Do not Grow Old
Many people are afraid of growing old. I'm afraid of growing old
and boring. Many people are afraid of growing old, alone. I'm
afraid of growing old, insane. Many people are afraid of losing
their looks. I'm afraid of losing my dreams. Many people are afraid
of losing their youth. I'm afraid of losing my
soul.
When you're 15, 35 seems ancient. When you're 35, 15 seems
juvenile. A turnaround in a split second - two decades zoom past
and before you know it, it's only a mile to the next millennium.
Don't' fear age- it's a right of personhood. Don't fear death- it's
God's greatest jest. Don't grow old - you don't have to.
Don't date because you're desperate. Don't marry because you're
miserable. Don't have kids because you think your genes are
superior. Don't separate because you think it's fashionable. Don't
drink because you have troubles. Don't gamble because you think
winning is inevitable. Don't philander because you think you're
irresistible. Most likely, you're not.
Don't associate with people you can't trust. Don't cheat. Don't lie.
Don't pretend. Don't try to buy your way into the kingdom of God.
Don't dictate because you're smarter. Don't demand because you're
stronger. Don't sleep around because you think you're old enough and
know better. Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell your self, your family or your ideals.
Don't stagnate. Don't regress. Learn a new skill. Find a new
friend. Start a new career. Don't live in the past. Time can't
bring anything or anyone back. Don't put your life on hold for
possibly Mr. Right. Don't throw you life away on absolutely Mr. .
Wrong because your biological clock is ticking and you can't afford
to have your eggs harvested before the new millennium.
There's always a mad rush to something, somewhere but victory does
not always belong to those who finish first. Sometimes, there is no
race to be won only a price to be paid for some of life's more
hasty decisions. You can't always go with the throng who could be
wrong. Sometimes, you have to be alone to be enlightened.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless. To feed
your nurturing instincts, care for the needy. To fulfill your
parenting fantasies, get a puppy. Don't bring another life into
this world for all the wrong reasons. To keep yourself warm, buy a
jacket. In the long-run, it will be less complicated and less
costly. To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the
best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter. Get rid of destructive
elements - abusive friends, nasty habits and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your
family. Be true to yourself. Don't commit when you're not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly. Fall in love - it's the
greatest thing on earth. But take care and remember, after the fall
must come the rise.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it. Say those words. Don't let the
moment pass. Do what you must even at society's scorn. Write
poetry. Love deeply. Walk barefoot. Hold hands. Dance with wild
abandon. Cry at the movies. Take care of yourself. Don't wait for
someone to take care of you. You light up your life. You drive
yourself to your destination. No one completes you - except you.
It is true that life doesn't get easier with age. It only gets more
challenging. Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions. Live your dreams. Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow up.
________________________________________________________________
and boring. Many people are afraid of growing old, alone. I'm
afraid of growing old, insane. Many people are afraid of losing
their looks. I'm afraid of losing my dreams. Many people are afraid
of losing their youth. I'm afraid of losing my
soul.
When you're 15, 35 seems ancient. When you're 35, 15 seems
juvenile. A turnaround in a split second - two decades zoom past
and before you know it, it's only a mile to the next millennium.
Don't' fear age- it's a right of personhood. Don't fear death- it's
God's greatest jest. Don't grow old - you don't have to.
Don't date because you're desperate. Don't marry because you're
miserable. Don't have kids because you think your genes are
superior. Don't separate because you think it's fashionable. Don't
drink because you have troubles. Don't gamble because you think
winning is inevitable. Don't philander because you think you're
irresistible. Most likely, you're not.
Don't associate with people you can't trust. Don't cheat. Don't lie.
Don't pretend. Don't try to buy your way into the kingdom of God.
Don't dictate because you're smarter. Don't demand because you're
stronger. Don't sleep around because you think you're old enough and
know better. Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell your self, your family or your ideals.
Don't stagnate. Don't regress. Learn a new skill. Find a new
friend. Start a new career. Don't live in the past. Time can't
bring anything or anyone back. Don't put your life on hold for
possibly Mr. Right. Don't throw you life away on absolutely Mr. .
Wrong because your biological clock is ticking and you can't afford
to have your eggs harvested before the new millennium.
There's always a mad rush to something, somewhere but victory does
not always belong to those who finish first. Sometimes, there is no
race to be won only a price to be paid for some of life's more
hasty decisions. You can't always go with the throng who could be
wrong. Sometimes, you have to be alone to be enlightened.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless. To feed
your nurturing instincts, care for the needy. To fulfill your
parenting fantasies, get a puppy. Don't bring another life into
this world for all the wrong reasons. To keep yourself warm, buy a
jacket. In the long-run, it will be less complicated and less
costly. To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the
best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter. Get rid of destructive
elements - abusive friends, nasty habits and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your
family. Be true to yourself. Don't commit when you're not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly. Fall in love - it's the
greatest thing on earth. But take care and remember, after the fall
must come the rise.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it. Say those words. Don't let the
moment pass. Do what you must even at society's scorn. Write
poetry. Love deeply. Walk barefoot. Hold hands. Dance with wild
abandon. Cry at the movies. Take care of yourself. Don't wait for
someone to take care of you. You light up your life. You drive
yourself to your destination. No one completes you - except you.
It is true that life doesn't get easier with age. It only gets more
challenging. Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions. Live your dreams. Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow up.
________________________________________________________________
Six examples of workplace rudeness
By Anthony Balderrama
CareerBuilder.com writer
Editor's note: CNN.com has a business partnership with CareerBuilder.com, which serves as the exclusive provider of job listings and services to CNN.com.
In the stressful, day-to-day work environment, many people forget to mind their manners on the job.
Are you rude?
You rarely steal candy from toddlers.
You don't trip people on crutches anymore.
You can't even remember the last time you made someone cry.
All in all, you could do a lot worse. You might not be in the running for a Good Samaritan of the Year Award, but you're a pretty decent person.
But how about your co-workers? Plenty of our daily interactions at work are befuddling. You're often left wondering if people are deliberately rude or just ignorant of their behavior. After all, you'd like to think people aren't going out of their way to inconvenience you.
With that in mind, we've taken a look at unappreciated behavior that rears its head in an effort to explain why it's rude and why you shouldn't do it (or why someone shouldn't do it to you).
1. You know what's rude? When someone --
Interruptions are offensive on many levels. When you interrupt someone, you suggest that your time and ideas are more important than everyone else's and that you have no interest in listening to what they have to say.
A rare offense is forgivable, but habitual interruption is problematic, according to professional coach Susan B. Wilson. "Some folks interrupt incessantly, whether you are on the phone, in a meeting, deep in thought or in another conversation."
2. No thanks
Aside from the phrases "Because I said so!" and "No," perhaps the most common thing you'll hear parents say to a child is, "And what do we say?" The prompt is, of course, for the child to tell someone "thanks" for a kind gesture -- a practice lost on many adults.
"The following statistic bears repeating," Wilson says. "In a 2002 Public Agenda survey, 48 percent of adults expressed only 'sometimes' encountering people who made an effort to say 'please' and 'thank you'; 16 percent said they saw such behavior 'practically never.'" A few words to show gratitude can put someone in a good mood -- or at the very least can keep someone out of a foul mood. Why not do it?
3. Table manners
Kara C.* has her share of venting to do about workplace rudeness, and at the top of the list is the lack of housekeeping manners she witnesses. In her company's communal kitchen, you won't have to look hard to see evidence that someone's recently enjoyed a snack in one of the cups or bowls littering the counter. She wants to remind her colleagues that maids don't work in the office, so they should clean up after themselves.
4. That's just #@*%ing rude!
Language is very subjective, and everybody has his or her own unique way of speaking. One person's "Howdy" is another person's "What's up?" When it comes to R-rated language, one person's "hell" is another person's "H-E-double hockey sticks." And that's something you should remember when interacting with others at work. It's less about the profanity itself and more about the fact that you don't care if it bothers the people around you.
5. Yes, all of us can hear you now
Teenagers are very private about phone conversations. They might be young, but they will give you a scowl that makes you feel like you're the child and they're the adult if you eavesdrop. Strange, then, how a dozen years later, many people do a 180 on this practice and want everyone to hear their conversations.
Cubicles are the norm in many workplaces, so one person's speakerphone conversation becomes an entire floor's business. Never mind how annoying it is to hear a conversation you're not a part of; think how bothersome it is to try to concentrate on work when someone's blathering in your ears. Rather than force your call on the whole department, invest in a headset or just hold the receiver in your hand.
6. I'm sorry, do I know you?
When you're walking down the hall and a co-worker is walking toward you, give a smile, a nod or some other greeting. No one's asking you to engage in a bear hug or to pretend you two are best friends. All anyone wants is an acknowledgement that you see them and that you're not going out of your way to avoid having any contact with them.
Why is this important, anyway? Well, think about the alternative: You walk down the hall and pretend not to see them by averting your eyes. You'd rather do anything but give a quick acknowledgement to this person. What kind of message does that send?
*Kara asked that her full name be withheld.
Copyright CareerBuilder.com 2009.
All rights reserved. The information contained in this article may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority
________________________________________________________________
CareerBuilder.com writer
Editor's note: CNN.com has a business partnership with CareerBuilder.com, which serves as the exclusive provider of job listings and services to CNN.com.
In the stressful, day-to-day work environment, many people forget to mind their manners on the job.
Are you rude?
You rarely steal candy from toddlers.
You don't trip people on crutches anymore.
You can't even remember the last time you made someone cry.
All in all, you could do a lot worse. You might not be in the running for a Good Samaritan of the Year Award, but you're a pretty decent person.
But how about your co-workers? Plenty of our daily interactions at work are befuddling. You're often left wondering if people are deliberately rude or just ignorant of their behavior. After all, you'd like to think people aren't going out of their way to inconvenience you.
With that in mind, we've taken a look at unappreciated behavior that rears its head in an effort to explain why it's rude and why you shouldn't do it (or why someone shouldn't do it to you).
1. You know what's rude? When someone --
Interruptions are offensive on many levels. When you interrupt someone, you suggest that your time and ideas are more important than everyone else's and that you have no interest in listening to what they have to say.
A rare offense is forgivable, but habitual interruption is problematic, according to professional coach Susan B. Wilson. "Some folks interrupt incessantly, whether you are on the phone, in a meeting, deep in thought or in another conversation."
2. No thanks
Aside from the phrases "Because I said so!" and "No," perhaps the most common thing you'll hear parents say to a child is, "And what do we say?" The prompt is, of course, for the child to tell someone "thanks" for a kind gesture -- a practice lost on many adults.
"The following statistic bears repeating," Wilson says. "In a 2002 Public Agenda survey, 48 percent of adults expressed only 'sometimes' encountering people who made an effort to say 'please' and 'thank you'; 16 percent said they saw such behavior 'practically never.'" A few words to show gratitude can put someone in a good mood -- or at the very least can keep someone out of a foul mood. Why not do it?
3. Table manners
Kara C.* has her share of venting to do about workplace rudeness, and at the top of the list is the lack of housekeeping manners she witnesses. In her company's communal kitchen, you won't have to look hard to see evidence that someone's recently enjoyed a snack in one of the cups or bowls littering the counter. She wants to remind her colleagues that maids don't work in the office, so they should clean up after themselves.
4. That's just #@*%ing rude!
Language is very subjective, and everybody has his or her own unique way of speaking. One person's "Howdy" is another person's "What's up?" When it comes to R-rated language, one person's "hell" is another person's "H-E-double hockey sticks." And that's something you should remember when interacting with others at work. It's less about the profanity itself and more about the fact that you don't care if it bothers the people around you.
5. Yes, all of us can hear you now
Teenagers are very private about phone conversations. They might be young, but they will give you a scowl that makes you feel like you're the child and they're the adult if you eavesdrop. Strange, then, how a dozen years later, many people do a 180 on this practice and want everyone to hear their conversations.
Cubicles are the norm in many workplaces, so one person's speakerphone conversation becomes an entire floor's business. Never mind how annoying it is to hear a conversation you're not a part of; think how bothersome it is to try to concentrate on work when someone's blathering in your ears. Rather than force your call on the whole department, invest in a headset or just hold the receiver in your hand.
6. I'm sorry, do I know you?
When you're walking down the hall and a co-worker is walking toward you, give a smile, a nod or some other greeting. No one's asking you to engage in a bear hug or to pretend you two are best friends. All anyone wants is an acknowledgement that you see them and that you're not going out of your way to avoid having any contact with them.
Why is this important, anyway? Well, think about the alternative: You walk down the hall and pretend not to see them by averting your eyes. You'd rather do anything but give a quick acknowledgement to this person. What kind of message does that send?
*Kara asked that her full name be withheld.
Copyright CareerBuilder.com 2009.
All rights reserved. The information contained in this article may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority
________________________________________________________________
Are You Having an Emotional Affair?
Dating Question: Are You Having an Emotional Affair?
Photo: Pavel Losevsky Updated: Mar 24, 2009 
You've Probably Crossed the Line if You...
You Can Avoid the Potential Affair if You...
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
________________________________________________________________
An email here, a smile there. Maybe that 'innocent' friendship with your guy friend isn't so innocent after all...
By Heather Johnson Durocher for RedbookPhoto: Pavel Losevsky Updated: Mar 24, 2009
Relationship alert: 82 percent of affairs happen with someone who was at first "just a friend," according to noted infidelity researcher Shirley P. Glass.
So... despite any obvious signs of cheating in your so-called friendship, ask yourself: Are you having an emotional affair?
You've Probably Crossed the Line if You...
1. Touch your male friend in "legal" ways, like picking lint off his blazer.
2. Pay extra attention to how you look before you see him.3. Think crush-like thoughts like "He'd love this song!"
4. Tell him more details about your day than you do your partner.
5. No longer feel comfortable telling your mate about this person and begin to cover up your relationship.
6. Experience increasing sensual tension; you admit your attraction to him but also insist to yourself that you would never act on it.
It's About to Get Physical When You...1. Find yourself feeling vulnerable and turn to the other man for support rather than to your mate or a trusted relative or girlfriend.
2. Accelerate the level of intimacy through sensual or suggestive talk over email or the phone.
3. Put yourself in a situation where the two of you could be alone.
You Can Avoid the Potential Affair if You...
1. Stay honest with your partner. Share with him all your hopes, triumphs, and failures -- as well as your attractions and temptations, which will help keep you from acting on them.
2. Make time for just the two of you on a regular basis -- away from the kids, your friends, and family.
3. Surround yourself with happy couples who don't believe in fooling around. Having positive, emotionally connected role models will help you stay on track.
Readers Reveal: "I Knew I'd Gone too Far When...""The guy who I was flirting with regularly over email attended the same event as me and my fiance. When I introduced them, my face flushed as red as a tomato -- I felt embarrassed and guilty about my fiance meeting this guy, so I knew what I was doing was wrong." -- Carolyn, 31, Westfield, NJ
"During one night of partying, my best guy friend and I confessed we had always liked each other. He was a perfect gentleman and left my place before we crossed the physical line. The next day I was completely embarrassed and knew that I didn't want to jeopardize the relationship with my boyfriend so I ended the friendship. And now the boyfriend is my husband, so I'm glad I did." -- Allie, 29, Yonkers, NY
"The cute tech guy who I'd been flirting with at my office said to me, 'You're not going to invite me in?' after I accepted a ride home from him. I liked the attention of him buying me vending machine snacks and complimenting me, but my husband would've had a heart attack if he knew." -- Amy, 38, Chicago
"My best guy friend and I were snuggled on his couch underneath a blanket when I realized that neither his girlfriend nor my boyfriend would be happy if they saw us -- and that our platonic relationship wasn't as platonic as we thought." -- Kim, 35, New Orleans
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
________________________________________________________________
Overlooked Fat Loss Factors
Losing weight is about more than reducing calorie intake. Fitness expert Joel Marion lets us in on some overlooked fat loss factors.
By Joel Marion, Fitness Expert
These overlooked fat loss factors need to be addressed
We're often told that losing weight is a simple mathematical equation of calories in, calories out. Burn more calories than you eat and you’ll lose fat. However, is it really that simple? The truth is that the actual “number” of calories you consume is not the only factor that affects your fat-loss efforts. In this article, we’ll discuss five other things that should be considered when determining the effect of your diet on your waistline, primarily overlooked fat loss factors. Incorporate this knowledge into your workout and nutrition routines and soon you'll be ripped like Ryan Reynolds -- and attracting looks from fitness babes like Amy Weber and Jamie Eason for it.
1- The thermic effect of the food you eat
The thermic effect of food (TEF) measures the amount of energy that is required to support the processes of digesting, absorbing and assimilating food nutrients as well as the energy expended as a result of the central nervous system's stimulatory effect on metabolism when food is ingested. Of the three macronutrients, protein carries the highest thermic effect. Eat more protein; burn more calories.
2- The fiber content of the food you eat
Due to its chemical makeup, fiber is classified as a carbohydrate; however, it is unlike other carbohydrates in that it is an indigestible nutrient. Even though each gram of fiber contains four calories, these calories will remain undigested and will not be absorbed. Therefore, if you were to consume 300 calories of red beans (a food in which nearly 1/3 of the caloric content is from fiber), approximately 100 of these calories would pass through your intestinal tract undigested.
3- The glycemic and insulin indices of the food you eat
The glycemic and insulin indices are scaled numbers that refer to how quickly a particular carbohydrate source enters the bloodstream as sugar and how much insulin is needed to rid that sugar from the bloodstream, respectively. Generally speaking, there is a positive relationship between the two; the quicker sugar enters the bloodstream, the more insulin is needed to rid that sugar from the bloodstream. When high levels of insulin are present within the blood, fat burning is brought to a screeching halt, which is anything but desirable for those whose goal it is to obtain a lean, muscular physique. Don't let this be an overlooked fat loss factor.
4- The different macronutrients present in the food you eat
Although insulin's primary function is to shuttle glucose (sugar) into skeletal muscle, it also carries many other nutrients to their respective storage sites -- this includes lipids (fat). Since carbohydrate ingestion stimulates a large insulin response and fat ingestion gives rise to blood lipid levels, when the two are consumed together, they promote the greatest fat storage.There's one more overlooked fat loss factor you need to know, along with some other great weight loss tips...
5- The size, frequency and time of the meals you eat
Large, infrequent meals tend to promote storage of the ingested nutrients, as the body is unsure as to when the next feeding will take place. Conversely, consuming smaller, more frequent meals will result in an increase in metabolism and utilization of the ingested nutrients. Also, ingesting a large amount of carbohydrates before bed spikes insulin, deters nocturnal thermogenesis and increases fat storage during sleep. On the contrary, consuming a great deal of calories early in the day does not bring about this problem; rather, these calories are likely to be used as energy to support daily activities.
fight the fat
As you can see, someone could be eating a relatively small amount of calories daily, but at the same time be promoting a great deal of fat storage by:
1) Making poor food choices;
2) Combining macronutrients in a nonproductive fashion and;
3) Consuming food infrequently and at inopportune times.
To illustrate this further, let's take a look at a recent study that analyzed the diets of 38 police officers. This study discovered that although the officers were consuming a hypocaloric diet (fewer calories than they burn), they all had unhealthy levels of body fat and had been gaining fat mass over the past five years. If all you had to do to lose fat was consume fewer calories than you burned, then these individuals would be losing fat, not gaining it.To confirm the importance of the factors that I previously mentioned, let's take a look at some of the other things this study noted:
Only 15% of their diet consisted of protein, the macronutrient with the greatest TEF.
Their diet contained very little fiber.
Over 50% of their carbohydrate intake was derived from simple sugars, which have very high glycemic and insulin indices.
They didn't note this, but I'm willing to bet that they didn't avoid the fat-carb combo.
They ate infrequently -- only 10% of their caloric intake was consumed at breakfast and over 50% was consumed right before bed.
By now, it should be obvious that fat loss isn't just a matter of calories in, calories out. And while it’s a little more complex than that, you can easily use the tips in this article to ensure you’re getting the most from your dieting efforts.
Joel Marion is an internationally recognized fitness expert and the author of The Cheat to Lose Diet (Random House, 2007). To learn more about Joel’s top-rated Body Transformation Coaching program and to download a free copy of his latest fat loss report, The Secret Fat Loss Hormone, visit http://www.joelmarioncoaching.com/
By Joel Marion, Fitness Expert
These overlooked fat loss factors need to be addressed
We're often told that losing weight is a simple mathematical equation of calories in, calories out. Burn more calories than you eat and you’ll lose fat. However, is it really that simple? The truth is that the actual “number” of calories you consume is not the only factor that affects your fat-loss efforts. In this article, we’ll discuss five other things that should be considered when determining the effect of your diet on your waistline, primarily overlooked fat loss factors. Incorporate this knowledge into your workout and nutrition routines and soon you'll be ripped like Ryan Reynolds -- and attracting looks from fitness babes like Amy Weber and Jamie Eason for it.
1- The thermic effect of the food you eat
The thermic effect of food (TEF) measures the amount of energy that is required to support the processes of digesting, absorbing and assimilating food nutrients as well as the energy expended as a result of the central nervous system's stimulatory effect on metabolism when food is ingested. Of the three macronutrients, protein carries the highest thermic effect. Eat more protein; burn more calories.
2- The fiber content of the food you eat
Due to its chemical makeup, fiber is classified as a carbohydrate; however, it is unlike other carbohydrates in that it is an indigestible nutrient. Even though each gram of fiber contains four calories, these calories will remain undigested and will not be absorbed. Therefore, if you were to consume 300 calories of red beans (a food in which nearly 1/3 of the caloric content is from fiber), approximately 100 of these calories would pass through your intestinal tract undigested.
3- The glycemic and insulin indices of the food you eat
The glycemic and insulin indices are scaled numbers that refer to how quickly a particular carbohydrate source enters the bloodstream as sugar and how much insulin is needed to rid that sugar from the bloodstream, respectively. Generally speaking, there is a positive relationship between the two; the quicker sugar enters the bloodstream, the more insulin is needed to rid that sugar from the bloodstream. When high levels of insulin are present within the blood, fat burning is brought to a screeching halt, which is anything but desirable for those whose goal it is to obtain a lean, muscular physique. Don't let this be an overlooked fat loss factor.
4- The different macronutrients present in the food you eat
Although insulin's primary function is to shuttle glucose (sugar) into skeletal muscle, it also carries many other nutrients to their respective storage sites -- this includes lipids (fat). Since carbohydrate ingestion stimulates a large insulin response and fat ingestion gives rise to blood lipid levels, when the two are consumed together, they promote the greatest fat storage.There's one more overlooked fat loss factor you need to know, along with some other great weight loss tips...
5- The size, frequency and time of the meals you eat
Large, infrequent meals tend to promote storage of the ingested nutrients, as the body is unsure as to when the next feeding will take place. Conversely, consuming smaller, more frequent meals will result in an increase in metabolism and utilization of the ingested nutrients. Also, ingesting a large amount of carbohydrates before bed spikes insulin, deters nocturnal thermogenesis and increases fat storage during sleep. On the contrary, consuming a great deal of calories early in the day does not bring about this problem; rather, these calories are likely to be used as energy to support daily activities.
fight the fat
As you can see, someone could be eating a relatively small amount of calories daily, but at the same time be promoting a great deal of fat storage by:
1) Making poor food choices;
2) Combining macronutrients in a nonproductive fashion and;
3) Consuming food infrequently and at inopportune times.
To illustrate this further, let's take a look at a recent study that analyzed the diets of 38 police officers. This study discovered that although the officers were consuming a hypocaloric diet (fewer calories than they burn), they all had unhealthy levels of body fat and had been gaining fat mass over the past five years. If all you had to do to lose fat was consume fewer calories than you burned, then these individuals would be losing fat, not gaining it.To confirm the importance of the factors that I previously mentioned, let's take a look at some of the other things this study noted:
Only 15% of their diet consisted of protein, the macronutrient with the greatest TEF.
Their diet contained very little fiber.
Over 50% of their carbohydrate intake was derived from simple sugars, which have very high glycemic and insulin indices.
They didn't note this, but I'm willing to bet that they didn't avoid the fat-carb combo.
They ate infrequently -- only 10% of their caloric intake was consumed at breakfast and over 50% was consumed right before bed.
By now, it should be obvious that fat loss isn't just a matter of calories in, calories out. And while it’s a little more complex than that, you can easily use the tips in this article to ensure you’re getting the most from your dieting efforts.
Joel Marion is an internationally recognized fitness expert and the author of The Cheat to Lose Diet (Random House, 2007). To learn more about Joel’s top-rated Body Transformation Coaching program and to download a free copy of his latest fat loss report, The Secret Fat Loss Hormone, visit http://www.joelmarioncoaching.com/
The Worst (And Most Common) Etiquette Mistakes
Posted Mon, Mar 02, 2009, 10:53 am PST
Party Poopers
When you receive an invitation to a dinner or party--whether by Evite, voicemail, or casual email--RESPOND. Yeah, that’s what that little “RSVP” thing means. Everyone knows it, yet it’s amazing how many don’t respond. Even for weddings! Planning a party or event requires a lot of work, so do the host a simple favor and let them know if you're coming or not.
Nickel & Dimin’
How annoying is it when you go to dinner with four or more people, the check finally arrives, and one of your meal companions begins to divvy up the check down to the last penny? Sure, we get that Sally had a shrimp salad, and Janet had two iced teas, while Beth only had water, and you ordered a slice of peach pie (a la mode, which is extra). The point is, if you go out to dinner with a group, be prepared to split the bill more or less evenly. If there's an outstanding cost differential, fine, estimate it and be done with it. The person who spends twenty minutes dividing the bill to the dime comes off as a cheapskate –- and kills the festive mood.
The Line-Up
Lines are a fact of life. At the post office, the supermarket, just about everywhere these days. For starters, moaners who huff and gripe about standing in a line of three people for all of five minutes are tops on our list. Get over yourself -- if you don’t have a few minutes to wait to buy that loaf of bread, then pick it up another time. Another thing: Don’t show your impatience by creeping up so close to the person in front of you that they can feel your breath. Crowding those around you will not get you to the front any faster, so give them some space. Finally, cutting in line or trying to ignore the fact that there IS a line –- stop it! Everyone’s time is valuable.
The ME Show
It’s great to hear all the crazy, wacky, wonderful things happening in the lives of others. Jobs, engagements, breakups, boyfriends, puppies, pregnancies, vacations — very good stuff, all of it. But once you’ve listened to a friend, family member, or colleague spout about their own fabulous life for an hour (or two), it’s normal to expect them to ask, “So, what’s going on with you?” Those who blab on about themselves while you listen intently, then don’t ask a thing about you in return are just plain rude.
Baby Biz
Changing a poopy baby diaper around others is nasty -- and we're moms. Changing the other kind of baby diaper in public is one thing, but still should only be done when absolutely necessary!
Mobile Madness
As much as we love the modern age, there are days when we long to go to a coffee shop, movie theatre, bookstore, or post office and not hear some teen queen dishing to her friend about last night's hot date with Todd or eavesdrop (unwillingly) on a screaming family feud. Mobile phones are essential, but please, people, pleeeeeeease, use a little restraint on the when's, what's, and where's. We're happy that Todd is "totally built" but we're going to have to start walking around town and slapping people with "TMI" tickets (yes, too much information).
Smokes
Everyone has a right to smoke in public, but be conscious of whose face your smoke is blowing into. Are there kids nearby? And we just might kick the butt of the next person we see throwing their burning butt on the ground without putting it out. Really, find an ashtray or trashcan where you can extinguish and dispose of it properly -- that thing is garbage, not decoration for our streets and sidewalks.
The Pee & Flee
Public bathrooms get used by everyone -- yup, they're public! So, making a mess of the toilet seat, and then prancing out without bothering to wipe it up -- not cool. Leaving a mess for the next visitor is completely unacceptable (and disgustingly unsanitary, of course). Take 10 seconds to rip off a piece of toilet paper, toilet seat cover, or a paper towel, and do your due diligence!
Stealing...a parking spot, that is. Yeah, you know who you are. If someone has their blinker on and is patiently waiting for a spot, it's theirs. And if you've already passed a spot up, it's gone. Treat others as you expect to be treated, and the parking goddesses will smile down upon you... eventually.
Belly Baring
Men, women -- anyone who's passed puberty, everyone who isn't lounging poolside or oceanside -- resist the urge to bare those bellies. They may be beautiful, Buddha-like, jolly, but sometimes they can be flabby, hairy, and not ripe for public consumption. If you're jogging, fellas, t-shirts or tanks won't hurt your workout, so throw one on. Gals, midriff fashions are never really on our "Do" list, and that goes double if your age doesn't contain the word "teen." There are plenty of ways for all of us to flaunt what we got without sharing our tum-tums with the world.
Spitting
This gets especially yucky when it's one of those enormous globs that looks like it could be alive. Some people (males, in particular) think it's kind of a cool-guy thing to do. We're here to tell ya that no one wants to see you hock a big gooey one out of your car, onto the sidewalk, or anywhere else for that matter. Try a tissue.
Honking Problem
People who honk too often, too unnecessarily, or just to express their emotions are on our list of Most Etiquette Challenged. If you're trying to warn someone about a collision or problem, fine, otherwise it's not that serious. Give it a rest!
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Party Poopers
When you receive an invitation to a dinner or party--whether by Evite, voicemail, or casual email--RESPOND. Yeah, that’s what that little “RSVP” thing means. Everyone knows it, yet it’s amazing how many don’t respond. Even for weddings! Planning a party or event requires a lot of work, so do the host a simple favor and let them know if you're coming or not.
Nickel & Dimin’
How annoying is it when you go to dinner with four or more people, the check finally arrives, and one of your meal companions begins to divvy up the check down to the last penny? Sure, we get that Sally had a shrimp salad, and Janet had two iced teas, while Beth only had water, and you ordered a slice of peach pie (a la mode, which is extra). The point is, if you go out to dinner with a group, be prepared to split the bill more or less evenly. If there's an outstanding cost differential, fine, estimate it and be done with it. The person who spends twenty minutes dividing the bill to the dime comes off as a cheapskate –- and kills the festive mood.
The Line-Up
Lines are a fact of life. At the post office, the supermarket, just about everywhere these days. For starters, moaners who huff and gripe about standing in a line of three people for all of five minutes are tops on our list. Get over yourself -- if you don’t have a few minutes to wait to buy that loaf of bread, then pick it up another time. Another thing: Don’t show your impatience by creeping up so close to the person in front of you that they can feel your breath. Crowding those around you will not get you to the front any faster, so give them some space. Finally, cutting in line or trying to ignore the fact that there IS a line –- stop it! Everyone’s time is valuable.
The ME Show
It’s great to hear all the crazy, wacky, wonderful things happening in the lives of others. Jobs, engagements, breakups, boyfriends, puppies, pregnancies, vacations — very good stuff, all of it. But once you’ve listened to a friend, family member, or colleague spout about their own fabulous life for an hour (or two), it’s normal to expect them to ask, “So, what’s going on with you?” Those who blab on about themselves while you listen intently, then don’t ask a thing about you in return are just plain rude.
Baby Biz
Changing a poopy baby diaper around others is nasty -- and we're moms. Changing the other kind of baby diaper in public is one thing, but still should only be done when absolutely necessary!
Mobile Madness
As much as we love the modern age, there are days when we long to go to a coffee shop, movie theatre, bookstore, or post office and not hear some teen queen dishing to her friend about last night's hot date with Todd or eavesdrop (unwillingly) on a screaming family feud. Mobile phones are essential, but please, people, pleeeeeeease, use a little restraint on the when's, what's, and where's. We're happy that Todd is "totally built" but we're going to have to start walking around town and slapping people with "TMI" tickets (yes, too much information).
Smokes
Everyone has a right to smoke in public, but be conscious of whose face your smoke is blowing into. Are there kids nearby? And we just might kick the butt of the next person we see throwing their burning butt on the ground without putting it out. Really, find an ashtray or trashcan where you can extinguish and dispose of it properly -- that thing is garbage, not decoration for our streets and sidewalks.
The Pee & Flee
Public bathrooms get used by everyone -- yup, they're public! So, making a mess of the toilet seat, and then prancing out without bothering to wipe it up -- not cool. Leaving a mess for the next visitor is completely unacceptable (and disgustingly unsanitary, of course). Take 10 seconds to rip off a piece of toilet paper, toilet seat cover, or a paper towel, and do your due diligence!
Stealing...a parking spot, that is. Yeah, you know who you are. If someone has their blinker on and is patiently waiting for a spot, it's theirs. And if you've already passed a spot up, it's gone. Treat others as you expect to be treated, and the parking goddesses will smile down upon you... eventually.
Belly Baring
Men, women -- anyone who's passed puberty, everyone who isn't lounging poolside or oceanside -- resist the urge to bare those bellies. They may be beautiful, Buddha-like, jolly, but sometimes they can be flabby, hairy, and not ripe for public consumption. If you're jogging, fellas, t-shirts or tanks won't hurt your workout, so throw one on. Gals, midriff fashions are never really on our "Do" list, and that goes double if your age doesn't contain the word "teen." There are plenty of ways for all of us to flaunt what we got without sharing our tum-tums with the world.
Spitting
This gets especially yucky when it's one of those enormous globs that looks like it could be alive. Some people (males, in particular) think it's kind of a cool-guy thing to do. We're here to tell ya that no one wants to see you hock a big gooey one out of your car, onto the sidewalk, or anywhere else for that matter. Try a tissue.
Honking Problem
People who honk too often, too unnecessarily, or just to express their emotions are on our list of Most Etiquette Challenged. If you're trying to warn someone about a collision or problem, fine, otherwise it's not that serious. Give it a rest!
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Everyday Etiquette for Public-Place Encounters
11 unwritten rules while in parking lots, planes, stores, and beyond.
by Michael Joseph Gross
Jim Franco
Are the rules for navigating a crowded sidewalk or hallway the same as the ones for the road?
Absolutely. "You walk on the right and pass on the left," says Charles Purdy, a columnist for SF Weekly, in San Francisco, and the author of Urban Etiquette: Marvelous Manners for the Modern Metropolis (Wildcat Canyon, $15, amazon.com). And keep in mind that people shouldn't walk more than two abreast, says Sheryl Shade, author of As a Lady Would Say: Responses to Life's Important (and Sometimes Awkward) Situations (Rutledge Hill Press, $15, amazon.com). But "there's nothing you can do when other people don't play by the rules," Purdy adds. "When that happens, you should avoid bumping into them or causing an accident―just like on the road."On the sidewalk, feel free to shuck off the Victorian custom of a gentleman's walking closer to the curb to protect a lady from mud from passing carriages. "The person on the inside should be whoever is wearing the nicer trousers that day," Purdy says with a laugh.
On a cross-country flight, I'm seated next to a chatterbox who wants to swap life stories. How do I let her know that I don't?
Start with nonverbal cues, if possible. Carolyn Hanley, who flies about 60,000 miles each year as a technical trainer for a semiconductor-equipment company in Austin, Texas, has dealt with nosy seatmates on several continents. Her advice: Thumb through the pages of a book, open your laptop, or pull out your PDA. Or, if you've already started to engage the talker, "break off the conversation by calling the flight attendant over and asking a question like 'When do we actually land?' or 'Could I get a rum and Coke―quickly?'" Nancy Huss, who spent 32 years as a flight attendant for TWA, notes two other important points of high-altitude etiquette. If you need to leave a window seat to stretch or use the facilities and your neighbor is asleep, "lightly tap her on the shoulder instead of attempting to crawl over her," says Huss. "No one wants to be rudely awakened by someone doing acrobatics on top of her, especially if there is turbulence." And don't bolt from your seat as soon as the plane arrives at the gate, says Huss. Exit one row at a time. Pretend you're leaving a church after a wedding.
How do I claim a parking spot when everyone's clamoring for the next open one? Is it OK to follow a person in a parking lot as she leaves the store and heads to her car?
First of all, never let a passenger jump out of your car to claim a spot for you by standing in it―if another car speeds into the open space, the parking spot will be the least of your worries. Use your blinker to show you've claimed a spot. By the same token, if you see another car with a flashing blinker, accept that the person has claimed the space, even if you are closer to it.
If you're a woman and you see someone heading from the store to her car, it is OK to follow the person. Why?
That person is less likely to feel threatened by a female driver, says Curtis Sliwa, founder of the Guardian Angels, a volunteer community-safety patrol with chapters around the world. Just be sure to first roll down your window and ask, "Are you leaving the parking lot?" and then follow at a respectful distance. Purdy notes that parallel parking has its own rules: Pull over in front of the space and put on your blinker, then back toward the curb. Of course, "there are some jerks who are going to ignore your signal and veer into that space," he says. When that happens, you have two options: "You can get upset and compromise your dignity and yell at them, or you can say, 'Some people are jerks, and I'm going to get on with my life and find another parking space.'"
At some cash registers (in fast-food restaurants, grocery stores, and drugstores), it's not clear whether customers should form separate lines at each register or stand in a single line. How do I resolve queue confusion?
Go with the flow―even if the flow feels like chaos, says Shade: "Just try to stay in the line, and sooner or later you'll get to the front." Don't bother trying to whip the rest of the crowd into shape. At the supermarket, if you have just one or two items, it's fine to ask the person with the $100 grocery cart to let you slip by. "People will almost never say no," says Randy Cohen, Ethicist columnist for The New York Times Magazine and the author of The Good, the Bad & the Difference: How to Tell the Right From Wrong in Everyday Situations (Broadway, $14, amazon.com).
What should I do when I'm pushing my cart down the aisle in a grocery store and someone has left her cart blocking my way?
It depends on what's in the cart. If it's just groceries, feel free to move it over so you can roll by. If the wandering shopper returns to catch you red-handed, "say, 'Excuse me―I had to get by,' with a smile," says Purdy. If the shopper has left her purse or baby in the cart, however, a hands-off policy should apply. Generally, "you can go around to another aisle―it won't add more than 30 seconds to your trip," Purdy says.
On a rainy day, when everyone is carrying an umbrella, how should I keep from bumping mine into other people? And what are the proper times to open and close my umbrella?
The tall ones need to take charge here. If two people are sharing an umbrella, the taller person should hold it. When two people carrying umbrellas are walking toward each other, the taller person should always raise his umbrella to allow the shorter person safe passage.The rule for opening an umbrella is simple: Keep it shut until you are fully outside and clear of the door. Before entering a public building, Purdy says, "shake off your umbrella outside. If you get a little bit wet, that's what happens when it rains. A few raindrops on your head are preferable to creating a wet mess in someone's place of business."The same goes for public transportation. When boarding a bus in the rain, always turn your back to the door, shut your umbrella, then make your entrance. "Otherwise I get sprayed, and the water on the floor makes things slippery," says Aretha Bull, a bus driver for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Transit Authority. Finally, never place your wet umbrella on an open seat or you'll put a damper on someone else's day.
I'm at a crowded airport and I see a pregnant woman or an elderly person looking for a seat near the gate. I don't have one to give her, but should I ask someone else to give up his seat?
Give it a minute. The person will probably speak up for herself. If she does ask and her request is declined (or if she's clearly uncomfortable but appears too meek to ask), then it's fine to step in, says Cohen."If you ask one person and he says no, chances are someone else is going to offer," Shade adds. There's no need to keep asking on down the line.
Is it OK to read over a person's shoulder?
The experts are split on this one. Bull flatly says that it's impolite: "People have to have their own space." Purdy agrees that leaning into someone's personal space is inappropriate but says, "If you're at very close quarters, how can you help it? If someone's newspaper is over your head and you're reading the back page, that's polite. Asking them to turn the page isn't."
There's a line of people behind me as I walk through a door. Should I hold the door for only the person behind me, for all of them, or for none of them?
Hold the door for the person directly behind you. For everyone else, you have to make a judgment call. If the door opens in and people are coming behind you, it's easy to make eye contact and hand the door off, Purdy says. If it opens out, you'll be removed from the flow of traffic by holding it, "but it probably won't take more than 15 seconds off your day," he says. If you're with a companion, there are all sorts of permutations as to who holds the door for whom, but it boils down to something fairly simple: "People in 'honor' positions should have less contact with doors," says Purdy. "If you're a gentleman on a date, hold the door for your lady. If you're showing a client to a conference room, hold the door for your client. And so on."The rule for revolving doors is less intuitive, but it usually comes down to sex. Clarence Winfrey, a doorman at the venerable Peabody Hotel, in Memphis, says, "If the revolving door is moving, the woman goes first." But if it isn't moving, the man should try to "give the door a little push before letting the woman go through it first."
Is it OK to help handicapped people through doorways, or should I ask first?
Always ask first. "It's just the courteous thing to do: 'May I hold the door for you?'" says Cyndi Jones, director of the Center for an Accessible Society, an organization in San Diego that promotes understanding of disability. "But don't say, 'Here, let me help you' or 'Let me do that for you.'"I'm standing in line at the movie theater and the person in front of me asks me to hold his place. A few minutes later, he comes back―with five friends. Should I challenge him?While it's fine to hold a place in line for one or two people, this person has abused your courtesy. Whether to challenge such a transgression is a tougher question. Purdy suggests a gentle "Excuse me, but the line extends way back there." If that doesn't work, you have two dignified choices. You can accept that others won't always behave properly and understand that the joys of living with people are sometimes accompanied by annoyances, or you can alert the authorities and your bully will most likely lose the tough act.
by Michael Joseph Gross
Jim Franco
Are the rules for navigating a crowded sidewalk or hallway the same as the ones for the road?
Absolutely. "You walk on the right and pass on the left," says Charles Purdy, a columnist for SF Weekly, in San Francisco, and the author of Urban Etiquette: Marvelous Manners for the Modern Metropolis (Wildcat Canyon, $15, amazon.com). And keep in mind that people shouldn't walk more than two abreast, says Sheryl Shade, author of As a Lady Would Say: Responses to Life's Important (and Sometimes Awkward) Situations (Rutledge Hill Press, $15, amazon.com). But "there's nothing you can do when other people don't play by the rules," Purdy adds. "When that happens, you should avoid bumping into them or causing an accident―just like on the road."On the sidewalk, feel free to shuck off the Victorian custom of a gentleman's walking closer to the curb to protect a lady from mud from passing carriages. "The person on the inside should be whoever is wearing the nicer trousers that day," Purdy says with a laugh.
On a cross-country flight, I'm seated next to a chatterbox who wants to swap life stories. How do I let her know that I don't?
Start with nonverbal cues, if possible. Carolyn Hanley, who flies about 60,000 miles each year as a technical trainer for a semiconductor-equipment company in Austin, Texas, has dealt with nosy seatmates on several continents. Her advice: Thumb through the pages of a book, open your laptop, or pull out your PDA. Or, if you've already started to engage the talker, "break off the conversation by calling the flight attendant over and asking a question like 'When do we actually land?' or 'Could I get a rum and Coke―quickly?'" Nancy Huss, who spent 32 years as a flight attendant for TWA, notes two other important points of high-altitude etiquette. If you need to leave a window seat to stretch or use the facilities and your neighbor is asleep, "lightly tap her on the shoulder instead of attempting to crawl over her," says Huss. "No one wants to be rudely awakened by someone doing acrobatics on top of her, especially if there is turbulence." And don't bolt from your seat as soon as the plane arrives at the gate, says Huss. Exit one row at a time. Pretend you're leaving a church after a wedding.
How do I claim a parking spot when everyone's clamoring for the next open one? Is it OK to follow a person in a parking lot as she leaves the store and heads to her car?
First of all, never let a passenger jump out of your car to claim a spot for you by standing in it―if another car speeds into the open space, the parking spot will be the least of your worries. Use your blinker to show you've claimed a spot. By the same token, if you see another car with a flashing blinker, accept that the person has claimed the space, even if you are closer to it.
If you're a woman and you see someone heading from the store to her car, it is OK to follow the person. Why?
That person is less likely to feel threatened by a female driver, says Curtis Sliwa, founder of the Guardian Angels, a volunteer community-safety patrol with chapters around the world. Just be sure to first roll down your window and ask, "Are you leaving the parking lot?" and then follow at a respectful distance. Purdy notes that parallel parking has its own rules: Pull over in front of the space and put on your blinker, then back toward the curb. Of course, "there are some jerks who are going to ignore your signal and veer into that space," he says. When that happens, you have two options: "You can get upset and compromise your dignity and yell at them, or you can say, 'Some people are jerks, and I'm going to get on with my life and find another parking space.'"
At some cash registers (in fast-food restaurants, grocery stores, and drugstores), it's not clear whether customers should form separate lines at each register or stand in a single line. How do I resolve queue confusion?
Go with the flow―even if the flow feels like chaos, says Shade: "Just try to stay in the line, and sooner or later you'll get to the front." Don't bother trying to whip the rest of the crowd into shape. At the supermarket, if you have just one or two items, it's fine to ask the person with the $100 grocery cart to let you slip by. "People will almost never say no," says Randy Cohen, Ethicist columnist for The New York Times Magazine and the author of The Good, the Bad & the Difference: How to Tell the Right From Wrong in Everyday Situations (Broadway, $14, amazon.com).
What should I do when I'm pushing my cart down the aisle in a grocery store and someone has left her cart blocking my way?
It depends on what's in the cart. If it's just groceries, feel free to move it over so you can roll by. If the wandering shopper returns to catch you red-handed, "say, 'Excuse me―I had to get by,' with a smile," says Purdy. If the shopper has left her purse or baby in the cart, however, a hands-off policy should apply. Generally, "you can go around to another aisle―it won't add more than 30 seconds to your trip," Purdy says.
On a rainy day, when everyone is carrying an umbrella, how should I keep from bumping mine into other people? And what are the proper times to open and close my umbrella?
The tall ones need to take charge here. If two people are sharing an umbrella, the taller person should hold it. When two people carrying umbrellas are walking toward each other, the taller person should always raise his umbrella to allow the shorter person safe passage.The rule for opening an umbrella is simple: Keep it shut until you are fully outside and clear of the door. Before entering a public building, Purdy says, "shake off your umbrella outside. If you get a little bit wet, that's what happens when it rains. A few raindrops on your head are preferable to creating a wet mess in someone's place of business."The same goes for public transportation. When boarding a bus in the rain, always turn your back to the door, shut your umbrella, then make your entrance. "Otherwise I get sprayed, and the water on the floor makes things slippery," says Aretha Bull, a bus driver for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Transit Authority. Finally, never place your wet umbrella on an open seat or you'll put a damper on someone else's day.
I'm at a crowded airport and I see a pregnant woman or an elderly person looking for a seat near the gate. I don't have one to give her, but should I ask someone else to give up his seat?
Give it a minute. The person will probably speak up for herself. If she does ask and her request is declined (or if she's clearly uncomfortable but appears too meek to ask), then it's fine to step in, says Cohen."If you ask one person and he says no, chances are someone else is going to offer," Shade adds. There's no need to keep asking on down the line.
Is it OK to read over a person's shoulder?
The experts are split on this one. Bull flatly says that it's impolite: "People have to have their own space." Purdy agrees that leaning into someone's personal space is inappropriate but says, "If you're at very close quarters, how can you help it? If someone's newspaper is over your head and you're reading the back page, that's polite. Asking them to turn the page isn't."
There's a line of people behind me as I walk through a door. Should I hold the door for only the person behind me, for all of them, or for none of them?
Hold the door for the person directly behind you. For everyone else, you have to make a judgment call. If the door opens in and people are coming behind you, it's easy to make eye contact and hand the door off, Purdy says. If it opens out, you'll be removed from the flow of traffic by holding it, "but it probably won't take more than 15 seconds off your day," he says. If you're with a companion, there are all sorts of permutations as to who holds the door for whom, but it boils down to something fairly simple: "People in 'honor' positions should have less contact with doors," says Purdy. "If you're a gentleman on a date, hold the door for your lady. If you're showing a client to a conference room, hold the door for your client. And so on."The rule for revolving doors is less intuitive, but it usually comes down to sex. Clarence Winfrey, a doorman at the venerable Peabody Hotel, in Memphis, says, "If the revolving door is moving, the woman goes first." But if it isn't moving, the man should try to "give the door a little push before letting the woman go through it first."
Is it OK to help handicapped people through doorways, or should I ask first?
Always ask first. "It's just the courteous thing to do: 'May I hold the door for you?'" says Cyndi Jones, director of the Center for an Accessible Society, an organization in San Diego that promotes understanding of disability. "But don't say, 'Here, let me help you' or 'Let me do that for you.'"I'm standing in line at the movie theater and the person in front of me asks me to hold his place. A few minutes later, he comes back―with five friends. Should I challenge him?While it's fine to hold a place in line for one or two people, this person has abused your courtesy. Whether to challenge such a transgression is a tougher question. Purdy suggests a gentle "Excuse me, but the line extends way back there." If that doesn't work, you have two dignified choices. You can accept that others won't always behave properly and understand that the joys of living with people are sometimes accompanied by annoyances, or you can alert the authorities and your bully will most likely lose the tough act.
10 Healthy Habits That May Help You Live to 100
By Deborah Kotz, U.S. News & World Report
U.S. News
The biggest factor that determines how well you age is not your genes but how well you live. Not convinced? A new study of 20,000 British citizens published in the British Medical Journal shows that you can cut your risk of having a stroke in half by doing the following four things: being active for 30 minutes a day, eating five daily servings of fruit and vegetables, and avoiding cigarettes and excess alcohol.
While those are some of the obvious steps you can take to age well, researchers have discovered that centenarians tend to share certain traits in how they eat, move about, and deal with stress—the sorts of things we can emulate to improve our own aging process. Of course, getting to age 100 is enormously more likely if your parents did. Still, Thomas Perls, M.D., M.P.H., who studies the century-plus set at Boston University School of Medicine, believes that assuming you've side-stepped genes for truly fatal diseases like Huntington's, "there's nothing stopping you from living independently well into your 90s." Heck, if your parents and grandparents were heavy smokers, they might have died prematurely without ever reaching their true potential lifespan, so go ahead and shoot for those triple digits. Follow these 10 habits, and check out Perls' lifetime risk calculator to see how long you can expect to live.
Don't retire
"Evidence shows that in societies where people stop working abruptly, the incidence of obesity and chronic disease skyrockets after retirement," says Luigi Ferrucci, M.D., Ph.D., director of the Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging. The Chianti region of Italy, which has a high percentage of centenarians, has a different take on leisure time. "After people retire from their jobs, they spend most of the day working on their little farm, cultivating grapes or vegetables," he says. "They're never really inactive." Farming isn't for you? Volunteer as a docent at your local art museum or join the Experience Corps, a program offered in 19 cities that places senior volunteers in urban public elementary schools for about 15 hours a week.
Floss every day
That may help keep your arteries healthy. A 2008 New York University study showed that daily flossing reduced the amount of gum-disease-causing bacteria in the mouth. This bacteria is thought to enter the bloodstream and trigger inflammation in the arteries, a major risk factor for heart disease. Other research has shown that those who have high amounts of bacteria in their mouth are more likely to have thickening in their arteries, another sign of heart disease. "I really do think people should floss twice a day to get the biggest life expectancy benefits," stresses Perls.
Move around
"Exercise is the only real fountain of youth that exists," says S. Jay Olshansky, Ph.D., a professor of medicine and aging researcher at the University of Illinois in Chicago. "It's like the oil-and-lube job for your car. You don't have to do it, but your car will definitely run better." Study after study has documented the benefits of exercise to improve mood, mental acuity, balance, muscle mass, and bone health. "And the benefits kick in immediately after your first workout," Olshansky adds. Don't worry if you're not a gym rat. Those who see the biggest payoffs are the ones who go from doing nothing to simply walking around the neighborhood or local mall for about 30 minutes a day. Building muscle with resistance training is also ideal, but yoga classes can give you similar strength-training effects if you're not into weight lifting.
Eat a fiber-rich cereal for breakfast
Getting a serving of whole grains, especially in the morning, appears to help older folks maintain stable blood sugar levels throughout the day, according to a recent study conducted by Ferrucci and his colleagues. "Those who do this have a lower incidence of diabetes, a known accelerator of aging," he says.
Get at least six hours of shut-eye
Instead of skimping on sleep to add more hours to your day, get more to add years to your life. "Sleep is one of the most important functions that our body uses to regulate and heal cells," says Ferrucci. "We've calculated that the minimum amount of sleep that older people need to get those healing REM phases is about six hours." Those who reach the century mark make sleep a top priority.
Consume whole foods, not supplements
Strong evidence suggests that people who have high blood levels of certain nutrients—selenium, beta-carotene, and vitamins C and E—age much better and have a slower rate of cognitive decline. Unfortunately, there's no evidence that taking pills with these nutrients provides those anti-aging benefits. "There are more than 200 different carotenoids and 200 different flavonoids in a single tomato," points out Ferrucci, "and these chemicals can all have complex interactions that foster health beyond the single nutrients we know about, like lycopene or vitamin C." Avoid nutrient-lacking white foods (breads, flour, sugar) and go for all those colorful fruits and vegetables and dark whole-grain breads and cereals with their host of hidden nutrients.
Be less neurotic
It may work for Woody Allen, who infuses his worries with a healthy dose of humor, but the rest of us neurotics may want to find a new way to deal with stress. "We have a new study coming out that shows that centenarians tend not to internalize things or dwell on their troubles," says Perls. "They are great at rolling with the punches." If this inborn trait is hard to overcome, find better ways to manage when you're stressed. These are all good: yoga, exercise, meditation, tai chi, or just deep breathing for a few moments. Ruminating, eating chips in front of the TV, binge drinking? Bad, very bad.
Live like a Seventh Day Adventist
Americans who define themselves as Seventh Day Adventists have an average life expectancy of 89, about a decade longer than the average American. One of the basic tenets of the religion is that it's important to cherish the body that's on loan from God, which means no smoking, alcohol abuse, or overindulging in sweets. Followers typically stick to a vegetarian diet based on fruits, vegetables, beans, and nuts, and also get plenty of exercise. They're also very focused on family and community.
Be a creature of habit
Centenarians tend to live by strict routines, says Olshansky, eating the same kind of diet and doing the same kinds of activities their whole lives. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day is another good habit to keep your body in the steady equilibrium that can be easily disrupted as you get on in years. "Your physiology becomes frailer when you get older," explains Ferrucci, "and it's harder for your body to bounce back if you, say, miss a few hours of sleep one night or drink too much alcohol." This can weaken immune defenses, leaving you more susceptible to circulating flu viruses or bacterial infections.
Stay connected
Having regular social contacts with friends and loved ones is key to avoiding depression, which can lead to premature death, something that's particularly prevalent in elderly widows and widowers. Some psychologists even think that one of the biggest benefits elderly folks get from exercise is due to strong social interactions that come from walking with a buddy or taking a group exercise class. Having a daily connection with a close friend or family member gives older folks the added benefit of having someone watch their back. "They'll tell you if they think your memory is going or if you seem more withdrawn," says Perls, "and they might push you to see a doctor before you recognize that you need to see one yourself."
Courtesy of U.S. News & World Report
U.S. News
The biggest factor that determines how well you age is not your genes but how well you live. Not convinced? A new study of 20,000 British citizens published in the British Medical Journal shows that you can cut your risk of having a stroke in half by doing the following four things: being active for 30 minutes a day, eating five daily servings of fruit and vegetables, and avoiding cigarettes and excess alcohol.
While those are some of the obvious steps you can take to age well, researchers have discovered that centenarians tend to share certain traits in how they eat, move about, and deal with stress—the sorts of things we can emulate to improve our own aging process. Of course, getting to age 100 is enormously more likely if your parents did. Still, Thomas Perls, M.D., M.P.H., who studies the century-plus set at Boston University School of Medicine, believes that assuming you've side-stepped genes for truly fatal diseases like Huntington's, "there's nothing stopping you from living independently well into your 90s." Heck, if your parents and grandparents were heavy smokers, they might have died prematurely without ever reaching their true potential lifespan, so go ahead and shoot for those triple digits. Follow these 10 habits, and check out Perls' lifetime risk calculator to see how long you can expect to live.
Don't retire
"Evidence shows that in societies where people stop working abruptly, the incidence of obesity and chronic disease skyrockets after retirement," says Luigi Ferrucci, M.D., Ph.D., director of the Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging. The Chianti region of Italy, which has a high percentage of centenarians, has a different take on leisure time. "After people retire from their jobs, they spend most of the day working on their little farm, cultivating grapes or vegetables," he says. "They're never really inactive." Farming isn't for you? Volunteer as a docent at your local art museum or join the Experience Corps, a program offered in 19 cities that places senior volunteers in urban public elementary schools for about 15 hours a week.
Floss every day
That may help keep your arteries healthy. A 2008 New York University study showed that daily flossing reduced the amount of gum-disease-causing bacteria in the mouth. This bacteria is thought to enter the bloodstream and trigger inflammation in the arteries, a major risk factor for heart disease. Other research has shown that those who have high amounts of bacteria in their mouth are more likely to have thickening in their arteries, another sign of heart disease. "I really do think people should floss twice a day to get the biggest life expectancy benefits," stresses Perls.
Move around
"Exercise is the only real fountain of youth that exists," says S. Jay Olshansky, Ph.D., a professor of medicine and aging researcher at the University of Illinois in Chicago. "It's like the oil-and-lube job for your car. You don't have to do it, but your car will definitely run better." Study after study has documented the benefits of exercise to improve mood, mental acuity, balance, muscle mass, and bone health. "And the benefits kick in immediately after your first workout," Olshansky adds. Don't worry if you're not a gym rat. Those who see the biggest payoffs are the ones who go from doing nothing to simply walking around the neighborhood or local mall for about 30 minutes a day. Building muscle with resistance training is also ideal, but yoga classes can give you similar strength-training effects if you're not into weight lifting.
Eat a fiber-rich cereal for breakfast
Getting a serving of whole grains, especially in the morning, appears to help older folks maintain stable blood sugar levels throughout the day, according to a recent study conducted by Ferrucci and his colleagues. "Those who do this have a lower incidence of diabetes, a known accelerator of aging," he says.
Get at least six hours of shut-eye
Instead of skimping on sleep to add more hours to your day, get more to add years to your life. "Sleep is one of the most important functions that our body uses to regulate and heal cells," says Ferrucci. "We've calculated that the minimum amount of sleep that older people need to get those healing REM phases is about six hours." Those who reach the century mark make sleep a top priority.
Consume whole foods, not supplements
Strong evidence suggests that people who have high blood levels of certain nutrients—selenium, beta-carotene, and vitamins C and E—age much better and have a slower rate of cognitive decline. Unfortunately, there's no evidence that taking pills with these nutrients provides those anti-aging benefits. "There are more than 200 different carotenoids and 200 different flavonoids in a single tomato," points out Ferrucci, "and these chemicals can all have complex interactions that foster health beyond the single nutrients we know about, like lycopene or vitamin C." Avoid nutrient-lacking white foods (breads, flour, sugar) and go for all those colorful fruits and vegetables and dark whole-grain breads and cereals with their host of hidden nutrients.
Be less neurotic
It may work for Woody Allen, who infuses his worries with a healthy dose of humor, but the rest of us neurotics may want to find a new way to deal with stress. "We have a new study coming out that shows that centenarians tend not to internalize things or dwell on their troubles," says Perls. "They are great at rolling with the punches." If this inborn trait is hard to overcome, find better ways to manage when you're stressed. These are all good: yoga, exercise, meditation, tai chi, or just deep breathing for a few moments. Ruminating, eating chips in front of the TV, binge drinking? Bad, very bad.
Live like a Seventh Day Adventist
Americans who define themselves as Seventh Day Adventists have an average life expectancy of 89, about a decade longer than the average American. One of the basic tenets of the religion is that it's important to cherish the body that's on loan from God, which means no smoking, alcohol abuse, or overindulging in sweets. Followers typically stick to a vegetarian diet based on fruits, vegetables, beans, and nuts, and also get plenty of exercise. They're also very focused on family and community.
Be a creature of habit
Centenarians tend to live by strict routines, says Olshansky, eating the same kind of diet and doing the same kinds of activities their whole lives. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day is another good habit to keep your body in the steady equilibrium that can be easily disrupted as you get on in years. "Your physiology becomes frailer when you get older," explains Ferrucci, "and it's harder for your body to bounce back if you, say, miss a few hours of sleep one night or drink too much alcohol." This can weaken immune defenses, leaving you more susceptible to circulating flu viruses or bacterial infections.
Stay connected
Having regular social contacts with friends and loved ones is key to avoiding depression, which can lead to premature death, something that's particularly prevalent in elderly widows and widowers. Some psychologists even think that one of the biggest benefits elderly folks get from exercise is due to strong social interactions that come from walking with a buddy or taking a group exercise class. Having a daily connection with a close friend or family member gives older folks the added benefit of having someone watch their back. "They'll tell you if they think your memory is going or if you seem more withdrawn," says Perls, "and they might push you to see a doctor before you recognize that you need to see one yourself."
Courtesy of U.S. News & World Report
Dating Advice: 7 Things Men Really Find Romantic
By Redbookmag.com Photo: iStockphoto.com/©Jennifer Trenchard Updated: Feb 18, 2009
Men aren't supposed to like romance, right? Well, that's the theory, anyway. In practice, men may not always like to call it romance, but we feel the same yearning to connect that you do, to give and receive physical expressions of love and to continue the rituals of courtship. In short, we want to romance you... and we secretly want you to romance us. The flowery stuff, the roses, and candlelight, just isn't a guy thing. So skip the sweet little trappings and go for what's guaranteed to work.
More Dating Articles from Redbook:
#1. Dress Up for Him
"Consider dressing for his tastes and not just yours once in a while," says Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of "Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know." "Take him shopping and have him choose outfits he would like to see you in."
Remember, you're doing this for him, not for you. And, as psychologist Ronald Goldstein, Ph.D., a marriage counselor in Newtown, Pennsylvania, explains: "Women should keep in mind that men are visually oriented." Trust me, men find it very romantic when you step wholeheartedly into our debauched little fantasy worlds. If we're hard-wired to be turned on by visual cues, why not indulge us -- and use it to your advantage?
#2. Initiate Physical Affection
Whether you're playing footsie under the table or placing a hand on our shoulders while scooting behind our chairs, men find the touch of the woman they love unbelievably reassuring. In our treasured nonverbal language, it translates as: "I accept you... I love you... We're a team."
#3. Give Him a Night Out with the Boys -- No Strings Attached
It may seem odd to you that a romantic gesture might not involve you at all. But dogs run with dogs, wolves run with wolves, and every so often, guys just have to break away and run with the guys (drooling and howling optional).
#4. Tell Him What a Big, Strong Guy He Is
We men are famously incompetent at expressing ourselves verbally... but that doesn't mean we don't appreciate hearing a little praise now and then. In particular, we draw a lot of our identity from our maleness. Nurturing our big-ape fantasies -- me Tarzan, you Jane -- lets us know you value us as males, which is somehow important to the continued production of testosterone.
A quick insight into men: We all want to be heroes. Remembering to compliment your mate on being a great partner isn't always easy in the middle of a busy day, but it's a quick shortcut to making him feel wanted, needed, and loved, which is of course the ultimate point of any romantic gesture. And this positive reinforcement of your mate's good behavior will yield big dividends later, as he subconsciously tries to live up to your glowing appraisal.
#5. Score Him a Pair of Tickets to the Big Game
Which would you rather receive from your mate: a weekend at a spa or a new set of cookware? The spa is by far the more romantic gift, if only because he doesn't stand to gain anything from it. Gifts that don't benefit the giver are somehow purer because they demonstrate you care only about making your partner happy. So when you're thinking about gifts, try not to think about what you'd like to get him, but what he'd like to receive.
#6. Show Interest in His Outside Life
We live in a fast-paced world, and we all know it's easy enough to get wrapped up in our own routines. But finding ways to let a man know you care about all aspects of his life, not just the parts he shares with you, is a great way to show you love the whole man. Shoot him a few well-directed questions about work to help him unwind, surprise him with a book relating to a hobby, track down a website that deals with some problem he's having -- all are touching gestures I guarantee will be well received.
#7. Tell Him a Secret
Men want to be soul mates, too. Telling him a secret -- symbolically letting him deeper inside you -- demonstrates total trust in him and faith in your relationship. Because you're making yourself vulnerable, it's an incredible bonding experience. What works just as well: Encourage him to tell you a secret or two. And don't laugh.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
Men aren't supposed to like romance, right? Well, that's the theory, anyway. In practice, men may not always like to call it romance, but we feel the same yearning to connect that you do, to give and receive physical expressions of love and to continue the rituals of courtship. In short, we want to romance you... and we secretly want you to romance us. The flowery stuff, the roses, and candlelight, just isn't a guy thing. So skip the sweet little trappings and go for what's guaranteed to work.
More Dating Articles from Redbook:
#1. Dress Up for Him
"Consider dressing for his tastes and not just yours once in a while," says Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of "Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know." "Take him shopping and have him choose outfits he would like to see you in."
Remember, you're doing this for him, not for you. And, as psychologist Ronald Goldstein, Ph.D., a marriage counselor in Newtown, Pennsylvania, explains: "Women should keep in mind that men are visually oriented." Trust me, men find it very romantic when you step wholeheartedly into our debauched little fantasy worlds. If we're hard-wired to be turned on by visual cues, why not indulge us -- and use it to your advantage?
#2. Initiate Physical Affection
Whether you're playing footsie under the table or placing a hand on our shoulders while scooting behind our chairs, men find the touch of the woman they love unbelievably reassuring. In our treasured nonverbal language, it translates as: "I accept you... I love you... We're a team."
#3. Give Him a Night Out with the Boys -- No Strings Attached
It may seem odd to you that a romantic gesture might not involve you at all. But dogs run with dogs, wolves run with wolves, and every so often, guys just have to break away and run with the guys (drooling and howling optional).
#4. Tell Him What a Big, Strong Guy He Is
We men are famously incompetent at expressing ourselves verbally... but that doesn't mean we don't appreciate hearing a little praise now and then. In particular, we draw a lot of our identity from our maleness. Nurturing our big-ape fantasies -- me Tarzan, you Jane -- lets us know you value us as males, which is somehow important to the continued production of testosterone.
A quick insight into men: We all want to be heroes. Remembering to compliment your mate on being a great partner isn't always easy in the middle of a busy day, but it's a quick shortcut to making him feel wanted, needed, and loved, which is of course the ultimate point of any romantic gesture. And this positive reinforcement of your mate's good behavior will yield big dividends later, as he subconsciously tries to live up to your glowing appraisal.
#5. Score Him a Pair of Tickets to the Big Game
Which would you rather receive from your mate: a weekend at a spa or a new set of cookware? The spa is by far the more romantic gift, if only because he doesn't stand to gain anything from it. Gifts that don't benefit the giver are somehow purer because they demonstrate you care only about making your partner happy. So when you're thinking about gifts, try not to think about what you'd like to get him, but what he'd like to receive.
#6. Show Interest in His Outside Life
We live in a fast-paced world, and we all know it's easy enough to get wrapped up in our own routines. But finding ways to let a man know you care about all aspects of his life, not just the parts he shares with you, is a great way to show you love the whole man. Shoot him a few well-directed questions about work to help him unwind, surprise him with a book relating to a hobby, track down a website that deals with some problem he's having -- all are touching gestures I guarantee will be well received.
#7. Tell Him a Secret
Men want to be soul mates, too. Telling him a secret -- symbolically letting him deeper inside you -- demonstrates total trust in him and faith in your relationship. Because you're making yourself vulnerable, it's an incredible bonding experience. What works just as well: Encourage him to tell you a secret or two. And don't laugh.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
WHO Love Maggi - health effects
For all who love eating Maggi
DO NOT IGNORE THIS ....... Especially those fond of Maggi.......
The correct way to cook instant noodles without harming our bodies and health. `Normally, how we cook the instant noodles is to put the noodles into a pot with water, throw in the powder and let it cook for around 3 minutes and then it's ready to eat.
This is the WRONG method of cooking the instant noodles.
By doing this, when we actually boil the ingredients in the powder, normally with MSG, it will change the molecular structures of the MSGcausing it to be toxic.
The other thing that you may or may not realize is that, the noodles are coated with wax and it will take around 4 to 5 days for the body toexcrete the wax after you have taken the noodles.
CORRECT METHOD :
1. boil the noodles in a pot with water.
2. once the noodles is cooked, take out the noodles, and throw away the water which contains wax.
3. boil another pot of water till boiling and put the noodles into the hot boiling water and then shut the fire.
4. only at this stage when the fire is off, and while the water is very hot, put the ingredient with the powder into the water, to make noodlesoup.
5. however, if you need dry noodles, take out the noodles and add the ingredient with the powder and toss it to get dry noodles.
Dietician's Note: If you buy plain hakka noodles which you make initially need to boil in water and discard the water. This will softenthe noodles but to prevent it from sticking we need to add a tbsp of oil and also the noodles are deep fried partially to make it crunchy andthen dusted with flour to prevent it from sticking while boiling. Hence when you buy the noodles they are already made unhealthy and thisis the type we use to make stir fry noodles and the regular maggi too is made the same way plus they add MSG/ ajinomoto and other chemicalpreservatives.
A large number of patient with the ages ranging from 18-24 years are ending up with pancreatitis either as a swelling or infection of thepancreas due to regular consumption of instant noodles..... If the frequency is more than 3 times a week, then it is very hazardous...
Please share this info and help save a life.
________________________________________________________________
13 things to keep to yourself at work
Over-sharing personal information at work can hurt your reputation and career
Recruiter: Woman gave too much information and it made her hard to place
Keep your medical history and your love life private
Revealing your salary and political beliefs at the office is not a good idea
Anthony BalderramaCareerBuilder.com writer
Do you know what TMI is? Chances are you're either guilty of it or have been its victim. It stands for "too much information" and it's making daily life awkward for people across the country.
Just think back to a recent uncomfortable conversation you had with someone -- a friend, family member or total stranger. Things were going well until the other person just laid it all out there: an unnecessary peek into his or her financial situation, sex life or health problems. No matter what you do, your view of an oversharer is forever changed.
If you haven't suffered through one of these conversations, your time will come ... or you are a walking diary.
Painful chitchat on a train is one thing, but workplace TMI is its own monster. At work, oversharing can damage your reputation, make your co-workers avoid you in the hallway and even damage your career.
Here are 13 things you shouldn't share while on the clock:
1. Medical history:
Hospitals and human resources departments are prohibited by law from giving out your medical information for a reason. People have a tendency to adjust their behavior when they find out you have, or had, a medical condition. They might treat you like a sick child or make you an outcast.
2. Confidential work information:
Hey, did you hear who's getting fired? You -- because you couldn't keep private information to yourself.
3. Plans to quit:
When you're hunting for a new job, don't let co-workers know. Loose lips or devious motives can mean your secret search finds its way to the boss.
Possible outcomes: you're let go before you're ready or you're quietly pushed out, which is what happened to Ron Doyle. He mentioned to some co-workers that he and his wife were deciding if one of them needed to quit. Doyle was just thinking aloud and had no intention of turning in his resignation letter quite yet.
"Within 48 hours, I noticed the meetings through the office window -- every administrator present except one -- me," he says. "Communication on critical issues came to a halt and the separation was palpable."
When he eventually quit, everyone was surprised. He explained how ostracized he felt, but they insisted that they had no idea they were acting that way toward him. "Never tell them you might leave -- subconsciously or otherwise, they'll act as if you already have."
4. Online venting sites:
If you use your social networking profile or a blog to release frustration about your personal and work life, don't send your co-workers a link. You'll have to clean up your digital dirt (even more than it already should be) and censor yourself from now on.
5. Matters of the heart:
Soap operas are fun to watch on TV, but they're not fun to live. Your reputation will suffer if you come into the office in tears one day because you broke up with your significant other and then you dance down the hall the next week because you met the love of your life. Your love life isn't as interesting to anyone else as it is to you, and people may be unable to separate your romantic life from your professional one.
6. Politics:
You've seen how out of hand political discussions can get with your family at the dinner table. Do you really want to start that kind of drama at work? Keep in mind that while your family is obligated to love you no matter what, co-workers are not.
7. Salary information:
Money's a weird topic in our culture. As eager as we are to find out what other people make, we're not as ready to divulge our earnings. Salary is associated with worth, and when your salary's known, it invites speculation of whether you're being over- or undercompensated. Why are you getting paid that much when another person with the same qualification earns much less?
Vicky Oliver, author of "Bad Bosses, Crazy Co-Workers and Other Office Idiots," also cautions that your accomplishments can be downplayed if this information is public. "You don't want your co-workers to snivel about how you 'don't need the money' every time your boss wants to give you a bonus." Avoid the drama and gossip and keep your salary to yourself.
8. Religion: See politics.
9. Your privileged life:
Along the same lines of keeping salary information to yourself, your enviable pull with society's high rollers should also stay private. Although you have the good fortune to know powerful business leaders and social butterflies, bragging about how many doors they've opened for you will tarnish your image.
"Don't rub your privilege in other people's faces," Oliver warns. "People should be rewarded on the basis of merit." Bragging about how you got into an Ivy League school or even in your current position will put doubt about your qualifications.
10. Therapy sessions:
Keep your visits with a therapist a private matter. Petty co-workers can start rumors about you or make snide remarks behind your back. No need to put yourself in that situation.
11. The Rubik's Cube that is your personal life:
When Marci Diehl worked as a recruiter, she encountered a job seeker who came in to register with the staffing agency -- and she still remembers her over a decade later. The woman came in and explained that her boyfriend was waiting outside with her child because she didn't have a car and that speed was of the essence. Also, her son was not the boyfriend's child.
"Somehow in this tale about the boyfriend, she told us that the boyfriend was not a happy camper, because her 6 year old slept with them every night -- and they'd only been going together for a few weeks," Diehl remembers. Naturally, the agency had a difficult time placing her because she was a risky employee who didn't know when to keep her thoughts to herself.
12. Gossip:
One of the big reasons you want to keep important information to yourself is to avoid the gossip it can spur. Well, don't play the gossip game either. Spreading rumors or secrets that you'd want kept secret isn't going to help your career.
13. Your Chris Rock routine:
In an episode of "The Office," Michael Scott gets in trouble for repeating, verbatim, a Chris Rock stand-up routine full of racially charged jokes and cuss words. Comedians get paid to be edgy, daring and even offensive. You get fired for it.
Copyright CareerBuilder.com 2009. All rights reserved. The information contained in this article may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority
All AboutJobs and Labor
Keep your medical history and your love life private
Revealing your salary and political beliefs at the office is not a good idea
Anthony BalderramaCareerBuilder.com writer
Do you know what TMI is? Chances are you're either guilty of it or have been its victim. It stands for "too much information" and it's making daily life awkward for people across the country.
Just think back to a recent uncomfortable conversation you had with someone -- a friend, family member or total stranger. Things were going well until the other person just laid it all out there: an unnecessary peek into his or her financial situation, sex life or health problems. No matter what you do, your view of an oversharer is forever changed.
If you haven't suffered through one of these conversations, your time will come ... or you are a walking diary.
Painful chitchat on a train is one thing, but workplace TMI is its own monster. At work, oversharing can damage your reputation, make your co-workers avoid you in the hallway and even damage your career.
Here are 13 things you shouldn't share while on the clock:
1. Medical history:
Hospitals and human resources departments are prohibited by law from giving out your medical information for a reason. People have a tendency to adjust their behavior when they find out you have, or had, a medical condition. They might treat you like a sick child or make you an outcast.
2. Confidential work information:
Hey, did you hear who's getting fired? You -- because you couldn't keep private information to yourself.
3. Plans to quit:
When you're hunting for a new job, don't let co-workers know. Loose lips or devious motives can mean your secret search finds its way to the boss.
Possible outcomes: you're let go before you're ready or you're quietly pushed out, which is what happened to Ron Doyle. He mentioned to some co-workers that he and his wife were deciding if one of them needed to quit. Doyle was just thinking aloud and had no intention of turning in his resignation letter quite yet.
"Within 48 hours, I noticed the meetings through the office window -- every administrator present except one -- me," he says. "Communication on critical issues came to a halt and the separation was palpable."
When he eventually quit, everyone was surprised. He explained how ostracized he felt, but they insisted that they had no idea they were acting that way toward him. "Never tell them you might leave -- subconsciously or otherwise, they'll act as if you already have."
4. Online venting sites:
If you use your social networking profile or a blog to release frustration about your personal and work life, don't send your co-workers a link. You'll have to clean up your digital dirt (even more than it already should be) and censor yourself from now on.
5. Matters of the heart:
Soap operas are fun to watch on TV, but they're not fun to live. Your reputation will suffer if you come into the office in tears one day because you broke up with your significant other and then you dance down the hall the next week because you met the love of your life. Your love life isn't as interesting to anyone else as it is to you, and people may be unable to separate your romantic life from your professional one.
6. Politics:
You've seen how out of hand political discussions can get with your family at the dinner table. Do you really want to start that kind of drama at work? Keep in mind that while your family is obligated to love you no matter what, co-workers are not.
7. Salary information:
Money's a weird topic in our culture. As eager as we are to find out what other people make, we're not as ready to divulge our earnings. Salary is associated with worth, and when your salary's known, it invites speculation of whether you're being over- or undercompensated. Why are you getting paid that much when another person with the same qualification earns much less?
Vicky Oliver, author of "Bad Bosses, Crazy Co-Workers and Other Office Idiots," also cautions that your accomplishments can be downplayed if this information is public. "You don't want your co-workers to snivel about how you 'don't need the money' every time your boss wants to give you a bonus." Avoid the drama and gossip and keep your salary to yourself.
8. Religion: See politics.
9. Your privileged life:
Along the same lines of keeping salary information to yourself, your enviable pull with society's high rollers should also stay private. Although you have the good fortune to know powerful business leaders and social butterflies, bragging about how many doors they've opened for you will tarnish your image.
"Don't rub your privilege in other people's faces," Oliver warns. "People should be rewarded on the basis of merit." Bragging about how you got into an Ivy League school or even in your current position will put doubt about your qualifications.
10. Therapy sessions:
Keep your visits with a therapist a private matter. Petty co-workers can start rumors about you or make snide remarks behind your back. No need to put yourself in that situation.
11. The Rubik's Cube that is your personal life:
When Marci Diehl worked as a recruiter, she encountered a job seeker who came in to register with the staffing agency -- and she still remembers her over a decade later. The woman came in and explained that her boyfriend was waiting outside with her child because she didn't have a car and that speed was of the essence. Also, her son was not the boyfriend's child.
"Somehow in this tale about the boyfriend, she told us that the boyfriend was not a happy camper, because her 6 year old slept with them every night -- and they'd only been going together for a few weeks," Diehl remembers. Naturally, the agency had a difficult time placing her because she was a risky employee who didn't know when to keep her thoughts to herself.
12. Gossip:
One of the big reasons you want to keep important information to yourself is to avoid the gossip it can spur. Well, don't play the gossip game either. Spreading rumors or secrets that you'd want kept secret isn't going to help your career.
13. Your Chris Rock routine:
In an episode of "The Office," Michael Scott gets in trouble for repeating, verbatim, a Chris Rock stand-up routine full of racially charged jokes and cuss words. Comedians get paid to be edgy, daring and even offensive. You get fired for it.
Copyright CareerBuilder.com 2009. All rights reserved. The information contained in this article may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority
All AboutJobs and Labor
Boost Your Mood with Color
Tips to find energy, happiness or calm
By Milena Damjanov, Health Magazine
More on MSN Health & Fitness
Do Herbal Cold Remedies Really Work?
Immune-Boosting Vitamins and Superfoods
Stay Healthy in Your 30s, 40s and 50s
We all have natural reactions to color—a clear blue sky can make you feel more peaceful; a bunch of daffodils, more optimistic. So it’s no surprise that the colors in your home can have an impact on your mood, too. Red, for instance, tends to be stimulating, and blue, calming, says color researcher Nancy J. Stone, PhD, a professor of psychology at Creighton University. How pure and bright a shade is can come into play, too, as well as personal associations with the color. Here’s how you can tap into the power of color to feel happier, calmer, or more inspired—without a huge paint job.
Energy: red and violet
These two stimulating colors boost your energy level by causing your body to pump out more adrenaline, says Leslie Harrington, a founder of LH Color, a color-consulting and research firm in Old Greenwich, Conn. One British study found that when evenly matched Olympic athletes competed, those wearing red won significantly more than their blue-wearing opponents. These high-energy colors are especially good in home offices, entryways, small sitting rooms, or staircases. (Avoid them in the bedroom and bathroom, where you want to relax. You may want to skip these colors in the kitchen, too, because energizing hues can boost your appetite.) If you want to feel inspired but not wired, add just a touch here and there—a red-leather magazine caddy or even a big bunch of fresh red or purple flowers, suggests Shane Reilly, a San Francisco–based interior designer.
Happy: green and yellow
Want to feel more upbeat? Bring in the colors of sunshine and spring fields. In a study from the Vrije Universiteit in Amsterdam, adults reported feeling happier around these two colors. Soft or pale yellows are ideal for playrooms and children’s rooms. Add a new rug. Or paint just the ceiling to create a sunny feel, a favorite technique of New York City–based interior designer Thomas Jayne—try Benjamin Moore’s Aura in banana yellow and add a lighter-color paint to tone down the hue as desired. Green is an especially good pick to brighten rooms with mostly neutral tones. Toss two celadon-colored throw pillows on a taupe sofa, or display your favorite black-and-white photos in a large bright olive-green picture frame.
Calm: blue
Most of us choose blue as our favorite color, and it’s really no wonder. Blue is a very soothing hue—it’s the color of the sky and the sea—and we can all use soothing touches of it in our hectic lives. In one of Stone’s studies, she found that people who were faced with difficult tasks felt less anxious after they saw something blue. Because the color is relaxing, you can feel free to use it more liberally than happy or energizing colors—it will work well in any room where you long to feel less stressed. Be sure to stick with soft, muted blues, though; the brighter, stronger shades, such as French blue, can actually have a stimulating effect. Try adding a touch of this serene shade where you need it most: near your bill-paying station, perhaps.
Copyright © 2009 Health Media Ventures, Inc. All rights reserved.
By Milena Damjanov, Health Magazine
More on MSN Health & Fitness
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Immune-Boosting Vitamins and Superfoods
Stay Healthy in Your 30s, 40s and 50s
We all have natural reactions to color—a clear blue sky can make you feel more peaceful; a bunch of daffodils, more optimistic. So it’s no surprise that the colors in your home can have an impact on your mood, too. Red, for instance, tends to be stimulating, and blue, calming, says color researcher Nancy J. Stone, PhD, a professor of psychology at Creighton University. How pure and bright a shade is can come into play, too, as well as personal associations with the color. Here’s how you can tap into the power of color to feel happier, calmer, or more inspired—without a huge paint job.
Energy: red and violet
These two stimulating colors boost your energy level by causing your body to pump out more adrenaline, says Leslie Harrington, a founder of LH Color, a color-consulting and research firm in Old Greenwich, Conn. One British study found that when evenly matched Olympic athletes competed, those wearing red won significantly more than their blue-wearing opponents. These high-energy colors are especially good in home offices, entryways, small sitting rooms, or staircases. (Avoid them in the bedroom and bathroom, where you want to relax. You may want to skip these colors in the kitchen, too, because energizing hues can boost your appetite.) If you want to feel inspired but not wired, add just a touch here and there—a red-leather magazine caddy or even a big bunch of fresh red or purple flowers, suggests Shane Reilly, a San Francisco–based interior designer.
Happy: green and yellow
Want to feel more upbeat? Bring in the colors of sunshine and spring fields. In a study from the Vrije Universiteit in Amsterdam, adults reported feeling happier around these two colors. Soft or pale yellows are ideal for playrooms and children’s rooms. Add a new rug. Or paint just the ceiling to create a sunny feel, a favorite technique of New York City–based interior designer Thomas Jayne—try Benjamin Moore’s Aura in banana yellow and add a lighter-color paint to tone down the hue as desired. Green is an especially good pick to brighten rooms with mostly neutral tones. Toss two celadon-colored throw pillows on a taupe sofa, or display your favorite black-and-white photos in a large bright olive-green picture frame.
Calm: blue
Most of us choose blue as our favorite color, and it’s really no wonder. Blue is a very soothing hue—it’s the color of the sky and the sea—and we can all use soothing touches of it in our hectic lives. In one of Stone’s studies, she found that people who were faced with difficult tasks felt less anxious after they saw something blue. Because the color is relaxing, you can feel free to use it more liberally than happy or energizing colors—it will work well in any room where you long to feel less stressed. Be sure to stick with soft, muted blues, though; the brighter, stronger shades, such as French blue, can actually have a stimulating effect. Try adding a touch of this serene shade where you need it most: near your bill-paying station, perhaps.
Copyright © 2009 Health Media Ventures, Inc. All rights reserved.
Fitness Myths Busted!
SELF.com
By Lucy Danziger, SELF Editor-in-Chief - Posted on Tue, Jan 20, 2009, 5:26 pm PST
Shoehorning your workout into a few days a week is challenging enough—don't make it tougher by buying into those nagging exercise misconceptions that may divert your attention from pursuing your better body goals.
SELF went to the pros to poke holes in these popular fitness myths that pervade gyms, pools and exercise classes. Arm yourself with the facts to keep you slim, strong and even smarter.
MYTH: Muscle turns into fatREALITY: Muscle and fat are two completely different tissues that have different functions, so it's physiologically impossible to turn one into the other. If you stop exercising, your muscles atrophy, so you lose the tone you worked so hard to create. And if you eat more calories than you burn, you'll gain fat.
MYTH: You need to exercise 30 minutes straight to get fit.REALITY: Three 10-minute cardio stints offer the same healthy payback as a single 30-minute one. If you are trying to peel off pounds, of course, the more you do, the faster you'll succeed. But don't feel guilty if all you can squeeze in is a few minutes here and a few minutes there—it all adds up.
Short on time? Ratchet up the intensity of your workout: Go hard for 30 seconds on the elliptical or jog for a minute in the middle of your walk to maintain your fitness level and your habit. And remember, anything you do—whether it's a brisk 5-minute walk or carrying heavy groceries to your car—for any period of time, provides some benefit.
MYTH: Overweight people have a sluggish metabolism.REALITY: Though some folks do have metabolic disorders that slow their metabolism, fewer than 10 percent of overweight people suffer from them. In fact, the more you weigh, the more calories you'll burn during exercise at the same relative workload as a slimmer person. If you notice the scale climbing higher, worry about your activity level, not your metabolism. Try this fat-burning workout to really see results.
MYTH: Lifting heavy weights make women bulk up.REALITY: Women don’t have enough of the muscle-building hormone testosterone to get bulky, even using heavy weights. The truth is, some people will gain muscle faster than they lose fat, so they may look bigger until they shed some of the flab and reveal the slim, toned muscles underneath. Shape sleek muscles with this workout from The Biggest Loser's Jillian Michaels.
MYTH: You can’t lose any weight by swimming.REALITY: OK, it’s true that long-distance swimmers who navigate colder waters tend to retain body fat for insulation. But ask anyone who laps it up while training for a triathlon: You will sizzle off pounds in the pool, since swimming burns 450 to 700 calories an hour! One reason you might not shed flab doing freestyle? If you throw in the towel and cut your workout short. Keep it going with this full-body water workout from gold medalist Amanda Beard.
MYTH: Stretching before exercise prevents injuries and enhances performance.REALITY: Researchers are still scratching their head over this one, since studies have yet to show conclusively that limbering up has any effect on staving off strains and other injuries. But they do know that stretching regularly can make bending, reaching, twisting and lifting easier. Best move: Save your stretching for post-exercise, when muscles are warm. MYTH: You burn more calories exercising in chilly weather.REALITY: If you shiver through a long run in the frigid winter air simply to experience the extra calorie burn, you might want to come in from the cold: You do torch a few extra calories during the first few minutes, but once you get warmed up, the caloric expenditure is the same whether you’re exercising in Siberia or the Sahara. Try a treadmill circuit workout with a great playlist to keep you going!
MYTH: When your body gets used to an exercise, you'll burn fewer calories doing it.REALITY: Unless you've adjusted the intensity, you'll burn as much jogging or cycling today as you did last week, last month, even last year. Experts say that this principle only applies to exercises that we're naturally inefficient at, such as using the elliptical machine: After five to six sessions, you'll be smoother in your movements and expend fewer calories—but the difference is only about 2 to 5 percent.MYTH: The calorie readout on machines is accurate.REALITY: If only! Research has shown that some types of machines can be off by as much as 70 percent. The culprit? Contraptions such as the elliptical machine haven’t been around long enough for exercise scientists to develop the appropriate calorie-burn equations. On the upside, stationary bikes and treadmills, the grandfathers of the gym, generally give a fairly precise reading, particularly if you enter your age and weight.
Rather than swearing by what the machine says, use the calorie readout to monitor your progress. If the tally climbs during the same workout for the same duration, you’re working harder and getting fitter. An online calorie calculator can give you a sense of which activities burn the most.
Score more tips on making your workout more effective and fun at Self.com/fitness. Find ways to fit in more workouts on the Fresh Fitness Tips blog.
By Lucy Danziger, SELF Editor-in-Chief - Posted on Tue, Jan 20, 2009, 5:26 pm PST
Shoehorning your workout into a few days a week is challenging enough—don't make it tougher by buying into those nagging exercise misconceptions that may divert your attention from pursuing your better body goals.
SELF went to the pros to poke holes in these popular fitness myths that pervade gyms, pools and exercise classes. Arm yourself with the facts to keep you slim, strong and even smarter.
MYTH: Muscle turns into fatREALITY: Muscle and fat are two completely different tissues that have different functions, so it's physiologically impossible to turn one into the other. If you stop exercising, your muscles atrophy, so you lose the tone you worked so hard to create. And if you eat more calories than you burn, you'll gain fat.
MYTH: You need to exercise 30 minutes straight to get fit.REALITY: Three 10-minute cardio stints offer the same healthy payback as a single 30-minute one. If you are trying to peel off pounds, of course, the more you do, the faster you'll succeed. But don't feel guilty if all you can squeeze in is a few minutes here and a few minutes there—it all adds up.
Short on time? Ratchet up the intensity of your workout: Go hard for 30 seconds on the elliptical or jog for a minute in the middle of your walk to maintain your fitness level and your habit. And remember, anything you do—whether it's a brisk 5-minute walk or carrying heavy groceries to your car—for any period of time, provides some benefit.
MYTH: Overweight people have a sluggish metabolism.REALITY: Though some folks do have metabolic disorders that slow their metabolism, fewer than 10 percent of overweight people suffer from them. In fact, the more you weigh, the more calories you'll burn during exercise at the same relative workload as a slimmer person. If you notice the scale climbing higher, worry about your activity level, not your metabolism. Try this fat-burning workout to really see results.
MYTH: Lifting heavy weights make women bulk up.REALITY: Women don’t have enough of the muscle-building hormone testosterone to get bulky, even using heavy weights. The truth is, some people will gain muscle faster than they lose fat, so they may look bigger until they shed some of the flab and reveal the slim, toned muscles underneath. Shape sleek muscles with this workout from The Biggest Loser's Jillian Michaels.
MYTH: You can’t lose any weight by swimming.REALITY: OK, it’s true that long-distance swimmers who navigate colder waters tend to retain body fat for insulation. But ask anyone who laps it up while training for a triathlon: You will sizzle off pounds in the pool, since swimming burns 450 to 700 calories an hour! One reason you might not shed flab doing freestyle? If you throw in the towel and cut your workout short. Keep it going with this full-body water workout from gold medalist Amanda Beard.
MYTH: Stretching before exercise prevents injuries and enhances performance.REALITY: Researchers are still scratching their head over this one, since studies have yet to show conclusively that limbering up has any effect on staving off strains and other injuries. But they do know that stretching regularly can make bending, reaching, twisting and lifting easier. Best move: Save your stretching for post-exercise, when muscles are warm. MYTH: You burn more calories exercising in chilly weather.REALITY: If you shiver through a long run in the frigid winter air simply to experience the extra calorie burn, you might want to come in from the cold: You do torch a few extra calories during the first few minutes, but once you get warmed up, the caloric expenditure is the same whether you’re exercising in Siberia or the Sahara. Try a treadmill circuit workout with a great playlist to keep you going!
MYTH: When your body gets used to an exercise, you'll burn fewer calories doing it.REALITY: Unless you've adjusted the intensity, you'll burn as much jogging or cycling today as you did last week, last month, even last year. Experts say that this principle only applies to exercises that we're naturally inefficient at, such as using the elliptical machine: After five to six sessions, you'll be smoother in your movements and expend fewer calories—but the difference is only about 2 to 5 percent.MYTH: The calorie readout on machines is accurate.REALITY: If only! Research has shown that some types of machines can be off by as much as 70 percent. The culprit? Contraptions such as the elliptical machine haven’t been around long enough for exercise scientists to develop the appropriate calorie-burn equations. On the upside, stationary bikes and treadmills, the grandfathers of the gym, generally give a fairly precise reading, particularly if you enter your age and weight.
Rather than swearing by what the machine says, use the calorie readout to monitor your progress. If the tally climbs during the same workout for the same duration, you’re working harder and getting fitter. An online calorie calculator can give you a sense of which activities burn the most.
Score more tips on making your workout more effective and fun at Self.com/fitness. Find ways to fit in more workouts on the Fresh Fitness Tips blog.
Even More Irritating Pinoy Expressions
Monday, January 12. 2009
Posted by Butch Dalisay
Last week’s piece on “The 10 Most Irritating Pinoy Expressions in English” unleashed a torrent of responses, many of them contributions to a further listing of words and phrases that sound like fingernails on a blackboard. I’d clearly forgotten many more of these expressions, so let me take note of the choicest ones on my readers’ lists, as well as add a couple more of my own.
1. Actually, basically, honestly, as a matter of fact. Favorite opening lines, no matter what follows. I suspect that “actually” is the Pinoy’s translation of another phrase revered in showbiz, “sa totoo lang,” mouthing which is supposed to instantly enhance the truthfulness of one’s statement. “Basically” sounds more educated than “uhmmm” and “duhhh,” so it fills those gaps just nicely, like so much starch in a sausage. And don’t you just love it when someone says, “As a matter of fact…” followed by an opinion?
2. Stuffs, equipments, jewelries, evidences, baggages, luggages. Who said we didn’t know our grammar? Add “s” to form the plural, right?
3. As in, as if. These, to some Pinoys, are complete—albeit elliptical—sentences, as in “As in!” or “As if!” For the full explanation, grab someone below 25 off the street and torture him or her for the answer. That person will probably be dead before you’re satisfied.
4. “I want to be clarified.” Unless you happen to be a vat of syrup, fruit juice, butter, or petroleum, clarifying you will be difficult, even lethal. Some matters may need to be clarified, but not people, as dense or as confused as they may be.
5. “Like what you said….” What’s with the what? Like last week’s “wherein,” “what” has insinuated itself into our English in this very strange way: “As what the Golden Rule says, do unto others….” or “Independents can sometimes win, like what the last elections proved.” What? Not!Not all Filipinisms are or should be annoying—although “annoying” depends on who’s getting annoyed. I don’t see myself ever using such words as “presidentiable” or “Imeldific,” but I can’t take them away from Filipinos for whom they’ve acquired a very clear and precise meaning. (My abhorrence for “multiawarded” stems from the crudeness of its construction, but I’m resigned to hearing it until I croak.) We have as much a right to contribute to the ever-growing vocabulary and usage of English as other people who use the language. If we have to bend over backwards to understand what the British mean by “dressed to the nines” or what young Americans do when they “diss” someone, then it can’t be too much to expect them to figure out what we mean by “for a while” (which some of my readers roundly scored, but which I’ve come to appreciate for its certain charm). Of course, things get tricky when we invent words, fully expecting others to understand and to accept them the way we do. Reader Peter Stitt suggested that “fiscalize” is Pinoy news-speak, and I had to Google the word to see that he was right (or nearly so—it’s used in an even larger sense by the Portuguese, who, asserts one article, have fiscals for everything, from college exams to food and drink and taxes). If we banned the word “votation”—the ultimate solution to every argument in this country, next to knives and guns—no one would ever get elected, and nothing would ever get done (considering where “votation” has taken us, maybe that’s not too bad). And how can anyone tell the Aggrupation of Advocates for Environmental Protection (AGAP) or the Pagadian-based Baganian Aggrupation for Development (BAD) that they have no right to exist, because... there’s no such word? (Their defense will be to fall back on the precedent of the Concerned Citizens Aggrupation, which won many votes in Zamboanga in the early 1980s.)As I’ve said in this corner many times before, the important thing is for those who use English to deal with the outside world to be aware of the difference between our English and theirs. Otherwise, whatever works, works. (And sometimes, English among the non-English can be marvelously mangled and crystal clear all at once, as when we were haggling with a seller of T-shirts in Shanghai last month and were told by the fat lady, “This one, that one, same-same!”) How boring life would be if we all spoke like a BBC announcer (or, as they would say over there, “presenter”) or wrote like Henry James; tuxedos are silly when we should be wearing jeans. But to those for whom language is as important as clothing on the job, appropriateness is everything, and we should know when to put on that “grammar Nazi” helmet and when to let our hair down (or whatever’s left of it). My friend and fellow English major Marlu Balmaceda wrote in to submit her pet peeve, which is the way “enjoin” is used by most people these days, as a synonym for “encourage”—“I enjoin you to support this project, etc.” Ernie Hizon of Unilab also disliked the word, reading it as so much corporate gobbledygook. Marlu’s objection came from the fact that “enjoin” originally meant the opposite: to prohibit (“I enjoin you from returning to these shores”). “Enjoin” happens to be one of those words whose meanings have doubled or even reversed over time, so that today, curiously enough, it can mean both things, depending on the particular usage, although its older sense is largely forgotten. “Cleave,” “awful” and “fulsome” are three other such words. To cleave is to split something apart, but it also means to hold fast to something (“the ax cleaved the dry wood” but also “the child cleaved to its mother”); “awful” used to mean “awe-inspiring” in the reign of Henry VIII, but now means something considerably different; and “fulsome” doesn’t just mean “a lot,” but also—and more correctly, today—“excessive.”Reader Jun Mongcopa enlightened (clarified?) me about the origins of the phrase “at this point in time,” which he traces back to the early ‘70s, when “every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jane of an American speaker/lecturer visiting our country started using the phrase. There was an article in Time magazine about it and it would seem that the phrase was coined by a Harvard professor. Locally, by the mid-‘70s, the phrase was picked up and popularized by the Asian Institute of Management. Every Juan, Tomas, and Maria who ever set foot upon the hallowed grounds of AIM, be it by attending lectures, seminars or taking up an MBA, had to use the phrase when asked to speak. It became the badge of distinction; when you used the phrase it meant you had some intellectual enlightenment from AIM, which was a really big deal at that time, AIM being touted as the Harvard of the Philippines and equally expensive as hell to enroll in.”Durnit, I knew I missed something by not going to Harvard or AIM! Many thanks, Jun, and to all the others who sent in their contributions. I have a feeling we’re not done yet. I’ll get back to this topic one of these days—oh, I almost forgot another of your/our favorite expressions, the perfect way to end a Pinoy conversation: “Promise!”Email me at penmanila@yahoo.com, and visit my blog at www.penmanila.net
Posted by Butch Dalisay
Last week’s piece on “The 10 Most Irritating Pinoy Expressions in English” unleashed a torrent of responses, many of them contributions to a further listing of words and phrases that sound like fingernails on a blackboard. I’d clearly forgotten many more of these expressions, so let me take note of the choicest ones on my readers’ lists, as well as add a couple more of my own.
1. Actually, basically, honestly, as a matter of fact. Favorite opening lines, no matter what follows. I suspect that “actually” is the Pinoy’s translation of another phrase revered in showbiz, “sa totoo lang,” mouthing which is supposed to instantly enhance the truthfulness of one’s statement. “Basically” sounds more educated than “uhmmm” and “duhhh,” so it fills those gaps just nicely, like so much starch in a sausage. And don’t you just love it when someone says, “As a matter of fact…” followed by an opinion?
2. Stuffs, equipments, jewelries, evidences, baggages, luggages. Who said we didn’t know our grammar? Add “s” to form the plural, right?
3. As in, as if. These, to some Pinoys, are complete—albeit elliptical—sentences, as in “As in!” or “As if!” For the full explanation, grab someone below 25 off the street and torture him or her for the answer. That person will probably be dead before you’re satisfied.
4. “I want to be clarified.” Unless you happen to be a vat of syrup, fruit juice, butter, or petroleum, clarifying you will be difficult, even lethal. Some matters may need to be clarified, but not people, as dense or as confused as they may be.
5. “Like what you said….” What’s with the what? Like last week’s “wherein,” “what” has insinuated itself into our English in this very strange way: “As what the Golden Rule says, do unto others….” or “Independents can sometimes win, like what the last elections proved.” What? Not!Not all Filipinisms are or should be annoying—although “annoying” depends on who’s getting annoyed. I don’t see myself ever using such words as “presidentiable” or “Imeldific,” but I can’t take them away from Filipinos for whom they’ve acquired a very clear and precise meaning. (My abhorrence for “multiawarded” stems from the crudeness of its construction, but I’m resigned to hearing it until I croak.) We have as much a right to contribute to the ever-growing vocabulary and usage of English as other people who use the language. If we have to bend over backwards to understand what the British mean by “dressed to the nines” or what young Americans do when they “diss” someone, then it can’t be too much to expect them to figure out what we mean by “for a while” (which some of my readers roundly scored, but which I’ve come to appreciate for its certain charm). Of course, things get tricky when we invent words, fully expecting others to understand and to accept them the way we do. Reader Peter Stitt suggested that “fiscalize” is Pinoy news-speak, and I had to Google the word to see that he was right (or nearly so—it’s used in an even larger sense by the Portuguese, who, asserts one article, have fiscals for everything, from college exams to food and drink and taxes). If we banned the word “votation”—the ultimate solution to every argument in this country, next to knives and guns—no one would ever get elected, and nothing would ever get done (considering where “votation” has taken us, maybe that’s not too bad). And how can anyone tell the Aggrupation of Advocates for Environmental Protection (AGAP) or the Pagadian-based Baganian Aggrupation for Development (BAD) that they have no right to exist, because... there’s no such word? (Their defense will be to fall back on the precedent of the Concerned Citizens Aggrupation, which won many votes in Zamboanga in the early 1980s.)As I’ve said in this corner many times before, the important thing is for those who use English to deal with the outside world to be aware of the difference between our English and theirs. Otherwise, whatever works, works. (And sometimes, English among the non-English can be marvelously mangled and crystal clear all at once, as when we were haggling with a seller of T-shirts in Shanghai last month and were told by the fat lady, “This one, that one, same-same!”) How boring life would be if we all spoke like a BBC announcer (or, as they would say over there, “presenter”) or wrote like Henry James; tuxedos are silly when we should be wearing jeans. But to those for whom language is as important as clothing on the job, appropriateness is everything, and we should know when to put on that “grammar Nazi” helmet and when to let our hair down (or whatever’s left of it). My friend and fellow English major Marlu Balmaceda wrote in to submit her pet peeve, which is the way “enjoin” is used by most people these days, as a synonym for “encourage”—“I enjoin you to support this project, etc.” Ernie Hizon of Unilab also disliked the word, reading it as so much corporate gobbledygook. Marlu’s objection came from the fact that “enjoin” originally meant the opposite: to prohibit (“I enjoin you from returning to these shores”). “Enjoin” happens to be one of those words whose meanings have doubled or even reversed over time, so that today, curiously enough, it can mean both things, depending on the particular usage, although its older sense is largely forgotten. “Cleave,” “awful” and “fulsome” are three other such words. To cleave is to split something apart, but it also means to hold fast to something (“the ax cleaved the dry wood” but also “the child cleaved to its mother”); “awful” used to mean “awe-inspiring” in the reign of Henry VIII, but now means something considerably different; and “fulsome” doesn’t just mean “a lot,” but also—and more correctly, today—“excessive.”Reader Jun Mongcopa enlightened (clarified?) me about the origins of the phrase “at this point in time,” which he traces back to the early ‘70s, when “every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jane of an American speaker/lecturer visiting our country started using the phrase. There was an article in Time magazine about it and it would seem that the phrase was coined by a Harvard professor. Locally, by the mid-‘70s, the phrase was picked up and popularized by the Asian Institute of Management. Every Juan, Tomas, and Maria who ever set foot upon the hallowed grounds of AIM, be it by attending lectures, seminars or taking up an MBA, had to use the phrase when asked to speak. It became the badge of distinction; when you used the phrase it meant you had some intellectual enlightenment from AIM, which was a really big deal at that time, AIM being touted as the Harvard of the Philippines and equally expensive as hell to enroll in.”Durnit, I knew I missed something by not going to Harvard or AIM! Many thanks, Jun, and to all the others who sent in their contributions. I have a feeling we’re not done yet. I’ll get back to this topic one of these days—oh, I almost forgot another of your/our favorite expressions, the perfect way to end a Pinoy conversation: “Promise!”Email me at penmanila@yahoo.com, and visit my blog at www.penmanila.net
Shy woman traces problem to childhood
By Beverly Donofrio
(OPRAH.com)
A few years ago, when I complained to my latest, greatest, and now past therapist that I didn't want to go to some party I was invited to, I'd be bored, have nothing to say to people -- whom I wouldn't like and who wouldn't like me --she pinned me with her penetrating gaze and said, "You're a shy person."
I didn't believe my therapist. Even though I did remember suffering paroxysms of dread whenever I might be called on in elementary school, and how I would sit for an hour salivating in front of a candy bowl at a relative's and still refuse the candy once it had been offered because I was too shy. But that was a long time ago.
Shy adults can't make eye contact; they dress plainly and turn red if you compliment them. I am not like that at all. I can be a flamboyant dresser, I meet your eye, and positively glow from attention and praise. I can even, if in the mood, be gregarious. Oprah.com:The cure for self-consciousness
Sure, I often turned down an invitation, but I thought I was merely a recluse or maybe a wet blanket until the afternoon I took a beta-blocker and experienced what it is like to truly not be shy. A few of us had made up a song and dance routine to perform at a friend's wedding as a toast. Before the performance, I took a beta-blocker, offered by a musician who claimed she could not be a performing oboist without it.
Beta-blockers are disinhibitors, often prescribed for people who have to speak or perform in public. I didn't take the pill sufficiently in advance to calm my nerves during the performance, but by the time I took my seat at the dinner table, it had kicked in. I am certain of this because of the outrageous idea I had: I should talk to somebody I didn't know.
After I talked to a dozen perfect strangers -- and table-hopped to do it -- instead of going home after the wedding reception, I went looking for a party I'd been invited to. I'd left the address at home because never in a million years had I expected to go. I couldn't find the party, so I drove into town to hear my friend Roland (who'd been inviting me for a year) play jazz at a bar.
It felt a little awkward to walk into a bar alone on a Saturday night, but not awkward enough to stop me. As I sat down and ordered a lemonade -- Sundays are my favorite days and I didn't want to risk a hangover -- it occurred to me that I was having fun. It also occurred to me this was probably due to the beta-blocker. I felt calm and easy, curious. It wasn't like being drunk, when you might say or do outrageous things. On the beta-blocker, I was behaving in the way I'd always aspired to: I was open, spontaneous, friendly.
At the bar, I struck up a conversation with the couple sitting beside me. They were tourists in my town, and when they told me they were thinking of returning for a month in the summer, I suggested that they might like to rent my house because I'd be away then. We made a date for them to come by on Sunday at 2 in the afternoon.
The next morning, no longer under the influence of the beta-blocker, I had a mini breakdown. Strangers interrupting my Sunday? And I'd have to talk to them. The old panic rushed in. Talking was easy last night, but it wouldn't be today, and they wouldn't like me.
I taped a note to my door apologizing for being unable to meet with them and then went about my solitary day -- until 2 o'clock, when there came a knocking at my door. Actually, it was a banging. Evidently the note had blown away. I didn't answer, and the strangers didn't go away. Once I'd failed to respond, it was impossible to answer the door. They knocked on neighbors' doors. They waited on the stoop. I crouched on my bed, my arms over my head, like I'd been taught to do as a kid in case of nuclear attack.
I felt awful -- selfish, mean, and a little nuts. I was beginning to suspect there was something wrong with me. A few nights later, I knew there was.
I'd stopped in the middle of town to watch a procession, which in my Mexican town is about as common as cornflakes for breakfast is in the States. An attractive man on the other side of the street smiled at me. I smiled back, then immediately cast my eyes to the ground and turned my back. I sensed him cross the street to stand next to me. I thought to myself, "Say something. Talk to him." I could not think of a single word, nor could I look at him. Eventually, he moved away and I went home.
That night I couldn't sleep for recalling all the times shyness had tripped me up. I'd gone to Guatemala to study Spanish for three weeks and never once struck up a conversation with anyone the entire time -- in Spanish or in English. I'd noticed the starving street dogs and how they slunk around anticipating a kick, and on a particularly low day I decided I was like them. Afraid of people, anticipating a kick in the pants metaphorically.
Shyness, I realized, was a defense mechanism, meant to place a distance between me and people, between me and hurt. But like most defenses, after a time it had turned on me and become the source of hurt.
I'd spent too many years and thousands of dollars to want to jump back on the therapeutic couch. And I didn't think even a Herculean act of will could make me flirtatious and friendly, open and at ease, but I did believe hypnotism could.
A year earlier, my friend Amy, who had been complaining that she'd lost her soul ever since she became the president of her own company, had been hypnotized to "feel her feelings." The hypnotist put her under and spoke to her unconscious.
"I know in the past there were very good reasons for Amy not to feel her feelings," he said. "But she'd like to feel them now. So can we let her feel her feelings for three months? If it doesn't work out, she can go back to not feeling them."
Amy told me she immediately started feeling her feelings and she still did, although sometimes she wished she didn't. A few weeks after Amy told me about being hypnotized, I sat next to a Lacanian analyst at a dinner party who said, "Psychoanalysis doesn't work; hypnotism does." Oprah.com: Is therapy for you?
Two positive mentions in two weeks were enough to make me want to give hypnotism a go. Amy recommended a hypnotherapist in Toronto. When I called Debbie Papadakis and said that I wanted to be hypnotized for shyness, she said, "Good for you. You're going to change in ways you can't even imagine. This will affect your entire life."
Even as I realized that Debbie had just planted a suggestion, the possibility of being comfortable in my own skin sent a tingly sensation right through me.
Debbie said, "If you want to take a long time and have somebody hold your hand, I'm not for you. I like results."
We met for six hours. I told her that one of my beliefs is that I am difficult and boring, and that people, most often men, don't like me.
Debbie explained that she would put me into a deep relaxed state. Then she would ask me questions derived from the exhaustive questionnaire she'd sent me. She told me that we probably wouldn't deal directly with shyness, since shyness encompassed so many issues.
"Think of a circle," she said, and drew one on a piece of paper. "And all these little circles around the circumference are your issues. They're all connected, see?" she said, drawing lines crisscrossing from all the little circles to the other little circles. "What do you think happens if one of these little circles unravels? All the connections start unraveling. So you see, we don't have to unravel all your issues, only some."
I sat in a reclining chair as Debbie asked me to close my eyes and imagine walking down stairs toward a beautiful, peaceful scene. Each step I descended drew me deeper down and made me more relaxed. When she asked me to open my eyes, I couldn't. Maybe I could -- I wasn't sure -- but I was sure I didn't want to. When I couldn't count backward from 100 past 97, I was under. It felt like being all cozy in bed the moment before you drift off to sleep.
Debbie had coached me ahead of time about responding to the questions she would ask me. I was to answer quickly, the first thing that came into my mind. It didn't matter if it was true or not. I was to say the first words or memory I thought of. Half the time I didn't know if I was making things up.
"Where are you?" Debbie barked, "inside or out?"
"In."
"How old are you?"
"Two."
"Who is with you?"
"My father. He just pushed me off his lap, and I'm crying. I think he had an erection."
"Can you forgive him for that?"
"No. He thought it was my fault."
"Can you understand how frightened his erection made him feel?"
"Yes."
"Can you see that it wasn't your fault and that he was just frightened, that in his heart he didn't mean to hurt or reject you? Can you talk to him and tell him how you feel?"
In six hours we dealt with my mother, father, child, money, fiction writing, feeling stupid, a girlfriend I was having a problem with, my grandson-to-be. Shyness was never mentioned until I was about to leave. She asked if I felt that I would still be shy. I thought I might not, but that shyness had been a habit for a very long time. "Habits," Debbie said, "are easy to break once you've done this work." Oprah.com: 5 ways to change a habit
That evening a friend threw me a cocktail party, inviting all the people I knew in Toronto and a few neighbors, more than 20 people in all. Normally, I would be filled with anxiety, thinking that small talk slays me, I will have nothing to say, people will think me boring, I'll want to leave in a few minutes and will be stuck for a few hours.
At one point, I sat on a bench in the garden between a woman and man who began talking about a person I didn't know. I had nothing to say, no entry into the conversation. I wondered if I should try to change the subject or if I should get up and talk to someone else. Then I realized I was quite comfortable on the bench and happy just to sit there. Nothing was required of me; I was fine. In that moment, I realized I really might not be shy anymore. I was no more skilled socially, but suddenly I didn't care.
Right after that I returned to New York. Walking in Brooklyn one day, I caught myself casting my eyes to the ground when I passed a man on the street. I decided not to do that anymore. Then I decided to smile at everyone I passed.
I was now middle-aged and my smiles were not likely to be misconstrued as come-ons. People smiled back. It felt pretty good. It felt great. I wasn't smiling to be liked or to elicit a smile in return. I smiled as a gift. I spread a little joy. It hadn't been my intention, but it was the effect. And that's when I discovered something profound about shyness: It's a little self-involved. How can you ever think about the other person if you're so busy worrying about yourself?
I decided to knock it off. The hypnotism session was more than two years ago, and I have actually enjoyed social gatherings since. A few days after I came back home, I went to a dance and made a date to meet a man at a chocolate factory. The chocolate was deep, dark, and delicious. The man turned out to have a Mexican girlfriend.
Even conquering shyness didn't make life perfect, but it has made it more interesting, and now when I feel like being a wet blanket, I know it's my choice.
By Beverly Donofrio from "O, The Oprah Magazine"
(OPRAH.com)
A few years ago, when I complained to my latest, greatest, and now past therapist that I didn't want to go to some party I was invited to, I'd be bored, have nothing to say to people -- whom I wouldn't like and who wouldn't like me --she pinned me with her penetrating gaze and said, "You're a shy person."
I didn't believe my therapist. Even though I did remember suffering paroxysms of dread whenever I might be called on in elementary school, and how I would sit for an hour salivating in front of a candy bowl at a relative's and still refuse the candy once it had been offered because I was too shy. But that was a long time ago.
Shy adults can't make eye contact; they dress plainly and turn red if you compliment them. I am not like that at all. I can be a flamboyant dresser, I meet your eye, and positively glow from attention and praise. I can even, if in the mood, be gregarious. Oprah.com:The cure for self-consciousness
Sure, I often turned down an invitation, but I thought I was merely a recluse or maybe a wet blanket until the afternoon I took a beta-blocker and experienced what it is like to truly not be shy. A few of us had made up a song and dance routine to perform at a friend's wedding as a toast. Before the performance, I took a beta-blocker, offered by a musician who claimed she could not be a performing oboist without it.
Beta-blockers are disinhibitors, often prescribed for people who have to speak or perform in public. I didn't take the pill sufficiently in advance to calm my nerves during the performance, but by the time I took my seat at the dinner table, it had kicked in. I am certain of this because of the outrageous idea I had: I should talk to somebody I didn't know.
After I talked to a dozen perfect strangers -- and table-hopped to do it -- instead of going home after the wedding reception, I went looking for a party I'd been invited to. I'd left the address at home because never in a million years had I expected to go. I couldn't find the party, so I drove into town to hear my friend Roland (who'd been inviting me for a year) play jazz at a bar.
It felt a little awkward to walk into a bar alone on a Saturday night, but not awkward enough to stop me. As I sat down and ordered a lemonade -- Sundays are my favorite days and I didn't want to risk a hangover -- it occurred to me that I was having fun. It also occurred to me this was probably due to the beta-blocker. I felt calm and easy, curious. It wasn't like being drunk, when you might say or do outrageous things. On the beta-blocker, I was behaving in the way I'd always aspired to: I was open, spontaneous, friendly.
At the bar, I struck up a conversation with the couple sitting beside me. They were tourists in my town, and when they told me they were thinking of returning for a month in the summer, I suggested that they might like to rent my house because I'd be away then. We made a date for them to come by on Sunday at 2 in the afternoon.
The next morning, no longer under the influence of the beta-blocker, I had a mini breakdown. Strangers interrupting my Sunday? And I'd have to talk to them. The old panic rushed in. Talking was easy last night, but it wouldn't be today, and they wouldn't like me.
I taped a note to my door apologizing for being unable to meet with them and then went about my solitary day -- until 2 o'clock, when there came a knocking at my door. Actually, it was a banging. Evidently the note had blown away. I didn't answer, and the strangers didn't go away. Once I'd failed to respond, it was impossible to answer the door. They knocked on neighbors' doors. They waited on the stoop. I crouched on my bed, my arms over my head, like I'd been taught to do as a kid in case of nuclear attack.
I felt awful -- selfish, mean, and a little nuts. I was beginning to suspect there was something wrong with me. A few nights later, I knew there was.
I'd stopped in the middle of town to watch a procession, which in my Mexican town is about as common as cornflakes for breakfast is in the States. An attractive man on the other side of the street smiled at me. I smiled back, then immediately cast my eyes to the ground and turned my back. I sensed him cross the street to stand next to me. I thought to myself, "Say something. Talk to him." I could not think of a single word, nor could I look at him. Eventually, he moved away and I went home.
That night I couldn't sleep for recalling all the times shyness had tripped me up. I'd gone to Guatemala to study Spanish for three weeks and never once struck up a conversation with anyone the entire time -- in Spanish or in English. I'd noticed the starving street dogs and how they slunk around anticipating a kick, and on a particularly low day I decided I was like them. Afraid of people, anticipating a kick in the pants metaphorically.
Shyness, I realized, was a defense mechanism, meant to place a distance between me and people, between me and hurt. But like most defenses, after a time it had turned on me and become the source of hurt.
I'd spent too many years and thousands of dollars to want to jump back on the therapeutic couch. And I didn't think even a Herculean act of will could make me flirtatious and friendly, open and at ease, but I did believe hypnotism could.
A year earlier, my friend Amy, who had been complaining that she'd lost her soul ever since she became the president of her own company, had been hypnotized to "feel her feelings." The hypnotist put her under and spoke to her unconscious.
"I know in the past there were very good reasons for Amy not to feel her feelings," he said. "But she'd like to feel them now. So can we let her feel her feelings for three months? If it doesn't work out, she can go back to not feeling them."
Amy told me she immediately started feeling her feelings and she still did, although sometimes she wished she didn't. A few weeks after Amy told me about being hypnotized, I sat next to a Lacanian analyst at a dinner party who said, "Psychoanalysis doesn't work; hypnotism does." Oprah.com: Is therapy for you?
Two positive mentions in two weeks were enough to make me want to give hypnotism a go. Amy recommended a hypnotherapist in Toronto. When I called Debbie Papadakis and said that I wanted to be hypnotized for shyness, she said, "Good for you. You're going to change in ways you can't even imagine. This will affect your entire life."
Even as I realized that Debbie had just planted a suggestion, the possibility of being comfortable in my own skin sent a tingly sensation right through me.
Debbie said, "If you want to take a long time and have somebody hold your hand, I'm not for you. I like results."
We met for six hours. I told her that one of my beliefs is that I am difficult and boring, and that people, most often men, don't like me.
Debbie explained that she would put me into a deep relaxed state. Then she would ask me questions derived from the exhaustive questionnaire she'd sent me. She told me that we probably wouldn't deal directly with shyness, since shyness encompassed so many issues.
"Think of a circle," she said, and drew one on a piece of paper. "And all these little circles around the circumference are your issues. They're all connected, see?" she said, drawing lines crisscrossing from all the little circles to the other little circles. "What do you think happens if one of these little circles unravels? All the connections start unraveling. So you see, we don't have to unravel all your issues, only some."
I sat in a reclining chair as Debbie asked me to close my eyes and imagine walking down stairs toward a beautiful, peaceful scene. Each step I descended drew me deeper down and made me more relaxed. When she asked me to open my eyes, I couldn't. Maybe I could -- I wasn't sure -- but I was sure I didn't want to. When I couldn't count backward from 100 past 97, I was under. It felt like being all cozy in bed the moment before you drift off to sleep.
Debbie had coached me ahead of time about responding to the questions she would ask me. I was to answer quickly, the first thing that came into my mind. It didn't matter if it was true or not. I was to say the first words or memory I thought of. Half the time I didn't know if I was making things up.
"Where are you?" Debbie barked, "inside or out?"
"In."
"How old are you?"
"Two."
"Who is with you?"
"My father. He just pushed me off his lap, and I'm crying. I think he had an erection."
"Can you forgive him for that?"
"No. He thought it was my fault."
"Can you understand how frightened his erection made him feel?"
"Yes."
"Can you see that it wasn't your fault and that he was just frightened, that in his heart he didn't mean to hurt or reject you? Can you talk to him and tell him how you feel?"
In six hours we dealt with my mother, father, child, money, fiction writing, feeling stupid, a girlfriend I was having a problem with, my grandson-to-be. Shyness was never mentioned until I was about to leave. She asked if I felt that I would still be shy. I thought I might not, but that shyness had been a habit for a very long time. "Habits," Debbie said, "are easy to break once you've done this work." Oprah.com: 5 ways to change a habit
That evening a friend threw me a cocktail party, inviting all the people I knew in Toronto and a few neighbors, more than 20 people in all. Normally, I would be filled with anxiety, thinking that small talk slays me, I will have nothing to say, people will think me boring, I'll want to leave in a few minutes and will be stuck for a few hours.
At one point, I sat on a bench in the garden between a woman and man who began talking about a person I didn't know. I had nothing to say, no entry into the conversation. I wondered if I should try to change the subject or if I should get up and talk to someone else. Then I realized I was quite comfortable on the bench and happy just to sit there. Nothing was required of me; I was fine. In that moment, I realized I really might not be shy anymore. I was no more skilled socially, but suddenly I didn't care.
Right after that I returned to New York. Walking in Brooklyn one day, I caught myself casting my eyes to the ground when I passed a man on the street. I decided not to do that anymore. Then I decided to smile at everyone I passed.
I was now middle-aged and my smiles were not likely to be misconstrued as come-ons. People smiled back. It felt pretty good. It felt great. I wasn't smiling to be liked or to elicit a smile in return. I smiled as a gift. I spread a little joy. It hadn't been my intention, but it was the effect. And that's when I discovered something profound about shyness: It's a little self-involved. How can you ever think about the other person if you're so busy worrying about yourself?
I decided to knock it off. The hypnotism session was more than two years ago, and I have actually enjoyed social gatherings since. A few days after I came back home, I went to a dance and made a date to meet a man at a chocolate factory. The chocolate was deep, dark, and delicious. The man turned out to have a Mexican girlfriend.
Even conquering shyness didn't make life perfect, but it has made it more interesting, and now when I feel like being a wet blanket, I know it's my choice.
By Beverly Donofrio from "O, The Oprah Magazine"
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