Showing posts with label priceless moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label priceless moments. Show all posts
I just received a call from my DAD today. It is something that I always look forward to. I really missed my family so much. Every time a got a call from them,it always bring tears to my eyes.
Even though we are oceans apart, we make sure that we do keep in touch from time to time.
Wouldn't life be so much good if your parents are living near you or within your reach. You can easily share your dreams, your joys, your fears, your sadness, your pains and your triumph.
During the lowest point in my life, it is in them that I get my strenght to go on.
They are not a perfect couple, nor a perfect parents. But they have gone through a lot of life's challenges. Their views may not always agree with one another but its their mutual respect for each other that they can achieved a win-win situation.
I am just starting to take the road that they had taken years ago. I hope some day my children will look at me with the same admiration as I have with my parents.
Even though we are oceans apart, we make sure that we do keep in touch from time to time.
Wouldn't life be so much good if your parents are living near you or within your reach. You can easily share your dreams, your joys, your fears, your sadness, your pains and your triumph.
During the lowest point in my life, it is in them that I get my strenght to go on.
They are not a perfect couple, nor a perfect parents. But they have gone through a lot of life's challenges. Their views may not always agree with one another but its their mutual respect for each other that they can achieved a win-win situation.
I am just starting to take the road that they had taken years ago. I hope some day my children will look at me with the same admiration as I have with my parents.
Mission Control
Do you have control issues? Do you tell your partner how he or she should drive or how to get things done? Learn how to be comfortable when not in control
By Neil Fiore, Ph.D. Updated: Nov 13, 2007
Question: Why do I feel so uncomfortable when I'm not in control?
Answer:
Control vs. Trust
Like so many counterproductive habits, trying to control others can be a way of coping with insecurities. What's to fear? How about your survival and safety? If your sense of trust in the world -- and in your parents -- was broken at an early age because of natural disasters, illness or war, for example, you learn to cope alone and try to control as much as you can without relying on others. This can cause you to become hyper-vigilant and alert to your surroundings, often making it difficult for you to sleep, enjoy vacations or just relax.
Control Is Addictive
Once you've had a taste of control, you'll find you always need more
Once you've had a taste of control, you'll find you always need more; you won't be able to have enough control to feel secure, safe and invulnerable to loss and pain. Why? Because our security in this world is limited and there's no guarantee that you'll be invulnerable to hurt and loss. If, for example, you have a family history of money worries, you might try to control your partner's spending by creating a strict budget. Trying to control his or her spending won't solve your addiction to control or your insecurity about money. Even having more money won't cure your habit of trying to calm these worries; you'll just be grabbing for more control.
The Solution: Let Go and Discover You're Supported
When you first learn to swim, you use your muscles to struggle and stay afloat. When you're exhausted from all the hard work, you then discover the water holds your body and you can float almost effortlessly. It's the same with learning to let go of struggle and control: you'll find that you are held by the earth, a chair, a bed and your body's ability to relax.
You can begin by experimenting with accepting the fact that
you are human and, therefore, vulnerable to hurt and loss and joyful surprises
you are human and, therefore, vulnerable to hurt and loss and joyful surprises, regardless of how much control you try to have. Some of my most vigilant and controlling clients learned to relax their need for control by first consciously letting go of their breath. They overcame their insomnia and controlling habits very slowly. They began by observing that when you let go of holding your breath and muscles, your body takes care of inhaling, and the chair and the floor support you without much effort on your part. So let's give it a try.
Try Three-part Breathing
Inhale.
Hold your breath while tightening your muscles.
Exhale slowly and completely as you float down into the support of the chair and floor.
Perform this three-part breathing a few more times with your eyes closed so you really feel the experience of letting go and finding that you are supported by the chair, the laws of nature and your body's wisdom.
Repeat this exercise throughout your day whenever you feel insecure or become aware of the impulse to control others. Soon you'll discover you can let go of muscle tension and build a sense of connection with a trustworthy support system. You'll be teaching your body and your conscious mind and ego they don't have to struggle alone. You'll be accessing more of your brainpower, thereby becoming more effective and efficient with less effort. That'll make you breathe easy.
By Neil Fiore, Ph.D. Updated: Nov 13, 2007
Question: Why do I feel so uncomfortable when I'm not in control?
Answer:
Control vs. Trust
Like so many counterproductive habits, trying to control others can be a way of coping with insecurities. What's to fear? How about your survival and safety? If your sense of trust in the world -- and in your parents -- was broken at an early age because of natural disasters, illness or war, for example, you learn to cope alone and try to control as much as you can without relying on others. This can cause you to become hyper-vigilant and alert to your surroundings, often making it difficult for you to sleep, enjoy vacations or just relax.
Control Is Addictive
Once you've had a taste of control, you'll find you always need more
Once you've had a taste of control, you'll find you always need more; you won't be able to have enough control to feel secure, safe and invulnerable to loss and pain. Why? Because our security in this world is limited and there's no guarantee that you'll be invulnerable to hurt and loss. If, for example, you have a family history of money worries, you might try to control your partner's spending by creating a strict budget. Trying to control his or her spending won't solve your addiction to control or your insecurity about money. Even having more money won't cure your habit of trying to calm these worries; you'll just be grabbing for more control.
The Solution: Let Go and Discover You're Supported
When you first learn to swim, you use your muscles to struggle and stay afloat. When you're exhausted from all the hard work, you then discover the water holds your body and you can float almost effortlessly. It's the same with learning to let go of struggle and control: you'll find that you are held by the earth, a chair, a bed and your body's ability to relax.
You can begin by experimenting with accepting the fact that
you are human and, therefore, vulnerable to hurt and loss and joyful surprises
you are human and, therefore, vulnerable to hurt and loss and joyful surprises, regardless of how much control you try to have. Some of my most vigilant and controlling clients learned to relax their need for control by first consciously letting go of their breath. They overcame their insomnia and controlling habits very slowly. They began by observing that when you let go of holding your breath and muscles, your body takes care of inhaling, and the chair and the floor support you without much effort on your part. So let's give it a try.
Try Three-part Breathing
Inhale.
Hold your breath while tightening your muscles.
Exhale slowly and completely as you float down into the support of the chair and floor.
Perform this three-part breathing a few more times with your eyes closed so you really feel the experience of letting go and finding that you are supported by the chair, the laws of nature and your body's wisdom.
Repeat this exercise throughout your day whenever you feel insecure or become aware of the impulse to control others. Soon you'll discover you can let go of muscle tension and build a sense of connection with a trustworthy support system. You'll be teaching your body and your conscious mind and ego they don't have to struggle alone. You'll be accessing more of your brainpower, thereby becoming more effective and efficient with less effort. That'll make you breathe easy.
Things Every Parent Should Make Sure to Teach Their Kids
Honesty & Trust
In my opinion, the single most important part of raising a child is to be honest with them, about everything…always! If your child knows they can trust everything you say, then they will be more likely to trust you, and your judgment, on things that matter most. At age 4 my son asked me if Santa Claus was real. I responded with “what do you thing?” His assumption was correct. I have also learned that saying “I don’t know” is a better response that incorrect information. In the age of the internet you can say I don’t know, but let’s find out. When I talk to my son I speak to him as if he is an adult. If I say a word I think he may not understand, I ask him and explain if he doesn’t. He asks me questions about money, his body, relationships, people with special needs, diseases and even how babies get into a mothers’ tummy. I give him as simple of an answer as I can while still being honest. I occasionally talk to him about “grown-up things,” which he knows to keep private and not talk about outside of our home. These are things like his step-brother’s mom being hateful to my husband, why I left my sons’ father, and other things that may be hurtful or embarrassing if said to certain people. I feel if he is old enough to ask why, then he should get an answer, but it is still something private and should not be discussed with others.
The payoff – Closeness. There is nothing my son can’t talk to me about. He values my opinion and trusts that I will do the right thing.
Selflessness
Putting others before yourself was the moral that I was the most concerned with teaching my son. Children are by nature selfish. It is our job to teach them that they are not the only people whose feeling should be considered in making decisions. I have found that the best way to teach this is by example. On our way home from a night at Chucky Cheese, we came to a red light where there was a homeless man in the median with a sign that read "Hungry, please help." I asked my husband if there were leftovers from dinner. He parked the car, turned on the flashers, and popped the trunk. He hurried over to the man and gave him the to-go box from dinner and jumped back in the car. My son was confused and asked what was going on. We told him that not everyone has enough food to eat, and since we had extra, and this man was hungry, we gave him ours.
My son experienced selflessness at school when he lost his milk money. A girl in his class gave him one of her Yoo-Hoos. We made a big deal about how wonderful it was of her to be so generous and that he should make sure to thank her again for being so kind to him.
The payoff – My son knows that our family is having hard financial times. He gets a $5 allowance for having good behavior all week at school. We currently owe him $10 and I told him I would give it to him tonight. He said to me this morning, “Mommy, you don’t have to give me the $10. You can keep it to help pay bills.” It was all I could do to not burst into tears.
The Golden Rule
I began with telling my son, when I witnessed him being unkind to someone, that acting that way will make people think he is a bad person. I would also discuss with him how he would feel if someone had treated him that way. When he would do something nice for someone, I would make a big deal about what a good person he was for thinking of others. Now, at 7, he gets it. He doesn’t make fun of people; he doesn’t say hurtful things to people; he walks away when people are being unkind to him (though it is still difficult for him to understand why others are unkind); he doesn’t fight, and is very loving and thoughtful without being a pushover.
The payoff – I witnessed the neighbor boy teasing the Ice Cream Man by getting him to stop when he didn’t have ice cream money. He did it several times and the Ice Cream Man finally just drove off. Then the boy started screaming terrible things at the driver as he left. My son was standing next to him and another boy. As the other boy was laughing his head off, my son dropped his head and walked away. He came over to me and I asked him what was wrong. He said he was embarrassed to be friends with those boys because of how they treated that man.
Chivalry, Pride and Good Citizenship
These traits are learned directly from example. My son sees my husband open doors for women, so he does the same. He does not yet understand why ladies should get this special treatment, but likes the acknowledgement he receives for being “such a polite young man.” These types of acknowledgements lead him to feel pride in himself for doing the correct thing.
Acknowledging good behavior, academic effort, physical skill and good citizenship, all reinforce a sense of pride in oneself. This tiny little thing has made a huge difference in my child. He tries harder and goes out of his way to do well, to be thoughtful and help others because he knows it is the right thing to do, and it makes him feel good about himself. Even if I am not there to praise him, he knows I would be proud of him. I cannot stress how deeply I feel about finding a reason to praise children.
Good citizenship, to me, is the duty that comes with being a member of civilized society. Everyone has a responsibility to follow the law, and prevent those who don’t from harming others. Everyone has a duty to protect and defend from harm those who are weaker or less capable, such as the elderly, the mentally challenged, and the very young. This can be a difficult lesson to teach, but a very important one. My son and I once went to visit my friend who was taking care of his 95 year old grandmother. Grandmother could not walk unassisted and could barely still feed herself. She was very bony, and my son later told me she looked like a skeleton. When we went into her room she was noticeable pleased to see a child, and reached out her hand to greet him. He looked at me, as if asking “will she hurt me” and I nodded for him to go ahead. He held her hand and she said how nice and warm his hands felt.
The Payoff - He was terrified of her the entire time, but kept it hidden and began rubbing her hands to warm them up.
It is our job as parents to make sure our children are brave, and that they do the right things. There was an incident near our town where an 18 year old boy assaulted a 14 year old girl on a crowded school bus for 15 minutes, and no one did anything to help her. I thought to myself, “What are parents teaching their children? Are people really so scared and self-centered that they would keep walking if they saw someone being hurt? Well not my son!” I called him down to have a talk. I asked him what he would do if he saw someone hurting another person. He said he would try to help by calling an adult or calling the police. I told him that those are good responses, but I also said that if he felt he was big enough to stop what was going on, he should try. This goes for bullying, fights and other situations where someone is abusing another being. Yes, I know this could put him in harm’s way, but I have to ask myself “What kind of person do I want my son to be? The kind that keeps walking….or the kind that makes a difference? How would he feel if he didn’t help and something terrible happened to the victim?” In my opinion, it is better to be a battered hero than a pristine coward.
Tolerance, Discrimination & Racism
Tolerance is a virtue that even most adults struggle with. I don’t just mean different races, I mean anyone that is different than I am, which everyone is. We have to be tolerant of different belief systems, sexualities, countries, intelligence levels, disabilities, trends, fads and many other things that may not conform to who we are as a person. That doesn’t mean we have to embrace these differences, only learn to live with them in such a way that everyone can be themselves without fear of persecution. That is what our country is all about.
Racism and discrimination are learned behaviors. Unfortunately, my son has had to deal with discrimination. Two of the children in our neighborhood said their parents told them they could not play with my son because he and his family do not believe in God. I explained to him that sometimes when people believe something very strongly, it makes them very uncomfortable to be around other people who don’t believe the same thing. God is one of those things, and so is the thought that people of one skin color are better than people of another skin color. People have been killed, wars have been fought and people have been made slaves because of these beliefs. Even today, some people cannot accept that though we may look, act or think differently, we are really all the same. I’ve taught my son to use color to describe how people look, not what their race they are. He says brown people, tan people, white people instead of black people, Caucasian people or Irish people. People who live in America are Americans; people who live in China are Chinese; people who live in Egypt are Egyptian.
The Payoff - He is interested in people from different countries because he is likes to find out what is different there, and since he finds girls of all races beautiful, it is an excuse to strike up a conversation with all the pretty girls.
Children are a direct reflection of the people who raise them. I was lucky enough to learn these lessons in time to teach my child how to be a good person. Every day he amazes me with his openness, concern for others, and selflessness. He is turning into the kind of person I would be honored to have as a friend, a husband, a father and a role-model. What more can you ask for?
In my opinion, the single most important part of raising a child is to be honest with them, about everything…always! If your child knows they can trust everything you say, then they will be more likely to trust you, and your judgment, on things that matter most. At age 4 my son asked me if Santa Claus was real. I responded with “what do you thing?” His assumption was correct. I have also learned that saying “I don’t know” is a better response that incorrect information. In the age of the internet you can say I don’t know, but let’s find out. When I talk to my son I speak to him as if he is an adult. If I say a word I think he may not understand, I ask him and explain if he doesn’t. He asks me questions about money, his body, relationships, people with special needs, diseases and even how babies get into a mothers’ tummy. I give him as simple of an answer as I can while still being honest. I occasionally talk to him about “grown-up things,” which he knows to keep private and not talk about outside of our home. These are things like his step-brother’s mom being hateful to my husband, why I left my sons’ father, and other things that may be hurtful or embarrassing if said to certain people. I feel if he is old enough to ask why, then he should get an answer, but it is still something private and should not be discussed with others.
The payoff – Closeness. There is nothing my son can’t talk to me about. He values my opinion and trusts that I will do the right thing.
Selflessness
Putting others before yourself was the moral that I was the most concerned with teaching my son. Children are by nature selfish. It is our job to teach them that they are not the only people whose feeling should be considered in making decisions. I have found that the best way to teach this is by example. On our way home from a night at Chucky Cheese, we came to a red light where there was a homeless man in the median with a sign that read "Hungry, please help." I asked my husband if there were leftovers from dinner. He parked the car, turned on the flashers, and popped the trunk. He hurried over to the man and gave him the to-go box from dinner and jumped back in the car. My son was confused and asked what was going on. We told him that not everyone has enough food to eat, and since we had extra, and this man was hungry, we gave him ours.
My son experienced selflessness at school when he lost his milk money. A girl in his class gave him one of her Yoo-Hoos. We made a big deal about how wonderful it was of her to be so generous and that he should make sure to thank her again for being so kind to him.
The payoff – My son knows that our family is having hard financial times. He gets a $5 allowance for having good behavior all week at school. We currently owe him $10 and I told him I would give it to him tonight. He said to me this morning, “Mommy, you don’t have to give me the $10. You can keep it to help pay bills.” It was all I could do to not burst into tears.
The Golden Rule
I began with telling my son, when I witnessed him being unkind to someone, that acting that way will make people think he is a bad person. I would also discuss with him how he would feel if someone had treated him that way. When he would do something nice for someone, I would make a big deal about what a good person he was for thinking of others. Now, at 7, he gets it. He doesn’t make fun of people; he doesn’t say hurtful things to people; he walks away when people are being unkind to him (though it is still difficult for him to understand why others are unkind); he doesn’t fight, and is very loving and thoughtful without being a pushover.
The payoff – I witnessed the neighbor boy teasing the Ice Cream Man by getting him to stop when he didn’t have ice cream money. He did it several times and the Ice Cream Man finally just drove off. Then the boy started screaming terrible things at the driver as he left. My son was standing next to him and another boy. As the other boy was laughing his head off, my son dropped his head and walked away. He came over to me and I asked him what was wrong. He said he was embarrassed to be friends with those boys because of how they treated that man.
Chivalry, Pride and Good Citizenship
These traits are learned directly from example. My son sees my husband open doors for women, so he does the same. He does not yet understand why ladies should get this special treatment, but likes the acknowledgement he receives for being “such a polite young man.” These types of acknowledgements lead him to feel pride in himself for doing the correct thing.
Acknowledging good behavior, academic effort, physical skill and good citizenship, all reinforce a sense of pride in oneself. This tiny little thing has made a huge difference in my child. He tries harder and goes out of his way to do well, to be thoughtful and help others because he knows it is the right thing to do, and it makes him feel good about himself. Even if I am not there to praise him, he knows I would be proud of him. I cannot stress how deeply I feel about finding a reason to praise children.
Good citizenship, to me, is the duty that comes with being a member of civilized society. Everyone has a responsibility to follow the law, and prevent those who don’t from harming others. Everyone has a duty to protect and defend from harm those who are weaker or less capable, such as the elderly, the mentally challenged, and the very young. This can be a difficult lesson to teach, but a very important one. My son and I once went to visit my friend who was taking care of his 95 year old grandmother. Grandmother could not walk unassisted and could barely still feed herself. She was very bony, and my son later told me she looked like a skeleton. When we went into her room she was noticeable pleased to see a child, and reached out her hand to greet him. He looked at me, as if asking “will she hurt me” and I nodded for him to go ahead. He held her hand and she said how nice and warm his hands felt.
The Payoff - He was terrified of her the entire time, but kept it hidden and began rubbing her hands to warm them up.
It is our job as parents to make sure our children are brave, and that they do the right things. There was an incident near our town where an 18 year old boy assaulted a 14 year old girl on a crowded school bus for 15 minutes, and no one did anything to help her. I thought to myself, “What are parents teaching their children? Are people really so scared and self-centered that they would keep walking if they saw someone being hurt? Well not my son!” I called him down to have a talk. I asked him what he would do if he saw someone hurting another person. He said he would try to help by calling an adult or calling the police. I told him that those are good responses, but I also said that if he felt he was big enough to stop what was going on, he should try. This goes for bullying, fights and other situations where someone is abusing another being. Yes, I know this could put him in harm’s way, but I have to ask myself “What kind of person do I want my son to be? The kind that keeps walking….or the kind that makes a difference? How would he feel if he didn’t help and something terrible happened to the victim?” In my opinion, it is better to be a battered hero than a pristine coward.
Tolerance, Discrimination & Racism
Tolerance is a virtue that even most adults struggle with. I don’t just mean different races, I mean anyone that is different than I am, which everyone is. We have to be tolerant of different belief systems, sexualities, countries, intelligence levels, disabilities, trends, fads and many other things that may not conform to who we are as a person. That doesn’t mean we have to embrace these differences, only learn to live with them in such a way that everyone can be themselves without fear of persecution. That is what our country is all about.
Racism and discrimination are learned behaviors. Unfortunately, my son has had to deal with discrimination. Two of the children in our neighborhood said their parents told them they could not play with my son because he and his family do not believe in God. I explained to him that sometimes when people believe something very strongly, it makes them very uncomfortable to be around other people who don’t believe the same thing. God is one of those things, and so is the thought that people of one skin color are better than people of another skin color. People have been killed, wars have been fought and people have been made slaves because of these beliefs. Even today, some people cannot accept that though we may look, act or think differently, we are really all the same. I’ve taught my son to use color to describe how people look, not what their race they are. He says brown people, tan people, white people instead of black people, Caucasian people or Irish people. People who live in America are Americans; people who live in China are Chinese; people who live in Egypt are Egyptian.
The Payoff - He is interested in people from different countries because he is likes to find out what is different there, and since he finds girls of all races beautiful, it is an excuse to strike up a conversation with all the pretty girls.
Children are a direct reflection of the people who raise them. I was lucky enough to learn these lessons in time to teach my child how to be a good person. Every day he amazes me with his openness, concern for others, and selflessness. He is turning into the kind of person I would be honored to have as a friend, a husband, a father and a role-model. What more can you ask for?
'Don't fight in front of the kids' and other advice you can ignore
By Fernanda Moore
The world is full of advice for married couples, newlyweds or not -- some of it commonsensical, most of it well-intentioned, and much of it wrong. In the 14 years we've been married, my husband and I have broken all the rules at least once -- and when I copped to friends, most of them gleefully admitted they'd done the same.
Having a baby puts enormous strain on your relationship. One solution? Simple acknowledgment.
So I asked them to go on the record as we figured out the biggest myths about marriage. With the help of a few experts (themselves veterans of long, kid-filled relationships), we've decoded what bits of conventional wisdom are worth tossing -- and what are worth tweaking -- from the suggestions we've all heard since walking down the aisle.
Myth: Never go to bed angry
It sounds reasonable -- why risk letting a fight smolder overnight only to flare up again the next day? Better to resolve things, sleep soundly, and start fresh.
What we say: Just agree to disagree until morning -- especially if it's midnight, there's no resolution in sight, and you're dying on the vine. After all, not every argument comes with a built-in time limit.
When Brooke Kline of Rohnert Park, California, and her husband wave a temporary white flag and hit the sheets, they see the issue more clearly in the morning. "We aren't so caught up in our emotions," says this mom of a 9-month-old.
Alternately, agreeing beforehand to make up can take the edge off a disagreement. Rachel Kincade of Fort Hood, Texas, says when she can't resolve a conflict with her husband, they have to spend the next day saying or doing nice things for the other person. "By the end of the day, you feel so pumped up on compliments that you just can't stay mad!"
Parenting.com: Love and war
Of course, going to sleep angry isn't great. But here's the bright side: "Even if you go to bed mad and sleep in separate rooms once in a while, you'll be OK -- and so will the relationship," says David Wexler, Ph.D., author of "When Good Men Behave Badly" (and a dad of two who has been married for 24 years).
Myth: Having a baby brings you closer
When my older son was born, my normally reticent husband and I suddenly had a million things to talk about. (Of course, we spent most of our time talking about one subject: the baby! The baby! And did I mention the baby?)
But then my husband went back to work, the traitor. And the baby got colic. And the thrill of nursing all night and staggering around like a zombie all day began to wear thin. Naturally, I couldn't take my frustrations out on my precious tiny bundle... but I had to blame someone. Guess who?
What we say: Having a baby is the ultimate bonding experience. But it also puts enormous strain on your relationship. One solution? Simple acknowledgment -- couples tend to have problems when they expect everything to go smoothly.
You'll also definitely need help with the unbelievable physical labor babies require. "Delegate. If you're good at the bedtime routine and your spouse loves bathtime, you can divide and conquer the tedious parts of parenting," says Karen Reivich, Ph.D., a research associate at the University of Pennsylvania's Positive Psychology Center, coauthor of "The Resilience Factor," and -- most important -- a mom of four who's been married for 14 years.
It helps to get away from the baby on a semi-regular basis. If a formal "date night" makes you cringe, or the logistics seem impossible, opt for something more low-key. "We don't leave the house because we can't afford a baby sitter, but every Wednesday night, after the kids are in bed, my husband and I have a glass of wine together as far away as possible from their bedrooms," says Reivich.
Myth: Spouses should be best friends as well as romantic partners
It sounds wonderful, doesn't it? After all, you and your husband know each other better than anyone else, so why wouldn't he be your best friend, too?
What we say: "Romantic relationships are different from friendships. One person can't be everything to you," says Andrea Smith, a mom of two in Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.
In other words, don't beat yourself up if it sometimes feels like you're closer to the mom next door than to your mate. "It would be great if your husband is someone you have fun with, respect, have great sex with, work well with as a parent, and is your soulmate. But almost no one gets all that in one relationship," says Wexler. And if you and your partner manage some of these things, "you've been blessed," he adds. The trick is to keep your bond going on some level. "Stay involved in your partner's life. When you separate in the morning, make sure you know at least one detail of each other's day -- and ask about it later," says Wexler. Parenting.com: Secrets of a made-to-last marriage
It helps to be grateful for what you do have. "Rick and I have been together since high school -- and he's not my best friend," says Deborah Coakley, a mom of three in Ridgewood, New Jersey. "But after everything we've gone through, he's definitely my most constant friend."
Myth: Don't worry about your (lack of) sex life
In the first months of babyhood, hormones, exhaustion, and what the baby books call being "touched out" -- a polite way to describe wanting to scream if one more human being comes within three feet of you -- all conspire to make sex seem only slightly more appealing than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
What we say: At the risk of sounding unenlightened, after you've had a baby (and especially after the second child), sex becomes absolutely critical to your relationship.
When you're busy, stressed, and seeing about one-tenth as much of each other, sex is the quickest and most rewarding way to reconnect with whatever scraps of the unencumbered and madly-in-love people you both used to be.
"My husband and I snap at each other nonstop when we haven't slept together in a while," says Coakley. And, sure, it's easy to put off sex -- after all, you live with the guy and tomorrow is another day. But don't. As a friend so memorably put it: "There's nothing like an orgasm and an absurdly grateful husband to improve your outlook on life."
You also don't have to fall for the notion that good sex requires an elaborate romantic getaway with your spouse -- that just sets you up for disappointment. It's better to take advantage of frequent stolen moments. "Embrace the quickie -- and widen your repertoire of what counts as good sex," says Reivich. Even if you don't go, as they say, all the way, physical contact of any kind is its own thrill.
Myth: Don't fight in front of the kids
When moms and dads fight, it's scary. Babies can tell when you're angry (and will probably get upset) and bigger kids will worry that the two of you are on the verge of a divorce.
What we say: It can be valuable for children to see their parents work through a disagreement with good will. Kids also need to learn that even people who love each other don't get along perfectly. "It's unrealistic to expect no conflict," says Smith. "If you never have a difference of opinion with your spouse, then you've obviously found someone who agrees with everything you think. How boring!"
In other words, it's fine -- even healthy -- for kids to witness your arguments. But there are caveats. (Aren't there always?) "When you argue in front of your kids, it's important to fight fair," says Reivich. "Instead of shouting 'You're a lazy slob!' say 'It really bothers me when you don't take out the trash.' Take issue with the action, not the person, and don't hurl insults." So if the fight is too intense, or there's no resolution in sight, table it until the kids aren't around.
Myth: Never take your spouse for granted
This is the secret of happy marriages, right? Because taking someone for granted means you've stopped appreciating that person.
What we say: Taking your beloved for granted in a marital context can actually mean you know you can count on him, depend on him, trust him -- that you are, without question, absolutely there for each other.
This might mean you've accepted certain roles within your family. "My husband and I definitely take each other for granted," says Jillian Waddell, a mom of one in Princeton, Massachusetts. "Scott works full-time -- which he never complains about, even though it's sometimes stressful." When you're married with children, feeling secure enough to lean on your spouse without worrying can be immensely liberating.
However, taking your loyal spouse for granted and treating him like dirt aren't the same thing. Simply expressing gratitude goes a long way. "My husband cooks dinner every night," says the incredibly lucky Reivich, "and though I'm used to it, I'm smart enough to know what a deal I've got. So I say, 'Gee, I don't even have to think about cooking dinner anymore, it's so wonderful, thank you,' every once in a while." And that's a piece of advice we all should follow. E-mail to a friend
Copyright 2007 The Parenting Group. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.
Fernanda Moore has written for New York magazine.
All About Parenting
The world is full of advice for married couples, newlyweds or not -- some of it commonsensical, most of it well-intentioned, and much of it wrong. In the 14 years we've been married, my husband and I have broken all the rules at least once -- and when I copped to friends, most of them gleefully admitted they'd done the same.
Having a baby puts enormous strain on your relationship. One solution? Simple acknowledgment.
So I asked them to go on the record as we figured out the biggest myths about marriage. With the help of a few experts (themselves veterans of long, kid-filled relationships), we've decoded what bits of conventional wisdom are worth tossing -- and what are worth tweaking -- from the suggestions we've all heard since walking down the aisle.
Myth: Never go to bed angry
It sounds reasonable -- why risk letting a fight smolder overnight only to flare up again the next day? Better to resolve things, sleep soundly, and start fresh.
What we say: Just agree to disagree until morning -- especially if it's midnight, there's no resolution in sight, and you're dying on the vine. After all, not every argument comes with a built-in time limit.
When Brooke Kline of Rohnert Park, California, and her husband wave a temporary white flag and hit the sheets, they see the issue more clearly in the morning. "We aren't so caught up in our emotions," says this mom of a 9-month-old.
Alternately, agreeing beforehand to make up can take the edge off a disagreement. Rachel Kincade of Fort Hood, Texas, says when she can't resolve a conflict with her husband, they have to spend the next day saying or doing nice things for the other person. "By the end of the day, you feel so pumped up on compliments that you just can't stay mad!"
Parenting.com: Love and war
Of course, going to sleep angry isn't great. But here's the bright side: "Even if you go to bed mad and sleep in separate rooms once in a while, you'll be OK -- and so will the relationship," says David Wexler, Ph.D., author of "When Good Men Behave Badly" (and a dad of two who has been married for 24 years).
Myth: Having a baby brings you closer
When my older son was born, my normally reticent husband and I suddenly had a million things to talk about. (Of course, we spent most of our time talking about one subject: the baby! The baby! And did I mention the baby?)
But then my husband went back to work, the traitor. And the baby got colic. And the thrill of nursing all night and staggering around like a zombie all day began to wear thin. Naturally, I couldn't take my frustrations out on my precious tiny bundle... but I had to blame someone. Guess who?
What we say: Having a baby is the ultimate bonding experience. But it also puts enormous strain on your relationship. One solution? Simple acknowledgment -- couples tend to have problems when they expect everything to go smoothly.
You'll also definitely need help with the unbelievable physical labor babies require. "Delegate. If you're good at the bedtime routine and your spouse loves bathtime, you can divide and conquer the tedious parts of parenting," says Karen Reivich, Ph.D., a research associate at the University of Pennsylvania's Positive Psychology Center, coauthor of "The Resilience Factor," and -- most important -- a mom of four who's been married for 14 years.
It helps to get away from the baby on a semi-regular basis. If a formal "date night" makes you cringe, or the logistics seem impossible, opt for something more low-key. "We don't leave the house because we can't afford a baby sitter, but every Wednesday night, after the kids are in bed, my husband and I have a glass of wine together as far away as possible from their bedrooms," says Reivich.
Myth: Spouses should be best friends as well as romantic partners
It sounds wonderful, doesn't it? After all, you and your husband know each other better than anyone else, so why wouldn't he be your best friend, too?
What we say: "Romantic relationships are different from friendships. One person can't be everything to you," says Andrea Smith, a mom of two in Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.
In other words, don't beat yourself up if it sometimes feels like you're closer to the mom next door than to your mate. "It would be great if your husband is someone you have fun with, respect, have great sex with, work well with as a parent, and is your soulmate. But almost no one gets all that in one relationship," says Wexler. And if you and your partner manage some of these things, "you've been blessed," he adds. The trick is to keep your bond going on some level. "Stay involved in your partner's life. When you separate in the morning, make sure you know at least one detail of each other's day -- and ask about it later," says Wexler. Parenting.com: Secrets of a made-to-last marriage
It helps to be grateful for what you do have. "Rick and I have been together since high school -- and he's not my best friend," says Deborah Coakley, a mom of three in Ridgewood, New Jersey. "But after everything we've gone through, he's definitely my most constant friend."
Myth: Don't worry about your (lack of) sex life
In the first months of babyhood, hormones, exhaustion, and what the baby books call being "touched out" -- a polite way to describe wanting to scream if one more human being comes within three feet of you -- all conspire to make sex seem only slightly more appealing than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
What we say: At the risk of sounding unenlightened, after you've had a baby (and especially after the second child), sex becomes absolutely critical to your relationship.
When you're busy, stressed, and seeing about one-tenth as much of each other, sex is the quickest and most rewarding way to reconnect with whatever scraps of the unencumbered and madly-in-love people you both used to be.
"My husband and I snap at each other nonstop when we haven't slept together in a while," says Coakley. And, sure, it's easy to put off sex -- after all, you live with the guy and tomorrow is another day. But don't. As a friend so memorably put it: "There's nothing like an orgasm and an absurdly grateful husband to improve your outlook on life."
You also don't have to fall for the notion that good sex requires an elaborate romantic getaway with your spouse -- that just sets you up for disappointment. It's better to take advantage of frequent stolen moments. "Embrace the quickie -- and widen your repertoire of what counts as good sex," says Reivich. Even if you don't go, as they say, all the way, physical contact of any kind is its own thrill.
Myth: Don't fight in front of the kids
When moms and dads fight, it's scary. Babies can tell when you're angry (and will probably get upset) and bigger kids will worry that the two of you are on the verge of a divorce.
What we say: It can be valuable for children to see their parents work through a disagreement with good will. Kids also need to learn that even people who love each other don't get along perfectly. "It's unrealistic to expect no conflict," says Smith. "If you never have a difference of opinion with your spouse, then you've obviously found someone who agrees with everything you think. How boring!"
In other words, it's fine -- even healthy -- for kids to witness your arguments. But there are caveats. (Aren't there always?) "When you argue in front of your kids, it's important to fight fair," says Reivich. "Instead of shouting 'You're a lazy slob!' say 'It really bothers me when you don't take out the trash.' Take issue with the action, not the person, and don't hurl insults." So if the fight is too intense, or there's no resolution in sight, table it until the kids aren't around.
Myth: Never take your spouse for granted
This is the secret of happy marriages, right? Because taking someone for granted means you've stopped appreciating that person.
What we say: Taking your beloved for granted in a marital context can actually mean you know you can count on him, depend on him, trust him -- that you are, without question, absolutely there for each other.
This might mean you've accepted certain roles within your family. "My husband and I definitely take each other for granted," says Jillian Waddell, a mom of one in Princeton, Massachusetts. "Scott works full-time -- which he never complains about, even though it's sometimes stressful." When you're married with children, feeling secure enough to lean on your spouse without worrying can be immensely liberating.
However, taking your loyal spouse for granted and treating him like dirt aren't the same thing. Simply expressing gratitude goes a long way. "My husband cooks dinner every night," says the incredibly lucky Reivich, "and though I'm used to it, I'm smart enough to know what a deal I've got. So I say, 'Gee, I don't even have to think about cooking dinner anymore, it's so wonderful, thank you,' every once in a while." And that's a piece of advice we all should follow. E-mail to a friend
Copyright 2007 The Parenting Group. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.
Fernanda Moore has written for New York magazine.
All About Parenting
tokwa't baboy
hubby and i had fun today. we did our usually workout at gym. and after that hubby took mo to this new restuarant. we ordered our favorite "tokwa't baboy" (its tofu with some fried pork dip in sauce). it was the best tokwa recipe i've ever tasted. i will surely come back here to have some more of this delicious food.
later that night, it was our videoke time. a bonding moments spend with our kids.
i was surprised to see my kids singing songs released even during my parents time!
oh well, this was a revelation they got talent in singing. isn't that great!
later that night, it was our videoke time. a bonding moments spend with our kids.
i was surprised to see my kids singing songs released even during my parents time!
oh well, this was a revelation they got talent in singing. isn't that great!
hubby did the dishes
It has been four days since Monday that my hubby has been volunteering to do the dishes after dinner. Is it not so sweet! It is the examination week of my kids and I have to assist them with their studies. My hubby also spends time tutoring my kids with their studies. But after dinner, I think he would rather do the dishes instead of tutoring. I think he is watching the television after doing the dishes. Oh its ok, at least I don’t have to rush washing the dishes then tutoring the kids with their studies. It is so stressful.
And today is Friday a relax day for all of us.
And today is Friday a relax day for all of us.
old greeting cards and love letters
today i stayed home, and did not go to work. my mother-in-law has to be somewhere else, so i stayed home. somebody has to be here when my kids arrive from school.
first, i did some laundry. then, i cleaned our two rooms.
while cleaning the last room, i stumbled upon my old love letter box. i opened it to see if all my letters are still neatly piled inside the box. just recently, i learned that my letter girl has been doing some digging with my things. its ok though, she is a very curious and adventurous girl
It was a rediscovery time for me, while reading our old cards and love letters and diaries. All these items were exchange during our college years, and some years after graduation.
Our "good old tweetums days".
I must admit reading these things brought tears, and the feeling of falling in love again.
I realized that doing this is like a good theraphy. It makes me feel better. And it somewhat renewed my faith in my marriage and my faith to my husband
first, i did some laundry. then, i cleaned our two rooms.
while cleaning the last room, i stumbled upon my old love letter box. i opened it to see if all my letters are still neatly piled inside the box. just recently, i learned that my letter girl has been doing some digging with my things. its ok though, she is a very curious and adventurous girl
It was a rediscovery time for me, while reading our old cards and love letters and diaries. All these items were exchange during our college years, and some years after graduation.
Our "good old tweetums days".
I must admit reading these things brought tears, and the feeling of falling in love again.
I realized that doing this is like a good theraphy. It makes me feel better. And it somewhat renewed my faith in my marriage and my faith to my husband
frutas or balut?
Tonight the weather was hot and humid. After dinner, Bien invited me to buy a balut(duck egg). So we went outside to go to where the balut vendor is. We did not invited the children because they were busy playing computer games.
Before we came to the balut vendor, we came across a fruit shake stand at the car wash station.
And now Bien is asking me if I want a balut or a fruit shake. I would love to have both, but our money can only accommodate one item. I choose the fruit shake, it's healthier, though. We bought an avocado shake, they make a tasty shake.
After we paid for our shake, we went back home. Not exactly inside the house, But we stayed a little bit longer just outside our gate. Bien got a bench, and we sat on it. There we spend maybe almost thirty minutes, while finishing the shake.
We talk about lots of things like our plans, the kids, ourselves.
It was a nice time spend together.
It was a great bonding time.
Concert?
Bien and Angel did a lot of singing last night.
It was a revelation for our kids.
They have the talent for singing, just like Bien.
It was a revelation for our kids.
They have the talent for singing, just like Bien.
 |
| bien and angel concert aug 26, 2008 |
Saranggola
Bien is showing the kids how to fly a kite.
Looks like Angel is more interested in stepping at the Makahiya grass.
Hey Dad, where's the kite?
bisikleta
Gian is learning how to ride a bike. He is really putting extra effort on this. Don't worry kuya a few more tries and you are ready to race.
Congratulation!!!
Angel is also learning how to ride a bike.
sa moa
A stroll at the SM Mall of Asia
Gian and Angel is getting upclose with some Chinese exhibits.
At the bridge. . . . then keep on walking and walking and walking. . .
Taking a break after some long walks. Pagod na kami.
Gian and Angel is getting upclose with some Chinese exhibits.
At the bridge. . . . then keep on walking and walking and walking. . .
Taking a break after some long walks. Pagod na kami.
At the grocery store. . . . .
I was at the counter paying . . . . .
. . . . and look at what my kid's been doing while waiting for me.
WHACKY. . . . KULETZ
. . . . and look at what my kid's been doing while waiting for me.
WHACKY. . . . KULETZ
halo-halo
We are now enjoy a treat of halo-halo after the saranggola and the bisikleta.
A reward for each of them.
And a reward for the two of us.
The Chemistry of Kissing
When a kiss is great, it can be electrifying for both parties. When it is bad … well, let's just say there isn't a lot of hope for a second date. Here are some tips to keep in mind the next time you're getting ready to pucker up.
By Amy Spencer
You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss… hang on a minute. No it isn't! Because when it comes to dating, a kiss can change everything. Sometimes it's spine-tinglingly magical and sends shivers from your neck to your toes. And sometimes, well, it feels more like licking a wet fish. While the chemistry you feel on your night out says a lot about how the kiss might go, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of butterflies, chills, fireworks, and other memory-making moments. Try these lip-smacking tips to make this the first of many kisses to come.
Read when the moment is rightEver found yourself bumbling and mumbling at the end of a date, wondering if your attempt at a good night smack will be the kiss of death? You're not alone. "This is, without a doubt, one of the most common questions people ask me," says Sheila Lee, creator of advice site Kissingbooth.com. So how do you tell if someone would welcome a smooch from you? According to Lee, look for these signs: Is your date making tons of eye contact with you, or standing closer than a friend or business colleague would? If so, says Lee, this person probably wants you to go for it. If you really can't read your date, make yourself available for your date to make the move. Lee's suggestions: Stand close to your date, and let your arm rub against his or hers. Face your date with your arms open, not crossed, to show you're open to a kiss. Tell your date you had a good time, and ask your date how he or she felt. And most important? "Smile. A lot of people are turned on by a smile, which shows you're comfortable with the person you're with and happy. If your date thinks he or she is making you happy," points out Lee, "then he or she is likely to think a kiss can make you even happier." Lock lips in a place where you don't have to hold backYes, it's romantic to kiss, say, out on a street corner, but if you're not the PDA type, you might end up holding back during your kiss. And those unsure feelings could hold back a fireworks-worthy performance. The fact is, kissing signals our brains to produce oxytocin, a hormone that gives us that wonderful, weak-kneed feeling. And the chemicals that produced that feeling prompt you to want to kiss more and create more, like a love drug. To make sure nothing stops that chemistry-building chemical process, make sure you're in a spot where you feel comfortable and safe, and you're not worried about what you're doing or who's watching: Move inside a doorway, behind a column, into a quiet room, or in the front seat of a dark car. That way, your and your date's bodies will be free to do what they're — ahhhhh, sigh, melt — supposed to. Make eye contact before, during, and after your kissEye contact immediately ups the intimacy level of any sexual act, say experts—so if you're smooching with your peepers shut tight, you could be missing out! Even singer Jessica Simpson is a fan of opening her eyes during a smooch. "I love to kiss with my eyes open," she's said. "It's kind of weird because you might only see one eyeball, but it's amazing what you can see through someone's eyes. It sounds clichéd, but the eyes really are the window to the soul." So, before you go for gold, take a few seconds — one Mississippi, two Mississippi — to look at your partner eye-to-eye and establish this is a special moment between the two of you. After you first kiss, pull back, open your eyes, really look at your date, then kiss again. Then, open your eyes once during the kiss to bring the personal touch home.
Feel free to talk a littleKissing is such a strong language, it's easy to wonder: Does yapping in between smooches ruin the moment? Not always. In fact, says Michael Christian, author of The Art of Kissing, sometimes words can help ratchet up the chemistry. According to his research, the absolute number one sentence that kissers most like to hear: "You're such a good kisser." Following that, he suggests you also say either, "You're so beautiful," "You're so hot," or "I never want to stop kissing you." These kinds of words do two things. "One, they show that you're serious about the particular person you're kissing, and that it's truly personal," says Christian. "Two, it communicates that you're in the first stage of what your body wishes was a bigger, closer connection. Your feelings are so huge, you're having to hold back. This says it's not just a kiss, it's the start of something incredible." Let's be honest, who doesn't want to know they're causing that? Keep your hands to yourselfSometimes we get so caught up in the human contact of a kiss, we grip our partner's neck, reach around his or her back, run a hand along a thigh, and do all sorts of a grabby things over and, ahem, under clothing. The only problem? Sometimes all that touching is actually detracting from the kiss, say experts. A kiss, on its own, can sometimes be powerful enough. So, try keeping your hands to yourself for a few minutes, kiss and only kiss, and see how the chemistry takes over. Don't forget to use your noseSome anthropologists believe that kissing evolved from sniffing, as some indigenous cultures rub noses rather than kissing, points out Vaughn Bryant, Jr., professor of anthropology at Texas A&M University. "Turns out that we have very powerful musk glands right underneath our eyes, and each person has a distinct smell," explains Vaughn. "Kissing got started by people smelling each other and they would rub across the nose. Touching the lips was a natural outgrowth." Sampling another person's scent is a primal urge we share with other animals (including moles, dolphins, turtles and dogs), so take a moment to breathe in your date to kick the connection up a notch. Convince your date to try it your wayYou loved the dinner, you laughed the whole way home, and you were living for the good night kiss... until you got it. Turns out your date doesn't kiss the way you do. Has your chemistry fizzled for good? No way! So what's the best way to get your styles more in synch? "Don't ever say, 'I don't like the way you kiss,'" says kissing advice expert Lee. "That will be a big blow to the ego, and will make them self-conscious the next time you kiss." One option, says Lee, is to make the issue about you, by saying something like, "I like to kiss a little different than most people," which will make them feel at ease (kind of like the old-fashioned "It's not you, it's me" line). Or, suggest you both branch out and experiment, says Lee, "so that they won't take the change in kissing personally. Say, 'I want to try something,' and then initiate a kiss the way you want it." Amy Spencer has written for Cosmopolitan, Maxim, Real Simple, and other publications.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, http://msn.match.com/magazine/index.aspx.
By Amy Spencer
You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss… hang on a minute. No it isn't! Because when it comes to dating, a kiss can change everything. Sometimes it's spine-tinglingly magical and sends shivers from your neck to your toes. And sometimes, well, it feels more like licking a wet fish. While the chemistry you feel on your night out says a lot about how the kiss might go, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of butterflies, chills, fireworks, and other memory-making moments. Try these lip-smacking tips to make this the first of many kisses to come.
Read when the moment is rightEver found yourself bumbling and mumbling at the end of a date, wondering if your attempt at a good night smack will be the kiss of death? You're not alone. "This is, without a doubt, one of the most common questions people ask me," says Sheila Lee, creator of advice site Kissingbooth.com. So how do you tell if someone would welcome a smooch from you? According to Lee, look for these signs: Is your date making tons of eye contact with you, or standing closer than a friend or business colleague would? If so, says Lee, this person probably wants you to go for it. If you really can't read your date, make yourself available for your date to make the move. Lee's suggestions: Stand close to your date, and let your arm rub against his or hers. Face your date with your arms open, not crossed, to show you're open to a kiss. Tell your date you had a good time, and ask your date how he or she felt. And most important? "Smile. A lot of people are turned on by a smile, which shows you're comfortable with the person you're with and happy. If your date thinks he or she is making you happy," points out Lee, "then he or she is likely to think a kiss can make you even happier." Lock lips in a place where you don't have to hold backYes, it's romantic to kiss, say, out on a street corner, but if you're not the PDA type, you might end up holding back during your kiss. And those unsure feelings could hold back a fireworks-worthy performance. The fact is, kissing signals our brains to produce oxytocin, a hormone that gives us that wonderful, weak-kneed feeling. And the chemicals that produced that feeling prompt you to want to kiss more and create more, like a love drug. To make sure nothing stops that chemistry-building chemical process, make sure you're in a spot where you feel comfortable and safe, and you're not worried about what you're doing or who's watching: Move inside a doorway, behind a column, into a quiet room, or in the front seat of a dark car. That way, your and your date's bodies will be free to do what they're — ahhhhh, sigh, melt — supposed to. Make eye contact before, during, and after your kissEye contact immediately ups the intimacy level of any sexual act, say experts—so if you're smooching with your peepers shut tight, you could be missing out! Even singer Jessica Simpson is a fan of opening her eyes during a smooch. "I love to kiss with my eyes open," she's said. "It's kind of weird because you might only see one eyeball, but it's amazing what you can see through someone's eyes. It sounds clichéd, but the eyes really are the window to the soul." So, before you go for gold, take a few seconds — one Mississippi, two Mississippi — to look at your partner eye-to-eye and establish this is a special moment between the two of you. After you first kiss, pull back, open your eyes, really look at your date, then kiss again. Then, open your eyes once during the kiss to bring the personal touch home.
Feel free to talk a littleKissing is such a strong language, it's easy to wonder: Does yapping in between smooches ruin the moment? Not always. In fact, says Michael Christian, author of The Art of Kissing, sometimes words can help ratchet up the chemistry. According to his research, the absolute number one sentence that kissers most like to hear: "You're such a good kisser." Following that, he suggests you also say either, "You're so beautiful," "You're so hot," or "I never want to stop kissing you." These kinds of words do two things. "One, they show that you're serious about the particular person you're kissing, and that it's truly personal," says Christian. "Two, it communicates that you're in the first stage of what your body wishes was a bigger, closer connection. Your feelings are so huge, you're having to hold back. This says it's not just a kiss, it's the start of something incredible." Let's be honest, who doesn't want to know they're causing that? Keep your hands to yourselfSometimes we get so caught up in the human contact of a kiss, we grip our partner's neck, reach around his or her back, run a hand along a thigh, and do all sorts of a grabby things over and, ahem, under clothing. The only problem? Sometimes all that touching is actually detracting from the kiss, say experts. A kiss, on its own, can sometimes be powerful enough. So, try keeping your hands to yourself for a few minutes, kiss and only kiss, and see how the chemistry takes over. Don't forget to use your noseSome anthropologists believe that kissing evolved from sniffing, as some indigenous cultures rub noses rather than kissing, points out Vaughn Bryant, Jr., professor of anthropology at Texas A&M University. "Turns out that we have very powerful musk glands right underneath our eyes, and each person has a distinct smell," explains Vaughn. "Kissing got started by people smelling each other and they would rub across the nose. Touching the lips was a natural outgrowth." Sampling another person's scent is a primal urge we share with other animals (including moles, dolphins, turtles and dogs), so take a moment to breathe in your date to kick the connection up a notch. Convince your date to try it your wayYou loved the dinner, you laughed the whole way home, and you were living for the good night kiss... until you got it. Turns out your date doesn't kiss the way you do. Has your chemistry fizzled for good? No way! So what's the best way to get your styles more in synch? "Don't ever say, 'I don't like the way you kiss,'" says kissing advice expert Lee. "That will be a big blow to the ego, and will make them self-conscious the next time you kiss." One option, says Lee, is to make the issue about you, by saying something like, "I like to kiss a little different than most people," which will make them feel at ease (kind of like the old-fashioned "It's not you, it's me" line). Or, suggest you both branch out and experiment, says Lee, "so that they won't take the change in kissing personally. Say, 'I want to try something,' and then initiate a kiss the way you want it." Amy Spencer has written for Cosmopolitan, Maxim, Real Simple, and other publications.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, http://msn.match.com/magazine/index.aspx.
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