Why love goes wrong
By Grace Shangkuan Koo
Inquirer
I took post-doctorate studies at Harvard a few years ago and, as part of the course work in Adult Development, my classmates and I shared our life stories. All five of us had experienced marriage. But one had divorced after 12 years of marriage and another, after 22 years; one was childless, the other a single mother. A third had just reconciled with her spouse after a long separation; she was childless but had adopted two “difficult boys.” The fourth one was married but childless for 22 years. I remained the only one married with kids.
The last to speak, I was hesitant, wondering if my story would sound so different and be interpreted as boastful. I said rather quickly and softly that I counted myself of “good fortune” to have had a most supportive husband and two lovely, well-behaved teenage children (then aged 18 and 15). I recounted episodes of our life and my group mates sighed with envy, at the same time asking me to share more.
Since then I have had many more of the same experience listening to middle-age women in seminars and even in church groups. I have heard stories of divorce, separation, annulment, singlehood, single parenting, fighting over custody of the children, seeking revenge for spouse’s infidelity, etc.And I wonder: Why should my story be counted among the exception?
Loving the wrong person
I believe the problem of most failed marriages is caused by not giving sufficient thought to the trustworthiness of the other person, and also of oneself.
Trustworthiness should be the No. 1 consideration in deciding marriage—not looks, money, power, family, etc.
I am often amazed at how an otherwise intelligent, accomplished person can be so foolish in love, falling for obviously untrustworthy persons who are glib and glamorous but decidedly dishonest!
To commit one’s life and future to someone one cannot trust in the first place is marital suicide. One has also to consider if one’s self is trustworthy enough for a lasting commitment.
Love in the wrong place
It pains me to see on TV girls suffering from anorexia, women living for their 39th plastic surgery, liposuction portrayed as a standard procedure, botox injection seen as lunch break. To think that a makeover could get the best suitor or win back a philandering husband is self-destruction.
If an inflated bust or a deflated tummy makes one’s spouse change his mind so quickly about commitment and magically increase “his ability to love” another more and longer, one can be sure his love is not worthy.
And have we not noticed that even beauty queens and actresses, who possess more than their fair share of beauty, have also been betrayed and abandoned?Love is not about a higher nose, deeper eyelids, smaller hips or shinier hair.
Love for the wrong purpose
“Why do people get married?” I asked my graduate students in Adult Learning class.
The discussion was noisier than normal as everyone had an opinion: Social expectation? Build a family? Sex? Career move? Money? Convenience? Migration? Love?
The young talk of romantic love as if they know it best! The old talk of pragmatic goal much like they have lost faith in love.
Women dream of a family in picture-perfect sense. Men look for sex in progressive perfect tense!
Is there a purpose in marriage? Should there be one? Is unplanned marriage more romantic than planned? How much thinking should be involved in decision?The bottom line for me is: If one does not have the ability to love someone unselfishly enough to protect and cherish her/him, to look after her/his best interest—sometimes above his/her own—and to do so for a lifetime, I don’t think the relationship will last.
Love at the wrong price
When I hear people sharing tearfully about the hardships and pain that come with marriage, I wonder if marriage is actually a blessing for them.
Why the suffering and misery? Are we to be masochistic in love? Isn’t love supposed to be something wonderful and fun, and marriage and family a joy?
I suspect there are too many martyrs of their own making. I meet people whose self-esteem and confidence are so low, expectations so nonexistent that they are willing to put up with anything!
Not having experienced true love from their family, many are willing to throw away the most basic caution to the wind and have their last ounce of dignity trampled—for the cheap thrill of “love.”
Marriage is a partnership of two equals and the price that they give should not be unreasonably skewed to one side.
Love does not have to be blind. Blaise Pascal says, “Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too.”
Inquirer
I took post-doctorate studies at Harvard a few years ago and, as part of the course work in Adult Development, my classmates and I shared our life stories. All five of us had experienced marriage. But one had divorced after 12 years of marriage and another, after 22 years; one was childless, the other a single mother. A third had just reconciled with her spouse after a long separation; she was childless but had adopted two “difficult boys.” The fourth one was married but childless for 22 years. I remained the only one married with kids.
The last to speak, I was hesitant, wondering if my story would sound so different and be interpreted as boastful. I said rather quickly and softly that I counted myself of “good fortune” to have had a most supportive husband and two lovely, well-behaved teenage children (then aged 18 and 15). I recounted episodes of our life and my group mates sighed with envy, at the same time asking me to share more.
Since then I have had many more of the same experience listening to middle-age women in seminars and even in church groups. I have heard stories of divorce, separation, annulment, singlehood, single parenting, fighting over custody of the children, seeking revenge for spouse’s infidelity, etc.And I wonder: Why should my story be counted among the exception?
Loving the wrong person
I believe the problem of most failed marriages is caused by not giving sufficient thought to the trustworthiness of the other person, and also of oneself.
Trustworthiness should be the No. 1 consideration in deciding marriage—not looks, money, power, family, etc.
I am often amazed at how an otherwise intelligent, accomplished person can be so foolish in love, falling for obviously untrustworthy persons who are glib and glamorous but decidedly dishonest!
To commit one’s life and future to someone one cannot trust in the first place is marital suicide. One has also to consider if one’s self is trustworthy enough for a lasting commitment.
Love in the wrong place
It pains me to see on TV girls suffering from anorexia, women living for their 39th plastic surgery, liposuction portrayed as a standard procedure, botox injection seen as lunch break. To think that a makeover could get the best suitor or win back a philandering husband is self-destruction.
If an inflated bust or a deflated tummy makes one’s spouse change his mind so quickly about commitment and magically increase “his ability to love” another more and longer, one can be sure his love is not worthy.
And have we not noticed that even beauty queens and actresses, who possess more than their fair share of beauty, have also been betrayed and abandoned?Love is not about a higher nose, deeper eyelids, smaller hips or shinier hair.
Love for the wrong purpose
“Why do people get married?” I asked my graduate students in Adult Learning class.
The discussion was noisier than normal as everyone had an opinion: Social expectation? Build a family? Sex? Career move? Money? Convenience? Migration? Love?
The young talk of romantic love as if they know it best! The old talk of pragmatic goal much like they have lost faith in love.
Women dream of a family in picture-perfect sense. Men look for sex in progressive perfect tense!
Is there a purpose in marriage? Should there be one? Is unplanned marriage more romantic than planned? How much thinking should be involved in decision?The bottom line for me is: If one does not have the ability to love someone unselfishly enough to protect and cherish her/him, to look after her/his best interest—sometimes above his/her own—and to do so for a lifetime, I don’t think the relationship will last.
Love at the wrong price
When I hear people sharing tearfully about the hardships and pain that come with marriage, I wonder if marriage is actually a blessing for them.
Why the suffering and misery? Are we to be masochistic in love? Isn’t love supposed to be something wonderful and fun, and marriage and family a joy?
I suspect there are too many martyrs of their own making. I meet people whose self-esteem and confidence are so low, expectations so nonexistent that they are willing to put up with anything!
Not having experienced true love from their family, many are willing to throw away the most basic caution to the wind and have their last ounce of dignity trampled—for the cheap thrill of “love.”
Marriage is a partnership of two equals and the price that they give should not be unreasonably skewed to one side.
Love does not have to be blind. Blaise Pascal says, “Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too.”
The Numerology of Names
By: Amanda Coggin
There is a reason why you have your name and it’s not because it sounded classy in the gossip pages of the New York Post (which is where my mom found my name). Your birth name paired with numerology can enlighten you on what motivates you in life, what warrants your true expression, and the lasting impression you leave on others when you exit a room.
It started with Pythagoras, the Greek mathematician who invented the a2 + b2 = c2 Pythagorean Theorem, the only equation I remember from eleventh grade geometry. In 6th century BCE, Pythagoras combined mysticism with mathematics to construct a quotient about the future of one’s life. He coined it Pythagorean numerology and used numbers assigned to the letters in one’s full name (as well as using the numbers in one’s date of birth). The numerology determined what innate abilities one was given at birth to determine what might happen late in life, and it has become the source for modern numerology today.
How Numerology WorksWhen working with a name, numbers have corresponding letters. The numbers are added up and broken down into single digits in order to give you your final Destiny Number.
The Number Assignments
1= A, J, S
2= B, K, T
3= C, L, U
4= D, M, V
5= E, N, W
6= F, O, X
7= G, P, Y
8= H, Q, Z
9= I, R
How to Find Your Destiny Number
Write down your full name (first, middle, and last). This is the name you were given at birth—not your married name, etc.
Using the table above, write down the number matched to each letter in each name (i.e. AMANDA = 1, 4, 1, 5, 4, 1).
Add the numbers together for each name (i.e. 1+4+1+5+4+1= 16).
You will most likely get a double digit for each name; break down each double digit number you get by adding the first and second digit to get one number (i.e. from the 16 above, add together 1+6 to get 7, which is the number for my first name).
Add up the final numbers you get from each name (i.e. my middle name number is 8 and my last name number is 10, so 7+8+10 = 25).
Once again, break down any double-digit numbers into one digit to get your final Destiny Number (i.e. from the 25 above, add together 2+5 to get 7, which is my final Destiny Number).
In numerology, the basic vibrations are numbers 1 through 9, but the numbers 11 and 22 are master numbers and should not be reduced to a single digit since these are master vibrations.
There are plenty of books and Web sites that will give you a thorough analysis of your Destiny Number, but here’s a basic rundown on what your Destiny Number means for you:
1 is determined, autonomous, and self-reliant
2 is loyal, tactful, and analytical
3 is passionate, positive, and fun-loving
4 is sensible, traditional, and serious
5 is bold, temperamental, and sensual
6 is responsible, cautious, and domestic
7 is spiritual, unconventional, and somewhat reclusive
8 is money-oriented, assured, and authoritative
9 is versatile, compassionate, and worldly
11 is enlightened, deep, and high-strung
22 is ambitious, a global planner, and motivated
I looked further into my 7, and found this interpretation through About Numerology.
“A Destiny number of 7 means you will find fulfillment through teaching others. By pursuing an ongoing quest for knowledge and then sharing your findings with your fellow man ... be it through teaching, writing or some other means ... you will bring joy into your own life. By following your destiny, your life should be an interesting life, one full of the exploration of science, mysteries, the occult, or other fascinating fields.”
When I think about the Amanda in me that I know, the explanation above sums me right up. Perhaps there’s more to numbers than I originally thought.
Related story: What’s In a Name?
First published April 2008
Find this article at:
http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/32649/47178-numerology-names
There is a reason why you have your name and it’s not because it sounded classy in the gossip pages of the New York Post (which is where my mom found my name). Your birth name paired with numerology can enlighten you on what motivates you in life, what warrants your true expression, and the lasting impression you leave on others when you exit a room.
It started with Pythagoras, the Greek mathematician who invented the a2 + b2 = c2 Pythagorean Theorem, the only equation I remember from eleventh grade geometry. In 6th century BCE, Pythagoras combined mysticism with mathematics to construct a quotient about the future of one’s life. He coined it Pythagorean numerology and used numbers assigned to the letters in one’s full name (as well as using the numbers in one’s date of birth). The numerology determined what innate abilities one was given at birth to determine what might happen late in life, and it has become the source for modern numerology today.
How Numerology WorksWhen working with a name, numbers have corresponding letters. The numbers are added up and broken down into single digits in order to give you your final Destiny Number.
The Number Assignments
1= A, J, S
2= B, K, T
3= C, L, U
4= D, M, V
5= E, N, W
6= F, O, X
7= G, P, Y
8= H, Q, Z
9= I, R
How to Find Your Destiny Number
Write down your full name (first, middle, and last). This is the name you were given at birth—not your married name, etc.
Using the table above, write down the number matched to each letter in each name (i.e. AMANDA = 1, 4, 1, 5, 4, 1).
Add the numbers together for each name (i.e. 1+4+1+5+4+1= 16).
You will most likely get a double digit for each name; break down each double digit number you get by adding the first and second digit to get one number (i.e. from the 16 above, add together 1+6 to get 7, which is the number for my first name).
Add up the final numbers you get from each name (i.e. my middle name number is 8 and my last name number is 10, so 7+8+10 = 25).
Once again, break down any double-digit numbers into one digit to get your final Destiny Number (i.e. from the 25 above, add together 2+5 to get 7, which is my final Destiny Number).
In numerology, the basic vibrations are numbers 1 through 9, but the numbers 11 and 22 are master numbers and should not be reduced to a single digit since these are master vibrations.
There are plenty of books and Web sites that will give you a thorough analysis of your Destiny Number, but here’s a basic rundown on what your Destiny Number means for you:
1 is determined, autonomous, and self-reliant
2 is loyal, tactful, and analytical
3 is passionate, positive, and fun-loving
4 is sensible, traditional, and serious
5 is bold, temperamental, and sensual
6 is responsible, cautious, and domestic
7 is spiritual, unconventional, and somewhat reclusive
8 is money-oriented, assured, and authoritative
9 is versatile, compassionate, and worldly
11 is enlightened, deep, and high-strung
22 is ambitious, a global planner, and motivated
I looked further into my 7, and found this interpretation through About Numerology.
“A Destiny number of 7 means you will find fulfillment through teaching others. By pursuing an ongoing quest for knowledge and then sharing your findings with your fellow man ... be it through teaching, writing or some other means ... you will bring joy into your own life. By following your destiny, your life should be an interesting life, one full of the exploration of science, mysteries, the occult, or other fascinating fields.”
When I think about the Amanda in me that I know, the explanation above sums me right up. Perhaps there’s more to numbers than I originally thought.
Related story: What’s In a Name?
First published April 2008
Find this article at:
http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/32649/47178-numerology-names
Give your heart an empathy workout
-- I can't say I always enjoy cardiovascular exercise. I don't think anyone does. Oh, I've seen those infomercials featuring models whose granite abs and manic smiles become even more sharply defined at the very sight of workout equipment. But as we all know, these people are from Neptune.
Being an Earth-human myself, I strongly resist abandoning my customary torpor to participate in perky physical activity of any kind. Nevertheless, I do cardio pretty regularly. I do it because I know my heart was designed to handle such challenges, because once I get started, I feel that it's doing me good, and because if I stop for very long, my health begins to atrophy.
There's another form of cardio that works much the same way, though it affects the emotional heart rather than the one made of auricles and ventricles. This workout consists of deliberately cultivating empathy. To empathize literally means "to suffer with," to share the pain of other beings so entirely that their agony becomes our own. I know this sounds like a terrific hobby for a masochistic moron, but hear me out.
The reason to develop a capacity for empathy, and then exercise it regularly, is that only a heart strengthened by this kind of understanding can effectively deliver the oxygen of the spirit: love.
Exercise One: Learning to listen
I know one wise old man who has been working at empathy every day since becoming a meditation master early in his life. He matter-of-factly describes a state of complete empathic fitness as a "continuous emotional orgasm." Who's with me now? Let's talk about your exciting new cardio workout!
If you want to feel that you belong in the world, a family or any relationship, you must tell your story. But if you want to see into the hearts of other beings, your first task is to hear their stories. Many people are gifted storytellers. Only the empathic are true story-hearers. To become one of these people, start with conversation. Once a day, ask a friend, "How are you?" in a way that says you mean it. If they give you a stock answer ("Fine"), repeat the question: "No, really. How are you?"
You'll soon realize that if your purpose is solely to understand, rather than to advise or protect, you can work a kind of magic: In the warmth of genuine caring, people open up like flowers. You'll be amazed by the stories you'll hear when you use this simple strategy with your children, your next-door neighbor, your aunt Flossie. You'll learn things you never knew you never knew. Even if you're not in the company of people, you can work to increase your story-hearing techniques.
Books, movies, songs -- stories told in any artistic medium can give you an empathy workout. To grow stronger, find stories that are unfamiliar. If you read, watch, or hear only things you know well, you're looking for validation, not an expansion of empathy. There's nothing wrong with that, but to achieve high levels of fitness, focus once a week on the story of someone who seems utterly different from you.
Exercise Two: Reverse engineering
Some mechanical engineers spend their time disassembling machines to see how they were originally put together. You can use a similar technique to develop empathy, by working backward from the observable effects of emotion to the emotion itself.
Think of someone you'd like to understand -- your enigmatic boss, your distant mother, the romantic interest who may or may not return your affections. Remember a recent interaction you had with this person -- especially one that left you baffled as to how they were really feeling.
Now imitate, as closely as you can, the physical posture, facial expression, exact words, and vocal inflection they used during that encounter. Notice what emotions arise within you. What you feel will probably be very close to whatever the other person was going through. For example, when I "reverse engineer" the behavior of people I experience as critical or aloof, I usually find myself flooded with feelings of shyness, shame, or fear. It's a lesson that has saved me no end of worry and defensiveness.
I train life coaches to use reverse engineering in real time by subtly matching clients' body language, vocal tone, even breathing rate. It's so effective that clients often think the coach must be psychic -- how else could anyone "get them" so quickly and completely? Elementary, my dear Watson. The body shapes itself in response to emotion, and shaping one's own body to match someone else's is a quick ticket to empathy.
Exercise Three: Shape-shifting
In folklore, shape-shifters are beings with the ability to become anyone or anything. As a child, I was fascinated by this concept and used to pretend that I could instantaneously switch places with other people, animals, even inanimate objects. What if I woke up one morning in the body -- and the life --of my best friend, or a bank robber, or the president? What if, like Kafka's fictional Gregor, I suddenly became a cockroach? (You could find people who think I've actually done this.) My point is, what would it feel like to be them? How would I cope? What would I do next?
I still play this game, especially in public places. I recommend you try it, soon. See that strange man in the orange polyester suit putting 37 packets of sweetener into his extra-grande mochaccino with soy milk? What if -- zap! -- you suddenly switched bodies with him? What would it be like to wear that suit, that face, that physique? What impulse would lead to sugaring a cup of coffee like that, let alone drinking it?
I can feel this shape-shifting developing my empathy. It gives my heart a stretch, makes me entertain unfamiliar thoughts and feelings, leaving me with the sensation that I've completed a stomp session on an emotional StairMaster. And if I want to ramp up my workout, it's just a short hop to some practices that work even better, and have been tested for centuries.
The thing about cardio is that once you get used to it, you can feel it making you stronger, calming you down improving your quality of life. Regular empathy practice keeps you on the edge of your emotional fitness, but the benefits are enormous: an awareness of union that banishes loneliness, a natural ability to connect and relate to others, protection from idiot compassion, a wider, deeper life. As your empathy grows, you'll find that it's infinite and that through it, you transcend your isolation and find yourself at home in the universe. I promise, it'll do your heart good.
By Martha Beck from "O, The Oprah Magazine," March 2006 E-mail to a friend
Subscribe to O, The Oprah Magazine for up to 75% off the newsstand price. That's like getting 18 issues FREE. Subscribe now!
TM & © 2007 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Martha Beck is the author of "Leaving the Saints," 'The Joy Diet," "Finding Your Own North Star" and "Expecting Adam."
Being an Earth-human myself, I strongly resist abandoning my customary torpor to participate in perky physical activity of any kind. Nevertheless, I do cardio pretty regularly. I do it because I know my heart was designed to handle such challenges, because once I get started, I feel that it's doing me good, and because if I stop for very long, my health begins to atrophy.
There's another form of cardio that works much the same way, though it affects the emotional heart rather than the one made of auricles and ventricles. This workout consists of deliberately cultivating empathy. To empathize literally means "to suffer with," to share the pain of other beings so entirely that their agony becomes our own. I know this sounds like a terrific hobby for a masochistic moron, but hear me out.
The reason to develop a capacity for empathy, and then exercise it regularly, is that only a heart strengthened by this kind of understanding can effectively deliver the oxygen of the spirit: love.
Exercise One: Learning to listen
I know one wise old man who has been working at empathy every day since becoming a meditation master early in his life. He matter-of-factly describes a state of complete empathic fitness as a "continuous emotional orgasm." Who's with me now? Let's talk about your exciting new cardio workout!
If you want to feel that you belong in the world, a family or any relationship, you must tell your story. But if you want to see into the hearts of other beings, your first task is to hear their stories. Many people are gifted storytellers. Only the empathic are true story-hearers. To become one of these people, start with conversation. Once a day, ask a friend, "How are you?" in a way that says you mean it. If they give you a stock answer ("Fine"), repeat the question: "No, really. How are you?"
You'll soon realize that if your purpose is solely to understand, rather than to advise or protect, you can work a kind of magic: In the warmth of genuine caring, people open up like flowers. You'll be amazed by the stories you'll hear when you use this simple strategy with your children, your next-door neighbor, your aunt Flossie. You'll learn things you never knew you never knew. Even if you're not in the company of people, you can work to increase your story-hearing techniques.
Books, movies, songs -- stories told in any artistic medium can give you an empathy workout. To grow stronger, find stories that are unfamiliar. If you read, watch, or hear only things you know well, you're looking for validation, not an expansion of empathy. There's nothing wrong with that, but to achieve high levels of fitness, focus once a week on the story of someone who seems utterly different from you.
Exercise Two: Reverse engineering
Some mechanical engineers spend their time disassembling machines to see how they were originally put together. You can use a similar technique to develop empathy, by working backward from the observable effects of emotion to the emotion itself.
Think of someone you'd like to understand -- your enigmatic boss, your distant mother, the romantic interest who may or may not return your affections. Remember a recent interaction you had with this person -- especially one that left you baffled as to how they were really feeling.
Now imitate, as closely as you can, the physical posture, facial expression, exact words, and vocal inflection they used during that encounter. Notice what emotions arise within you. What you feel will probably be very close to whatever the other person was going through. For example, when I "reverse engineer" the behavior of people I experience as critical or aloof, I usually find myself flooded with feelings of shyness, shame, or fear. It's a lesson that has saved me no end of worry and defensiveness.
I train life coaches to use reverse engineering in real time by subtly matching clients' body language, vocal tone, even breathing rate. It's so effective that clients often think the coach must be psychic -- how else could anyone "get them" so quickly and completely? Elementary, my dear Watson. The body shapes itself in response to emotion, and shaping one's own body to match someone else's is a quick ticket to empathy.
Exercise Three: Shape-shifting
In folklore, shape-shifters are beings with the ability to become anyone or anything. As a child, I was fascinated by this concept and used to pretend that I could instantaneously switch places with other people, animals, even inanimate objects. What if I woke up one morning in the body -- and the life --of my best friend, or a bank robber, or the president? What if, like Kafka's fictional Gregor, I suddenly became a cockroach? (You could find people who think I've actually done this.) My point is, what would it feel like to be them? How would I cope? What would I do next?
I still play this game, especially in public places. I recommend you try it, soon. See that strange man in the orange polyester suit putting 37 packets of sweetener into his extra-grande mochaccino with soy milk? What if -- zap! -- you suddenly switched bodies with him? What would it be like to wear that suit, that face, that physique? What impulse would lead to sugaring a cup of coffee like that, let alone drinking it?
I can feel this shape-shifting developing my empathy. It gives my heart a stretch, makes me entertain unfamiliar thoughts and feelings, leaving me with the sensation that I've completed a stomp session on an emotional StairMaster. And if I want to ramp up my workout, it's just a short hop to some practices that work even better, and have been tested for centuries.
The thing about cardio is that once you get used to it, you can feel it making you stronger, calming you down improving your quality of life. Regular empathy practice keeps you on the edge of your emotional fitness, but the benefits are enormous: an awareness of union that banishes loneliness, a natural ability to connect and relate to others, protection from idiot compassion, a wider, deeper life. As your empathy grows, you'll find that it's infinite and that through it, you transcend your isolation and find yourself at home in the universe. I promise, it'll do your heart good.
By Martha Beck from "O, The Oprah Magazine," March 2006 E-mail to a friend
Subscribe to O, The Oprah Magazine for up to 75% off the newsstand price. That's like getting 18 issues FREE. Subscribe now!
TM & © 2007 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Martha Beck is the author of "Leaving the Saints," 'The Joy Diet," "Finding Your Own North Star" and "Expecting Adam."
WARNING TO ALL FEMALES - WIVES, DAUGHTERS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.
Bottled water in your car can be very dangerous . This was how Sheryl Crow got breast cancer. She was on the Ellen show and said this same exact thing. This has been identified as the most common cause of the high levels in breast cancer, especially in Australia .. A friend whose mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. The Doctor told her: women should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car. The doctor said that the heat and the plastic of the bottle have certain chemicals that can lead to breast cancer. So please be careful and do not drink bottled water that has been left in a car, and, pass this on to all the women in your life. This information is the kind we need to know and be aware and just might save us!!!! The heat causes toxins from the plastic to leak into the water and they have found these toxins in breast tissue. Use a stainless steel Canteen or a glass bottle when you can !!! LET EVERYONE WHO HAS A WIFE / GIRLFRIEND / DAUGHTER KNOW THIS, PLEASE
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
Dining Out
For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand
the need for the service to be faster, this short
story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make
a difference to an organization.
Last week, we took some friends out to a new
restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our
order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When another waiter
brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had
a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and
saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked,
"Why the spoon?"
Well, he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired
Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After
several months of analysis, they concluded that the
spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.
It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3
spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better
prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to
the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was
able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another
spoon next time I go to the kitchen, instead of making
an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a
string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking
around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same
string hanging from their flies. So before he walked
off, I asked the waiter "Excuse me, but can you tell
me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not
everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I
mentioned also found out that we can save time in the
restroom. by tying this string to the tip of you know
what, we can pull it out without touching it and
eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the
time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.
I asked, "After you get it out, how do you put it
back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others,
but I use the spoon."
________________________________________________________________
the need for the service to be faster, this short
story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make
a difference to an organization.
Last week, we took some friends out to a new
restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our
order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When another waiter
brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had
a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and
saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked,
"Why the spoon?"
Well, he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired
Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After
several months of analysis, they concluded that the
spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.
It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3
spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better
prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to
the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was
able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another
spoon next time I go to the kitchen, instead of making
an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a
string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking
around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same
string hanging from their flies. So before he walked
off, I asked the waiter "Excuse me, but can you tell
me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not
everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I
mentioned also found out that we can save time in the
restroom. by tying this string to the tip of you know
what, we can pull it out without touching it and
eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the
time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.
I asked, "After you get it out, how do you put it
back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others,
but I use the spoon."
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