Avoid Diet Roadblocks

10 surprising reasons why you aren't losing when you should be—and what you can do about it
Nancy Gottesman

If losing weight were simple, Spanx would be just a screen name in an S&M chat room. But dieting is complicated: There are even ways to screw up without realizing it. For instance, who would ever think that working out in the a.m. or cranking the AC might be the reason you're not slimming down? Luckily, once you've I.D.'d these flubs, fixing them is nowhere near as hard as pulling on a pair of control-top hose.

Roadblock #1 Always a go-getter, you work out at 6 a.m.
What's wrong with that? Morning workouts are great—if you go to bed at 10 p.m. In a recent study in the American Journal of Epidemiology, women who slept 7 or more hours a night were less likely to put on weight than women who didn't. Those who slept only 6 hours a night were 12 percent more likely to gain substantial weight—33 pounds on average over the course of 16 years! (Women who slept a measly 5 hours had a 32 percent chance of gaining 30 or more pounds.) Other studies have linked lack of sleep to a higher BMI and have found that it negatively affects levels of the appetite-regulating hormones ghrelin and leptin.

Detour Don't sacrifice your snooze time—not even for an extra-long run. And quality matters more than quantity, so taking a siesta later won't help. "In a 20-minute power nap you don't get into the deep-sleep stage," says Donna Taliaferro, Ph.D., associate professor of nursing at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who conducts research on sleep and circadian rhythms. "You need to go through the cycles of sleep over a few hours to get the restorative rest that allows your body to work properly." Bottom line: You're better off sleeping through your workout every other day than stumbling to a sunrise Pilates class on too few z's.

Roadblock #2 You're a teetotaler (or a sot!)
What's wrong with that? Alcohol may not be the diet kryptonite you thought it was. Recent research showed that those who have a single drink a couple times a week have a lower risk of becoming obese than either teetotalers or heavy drinkers. Those who consume more than four drinks daily, on the other hand, boost their odds of obesity by 46 percent.

Detour Go ahead and have a drink; just avoid belly-busters like a 245-calorie pina colada. Instead, raise a glass of heart-smart merlot (123 calories per 5 ounces), Bud Light (110 calories per 12 ounces), champagne (88 calories per 4 ounces), or sake (39 calories per ounce). Or mix a 100-calorie cocktail, like vodka and diet tonic or tequila and club soda. "Just make sure you drink it with some healthy food, such as raw veggies with low-fat dip or whole-wheat pita and hummus," advises Dawn Jackson Blatner, R.D., a spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association. Eating slows the rise of alcohol in your blood -- and cuts the odds you'll drunk-order the deep-fried mozzarella sticks.

Roadblock #3 You crank the AC
What's wrong with that? Al Gore wants you to lay off the thermostat to save the planet. Here's how it can save (the shape of) your own ass, too: In a study published in Physiology & Behavior, researchers found that exposure to temperatures above the "thermoneutral zone"—the artificial climate we create with clothes, heating, or air conditioning—decreases our appetite and food intake. "At a slightly uncomfortable 81 degrees, the women in the study experienced a 20 percent decrease in appetite and ate 10 percent less than at 72 degrees," says lead author Margriet S. Westerterp-Plantenga, Ph.D., a professor of food-intake regulation in the department of human biology at Maastricht University in the Netherlands.

Detour Instead of cranking the air conditioner every time you feel a little warm, learn to endure slightly steamier conditions. Hitting the "off" button is well worth a little discomfort if it helps you lose the saddlebags.

Roadblock #4 You log extra miles on the treadmill to make up for giant meals
What's wrong with that? When it comes to dieting, success isn't 90 percent perspiration. You can't achieve lasting weight loss via exercise alone. But a new study in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism found that dieting can shrink your fat zones just as effectively as dieting plus exercise.

Detour If you try the diet-only approach, you need a clear idea of how much you should be eating. Multiply your weight by 10, then add your weight again to that sum: That gives you the number of calories you need to maintain your current weight without activity. For example, 135 pounds x 10 = 1,350 + 135 = 1,485 calories. Eat more than that regularly, and your "loose-fit" pants won't anymore; eat less, and your muffin top will start melting away. But not so fast—before you burn your gym membership, read on about sarcopenia.

Roadblock #5 You ignore sarcopenia
What's wrong with that? Sarcopenia, in case you weren't paying attention to your medical TV dramas, is age-related muscle loss—and it can start in your 30s. If you don't take action now, you could begin to lose as much as 1 to 2 percent of your muscle mass by the time you hit 50. Less muscle means you burn fewer calories and store more of them as fat.

Detour The key to stopping muscle meltdown is to strengthen your back, shoulders, arms, and thighs. "When you increase lean muscle mass, you burn more calories, even when you're sitting down doing nothing," says Amy Campbell, M.S., R.D., education program manager for health care services at the Joslin Diabetes Center of the Harvard Medical School. Find a strength workout in "Secrets of the Nation's Top Trainers" (page 128) and start sculpting at least twice a week. And keep it up after you reach your goal weight: Studies show that if you don't exercise regularly (60 minutes of moderate physical activity a day), the pounds can creep back on.

Roadblock #6 You're shooting for a realistic size 6 instead of a near-impossible 2
What's wrong with that? We know size 2 jeans look like they were made for a 10-year-old, but, according to a study of 1,801 people published in the International Journal of Obesity, women who set unrealistically high weight-loss goals dropped more weight in 24 months than those who kept their expectations low.

Detour The study authors concluded that having an optimistic goal motivated women to lose more weight. And the participants who failed to reach their magic number did not quit trying to drop the weight. Could aiming for Sienna Miller's figure really help you reach your goal weight healthfully? "If you're a driven person and a lofty goal motivates you," says Blatner, "it can work."

Roadblock #7 Ever since the recent headlines, you've been popping M&Ms like they're AdvilWhat's wrong with that? You've heard the news: Cocoa can lower blood pressure; reduce the risk of heart attack, stroke, diabetes, and dementia; and possibly even prevent cancer. But the research isn't as delicious as it seems. The cocoa-bean products used in the studies are a far cry from the highly processed chocolate candy you find on the shelves of your local store. "Milk chocolate contains about 150 calories and 10 grams of fat per ounce," says Campbell.

Detour The key here is small doses. Dark chocolate, which retains more of the bean during processing, generally has slightly less fat and fewer calories than milk chocolate—plus, it's richer, so less goes a longer way. We like CocoaVia's Crispy Chocolate Bar (90 calories, 5 g fat) or Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Stick (60 calories, 3.5 g fat). If dark doesn't do it for you, opt for low-cal choices such as a half-cup of Breyers French Chocolate Double Churn Fat Free Ice Cream (90 calories, 0 fat).

Roadblock #8 You think "water-rich diet" means more trips to the cooler
What's wrong with that? Water in your glass is good, but water in your food can have serious slimming power. In a new American Journal of Clinical Nutrition study, obese women ages 20 to 60 were told to either reduce their fat intake or increase their intake of water-rich foods, such as fruits and veggies. Although they ate more, women in the water-rich group chose foods that were more filling—yet had fewer calories—so they still lost 33 percent more weight in the first 6 months than the women in the reduced-fat group.

Detour Fill up on food that's high in H2O. Some good choices in addition to fruits and veggies: broth-based, low-sodium soups; oatmeal and other whole grains; and beans. For other filling options, consult The Volumetrics Eating Plan: Techniques and Recipes for Feeling Full on Fewer Calories, by Barbara Rolls, Ph.D. (Harper Paperbacks, 2007).

Roadblock #9 You give up junk food today but put off joining a gym until January
What's wrong with that? Tackling one goal at a time is supposed to help you succeed. But new research published in the Archives of Internal Medicine bucks that conventional wisdom. In a study of more than 200 people who smoked, had high blood pressure, and weren't extremely active, one group was asked to quit the butts, cut back on dietary sodium, and increase physical activity all at once. Another group addressed one bad habit at a time. The group that tackled all their problems simultaneously had the higher success rate after 18 months.

Detour Combining your goals may work for the same reason job negotiations do: When you ask for everything, you're more likely to get something. Put this thinking to the test by creating a healthy eating and exercise plan and throwing all your energy into following both.

Roadblock #10 You never think about potassium
What's wrong with that? A recent Canadian study concluded that getting more potassium might help lower your weight and blood pressure. Levels measured in study participants were proportional to their diet and weight. "That makes sense," says Blatner. "The richest sources of potassium are beans, vegetables, and fruit, so the person with high potassium levels is consuming a lot of these foods, which are low in calories and are the most filling."

Detour You should aim for 4,700 milligrams of potassium each day. Supplements may help you hit that target, but doctors don't recommend them for everyone. Try filling up on white beans (1 cup: 1,000 mg potassium), winter squash (1 cup: 494 mg), spinach (1 cup: 840 mg), baked potato with skin (926 mg), yogurt (1 cup: 600 mg), halibut (4 ounces: 566 mg), and OJ (1 cup: 473 mg).

View Point Inn & Restaurant in Tagaytay

My husband's family went to Tagaytay for a simple get-together last weekend. We stayed at Viewpoint Inn, a few kms from the rotonda and in a quieter part of the city. The place seemed perfect for a relaxing weekend. We booked a big non-airconditioned room (good as aircon with the windows open) which was comfortable enough to fit about 20 of us. Above it was a viewdeck where we ate dinner while enjoying a good view of Lake Taal . After the kwentuhan has died down and the children's energies got all used up, lights went dim and everyone was asleep by 2:00a.m. It was Turo's brother who locked the doors before he went to sleep.

At around 3:00a.m., barely an hour after, Billy, the househelp of Turo's cousin woke Tito Art (of UPLB's Batcave fame) pointing towards the backdoor where he saw a man scurrying out carrying with him several of our bags. The man realized he was seen and left the bags so he could escape. The lights went on and everyone was awake again except for the kids. Three celphones, one bag and Turo's walking shorts with his wallet were found missing. We called the police and also the attention of the Inn 's owner.

The Tagaytay Police arrived shortly. Billy recounted to the police what he saw: that earlier on a man was already observing our room from outside, and later the same person entered the room through an open window and crawled his way into a corner where all the missing items were placed, then snuck out through the back door. Billy positively identified the man as one of the helpers of Viewpoint Inn, whom he was able to have a short conversation with in the early evening The Inn 's owner, on the other hand, took more than an hour to walk from his house which was a few steps away. He was immediately defensive upon learning that one of his helpers was a suspect to the robbery. Of course it was natural for him to protect his "employees" (we later found out that the helpers who worked the night shift weren't exactly employees of the Inn but "tambays" who assisted visitors during their stay and get as their income the tips they receive from the customers), but we also expected him to take accountability for the incident as it happened within the vicinity of Viewpoint Inn, which he did not.

Turo, his dad, sister and brother, who owned the missing items, and Billy, the witness, went to the police station to give a statement while the rest of us waited in the Inn. The Inn 's owner also came along. The police urged the owner to agree to a settlement, which we are open to so as to avoid the hassle of police procedures but the Inn 's owner did not want to. In the end, three counts of robbery were filed against the Inn 's helper who would be detained for 15 days while the police continued the investigation and hearings were scheduled etc.

When they got back, we were all too tired, sleepless and upset about what happened so we packed our things and decided to go home. On our way out, one of the helpers stopped us and asked us to settle our bill (we have only paid 50% downpayment upon check-in). And although we no longer wanted to pay them after our horrible experience at their inn, we were civil enough to pay the remaining half. We don't know if the owners were crazy, insensitive or mukha lang talaga silang pera because they even charged us an additional P200/head because we exceeded the room capacity. We were not informed that the room has a maximum capacity limit, to begin with. In fact, the Inn offered such poor service that aside from the lack of security, their office was already closed after 7 or 8pm. Add to this the management's practice of getting tambays to man the Inn, not paying their services and expecting the customers to give them tips for a living. No wonder their helpers would resort to stealing from the visitors. The management of Viewpoint Inn is obviously accountable for what had happened but they refuse to take responsibility.

Viewpoint Inn & Restaurant in Tagaytay is not accredited by the Department of Tourism. I doubt if they could get one as they obviously don't meet the minimum accreditation standards set by DOT. A sign on their door says they are accredited by the Tagaytay Tourism Council, but, of course, we would be utilizing our contacts to have them de-listed.

Our weekend in Viewpoint Inn Tagaytay was such a dreadful experience that I had to write this down and send to all of you. It was bad enough that some of our stuff were stolen, but the fact that they were stolen with all of us there makes me think that all of our lives were also at risk that certain time, not just our belongings. So if you and your family or your friends are planning a trip to Tagaytay, please stay away from Viewpoint Inn.

I would not want you to end up the same way we did. Kindly tell your friends about this.

Thanks a lot.

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Pancake Mix-expired

THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!!!!!!!


Health warning...

WARNING ABOUT Pancake Mix (and other boxed mixes) Maybe you already know this, I DID NOT !!

Throw away ALL OUTDATED pancake mix you have in your home, PLEASE! If you don't believe me, read this article and then follow the 'Link' below to SNOPES. Sorry to be the Grim Reaper of bad news, but I would rather have you ALIVE, besides a $2.00 box of pancake mix is NOT worth your life.

P. S. You might want totell this to your children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces and anyone else who keeps pancake mix in the cupboard.

From Snopes:


Dear Abby: I recently made a batch of pancakes for my healthy 14-year-old son, using a mix that was in our pantry. He said that they tasted 'funny,' but ate them anyway. About 10 minutes later, he began having difficulty breathing and his lips began turning purple. I gave him his allergy pill, had him sit on the sofa and told him to relax. He was wheezing while inhaling and exhaling.

My husband, a volunteer Firefighter and EMT, heated up some water, and we had my son lean over the water so the steam could clear his chest and sinuses. Soon, his breathing became more regular and his lips returned to a more normal clor. We checked the date on the box of pancake mix and, to my dismay, found it was very outdated. As a reference librarian at an academic institution, I have the ability to search through many research databases. I did just that, and found an article the next day that mentioned a 19-year-old male DYING after eating pancakes made with outdated mix. Apparently, the mold that forms in old pancake mix can be toxic!

When we told our friends about my son's close call, we were surprised at the number of people who mentioned that they should check their own pancake mix since they don't use it often, or they had purchased it some time a go. With so many people shopping at warehouse-type stores and buying large sizes of pancake mix, I hope your readers will take the time to check the expiration date on their boxes.

Also, beware of outdated Bisquick, cake, brownie and cookie mixes.

________________________________________________________________

Mean Moms

Someday when my children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates a parent,
I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:
I loved you enough to ask where you were going,
with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you
discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for
two hours while you cleaned your room,
a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger,
disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children
must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the
responsibility for your actions even when the
penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough to say
NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all.
I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Was your Mom mean?

I know mine was.
We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast,
we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.

When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch,
we had to eat sandwiches.

And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was
different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times.
You'd think we were convicts in a prison.

She had to know who our friends were
and what we were doing with them.
She insisted that if we said we
would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it,
but she had the nerve to break
the Child Labor Laws by making us work.

We had to wash the dishes, make the beds,
learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry,
empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs.
I think she would lie awake at night
thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
By the time we were teenagers,
she could read our minds
and had eyes in the back of her head.
Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk
the horn when they drove up
They had to come up to the door
so she could meet them.

While everyone else could date
when they were 12 or 13,
we had to wait until we were 16.

Because of our mother we missed out
on lots of things other kids experienced.

None of us have ever
been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's
property or ever arrested for any crime.
It was all her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults.
We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.

I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean moms!

Understand how beautifully God has added one more day in your life, not because you need it but because someone else needs you. Great day !.God bless’ take care

A NICE STORY TO SHARE

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... She was such an embarrassment.

She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.
There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to
Say hello to me.
I was so embarrassed.
How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.
The next day at school one of my classmates said, 'EEEE, your mom only
Has one eye!'
I wanted to bury myself.
I also wanted my mom to just disappear..

I confronted her that day and said, ' If you're only gonna make me a
Laughing stock, why don't you just die?'
My mom did not respond....I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger.
I was oblivious to her feelings.
I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her..

So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.
Then, I got married.
I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own.
I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts, Then one day, my
Mother came to visit me.
She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her
Grandchildren.
When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her,
and I yelled at Her for coming over uninvited.
I screamed at her, 'How dare you come to my house and scare my
Children!'
GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!'

And to this, my mother quietly answered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have
Gotten the wrong address,'And she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house.
So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip.
After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.
My neighbors said that she died.
I did not shed a single tear.

They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.'
My dearest son,I think of you all the time.
I'm sorry that I came to your house and
Scared your children.
I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion.

But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you.
I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were
Growing up.
You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and
Lost your eye.
As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you
Having to grow up with one eye.
So I gave you mine.
I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my
Place, with that eye.
With all my love to you,

Your mother.

Always tell someone that you love them because you never know what day will be their last, or your own. Always seek to resolve your problems or disagreements with loved ones. Because if either of you should pass on before, the one who is left alive will have the rest of their life to ponder those unresolved feelings but will never find closure. And closure usually brings Peace...
'I asked God, 'How do I get the best out of life?'God said, 'Face your past without regrets. Handle your present with confidence. And prepare for the future without fear!'

Blood Clots/Stroke

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue.

































I will continue to forward this every time it comes around!


STROKE:Remember

The 1st Three Letters....S.T.R.


My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree.

If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.

Seriously..


Please read:

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:



During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) ... she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.


They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.


Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital-(at 6:00 p. m. Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today.


Some don't die ... they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.


It only takes a minute to read this...


A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hour she can totally reverse the effects of a stroke ..totally.


He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.


RECOGNIZING A STROKE


Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR. Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke .



Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE
(Coherently) (i.e. It is sunny out today)

R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.



If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.


New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue



NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue... If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke.


________________________________________________________________

thank you for taking care of me

'Don't fight in front of the kids' and other advice you can ignore

By Fernanda Moore

The world is full of advice for married couples, newlyweds or not -- some of it commonsensical, most of it well-intentioned, and much of it wrong. In the 14 years we've been married, my husband and I have broken all the rules at least once -- and when I copped to friends, most of them gleefully admitted they'd done the same.

Having a baby puts enormous strain on your relationship. One solution? Simple acknowledgment.

So I asked them to go on the record as we figured out the biggest myths about marriage. With the help of a few experts (themselves veterans of long, kid-filled relationships), we've decoded what bits of conventional wisdom are worth tossing -- and what are worth tweaking -- from the suggestions we've all heard since walking down the aisle.

Myth: Never go to bed angry
It sounds reasonable -- why risk letting a fight smolder overnight only to flare up again the next day? Better to resolve things, sleep soundly, and start fresh.
What we say: Just agree to disagree until morning -- especially if it's midnight, there's no resolution in sight, and you're dying on the vine. After all, not every argument comes with a built-in time limit.

When Brooke Kline of Rohnert Park, California, and her husband wave a temporary white flag and hit the sheets, they see the issue more clearly in the morning. "We aren't so caught up in our emotions," says this mom of a 9-month-old.

Alternately, agreeing beforehand to make up can take the edge off a disagreement. Rachel Kincade of Fort Hood, Texas, says when she can't resolve a conflict with her husband, they have to spend the next day saying or doing nice things for the other person. "By the end of the day, you feel so pumped up on compliments that you just can't stay mad!"
Parenting.com: Love and war

Of course, going to sleep angry isn't great. But here's the bright side: "Even if you go to bed mad and sleep in separate rooms once in a while, you'll be OK -- and so will the relationship," says David Wexler, Ph.D., author of "When Good Men Behave Badly" (and a dad of two who has been married for 24 years).

Myth: Having a baby brings you closer
When my older son was born, my normally reticent husband and I suddenly had a million things to talk about. (Of course, we spent most of our time talking about one subject: the baby! The baby! And did I mention the baby?)

But then my husband went back to work, the traitor. And the baby got colic. And the thrill of nursing all night and staggering around like a zombie all day began to wear thin. Naturally, I couldn't take my frustrations out on my precious tiny bundle... but I had to blame someone. Guess who?

What we say: Having a baby is the ultimate bonding experience. But it also puts enormous strain on your relationship. One solution? Simple acknowledgment -- couples tend to have problems when they expect everything to go smoothly.

You'll also definitely need help with the unbelievable physical labor babies require. "Delegate. If you're good at the bedtime routine and your spouse loves bathtime, you can divide and conquer the tedious parts of parenting," says Karen Reivich, Ph.D., a research associate at the University of Pennsylvania's Positive Psychology Center, coauthor of "The Resilience Factor," and -- most important -- a mom of four who's been married for 14 years.

It helps to get away from the baby on a semi-regular basis. If a formal "date night" makes you cringe, or the logistics seem impossible, opt for something more low-key. "We don't leave the house because we can't afford a baby sitter, but every Wednesday night, after the kids are in bed, my husband and I have a glass of wine together as far away as possible from their bedrooms," says Reivich.

Myth: Spouses should be best friends as well as romantic partners
It sounds wonderful, doesn't it? After all, you and your husband know each other better than anyone else, so why wouldn't he be your best friend, too?

What we say: "Romantic relationships are different from friendships. One person can't be everything to you," says Andrea Smith, a mom of two in Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.
In other words, don't beat yourself up if it sometimes feels like you're closer to the mom next door than to your mate. "It would be great if your husband is someone you have fun with, respect, have great sex with, work well with as a parent, and is your soulmate. But almost no one gets all that in one relationship," says Wexler. And if you and your partner manage some of these things, "you've been blessed," he adds. The trick is to keep your bond going on some level. "Stay involved in your partner's life. When you separate in the morning, make sure you know at least one detail of each other's day -- and ask about it later," says Wexler. Parenting.com: Secrets of a made-to-last marriage

It helps to be grateful for what you do have. "Rick and I have been together since high school -- and he's not my best friend," says Deborah Coakley, a mom of three in Ridgewood, New Jersey. "But after everything we've gone through, he's definitely my most constant friend."

Myth: Don't worry about your (lack of) sex life
In the first months of babyhood, hormones, exhaustion, and what the baby books call being "touched out" -- a polite way to describe wanting to scream if one more human being comes within three feet of you -- all conspire to make sex seem only slightly more appealing than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

What we say: At the risk of sounding unenlightened, after you've had a baby (and especially after the second child), sex becomes absolutely critical to your relationship.
When you're busy, stressed, and seeing about one-tenth as much of each other, sex is the quickest and most rewarding way to reconnect with whatever scraps of the unencumbered and madly-in-love people you both used to be.

"My husband and I snap at each other nonstop when we haven't slept together in a while," says Coakley. And, sure, it's easy to put off sex -- after all, you live with the guy and tomorrow is another day. But don't. As a friend so memorably put it: "There's nothing like an orgasm and an absurdly grateful husband to improve your outlook on life."

You also don't have to fall for the notion that good sex requires an elaborate romantic getaway with your spouse -- that just sets you up for disappointment. It's better to take advantage of frequent stolen moments. "Embrace the quickie -- and widen your repertoire of what counts as good sex," says Reivich. Even if you don't go, as they say, all the way, physical contact of any kind is its own thrill.

Myth: Don't fight in front of the kids
When moms and dads fight, it's scary. Babies can tell when you're angry (and will probably get upset) and bigger kids will worry that the two of you are on the verge of a divorce.
What we say: It can be valuable for children to see their parents work through a disagreement with good will. Kids also need to learn that even people who love each other don't get along perfectly. "It's unrealistic to expect no conflict," says Smith. "If you never have a difference of opinion with your spouse, then you've obviously found someone who agrees with everything you think. How boring!"

In other words, it's fine -- even healthy -- for kids to witness your arguments. But there are caveats. (Aren't there always?) "When you argue in front of your kids, it's important to fight fair," says Reivich. "Instead of shouting 'You're a lazy slob!' say 'It really bothers me when you don't take out the trash.' Take issue with the action, not the person, and don't hurl insults." So if the fight is too intense, or there's no resolution in sight, table it until the kids aren't around.

Myth: Never take your spouse for granted

This is the secret of happy marriages, right? Because taking someone for granted means you've stopped appreciating that person.
What we say: Taking your beloved for granted in a marital context can actually mean you know you can count on him, depend on him, trust him -- that you are, without question, absolutely there for each other.

This might mean you've accepted certain roles within your family. "My husband and I definitely take each other for granted," says Jillian Waddell, a mom of one in Princeton, Massachusetts. "Scott works full-time -- which he never complains about, even though it's sometimes stressful." When you're married with children, feeling secure enough to lean on your spouse without worrying can be immensely liberating.

However, taking your loyal spouse for granted and treating him like dirt aren't the same thing. Simply expressing gratitude goes a long way. "My husband cooks dinner every night," says the incredibly lucky Reivich, "and though I'm used to it, I'm smart enough to know what a deal I've got. So I say, 'Gee, I don't even have to think about cooking dinner anymore, it's so wonderful, thank you,' every once in a while." And that's a piece of advice we all should follow. E-mail to a friend

Copyright 2007 The Parenting Group. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.
Fernanda Moore has written for New York magazine.
All About Parenting

minsan mas especial ang luha kaysa ngiti, kasi kahit sino pwede mo ngitian pero ang luha tutulo lang…para sa taong hindi mo kayang iwanan……

the best evangelizer

We, the parents should be the first and the best to evangelized our children.
This is our prime obligation as a parent.

Lessons in Life

Don't Let someone become a priority in your life,

when you are just an option in their life...

Relationships work best when they are balanced.

~~~

Never explain yourself to any one.

Because the person who likes you doesn't need it,

and the person who dislikes you won't believe it.

~~~

When you keep saying you are busy,

then you are never free.

When you keep saying you have no time,

then you will never have time.

When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow,

then your tomorrow will never come.

~~~

When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices.

Go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase those dreams.

Choice is yours...

~~~

We make them cry who care for us.

We cry for those who never care for us.

And we care for those who will never cry for us

This is the truth of life., its strange but true.

Once you realise this, its never too late to change.

~~~

Don't make promise when you are in joy.

Don't reply when you are sad.

Don't take decision when you are angry.

Think twice.., Act Wise.

~~~

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice,

because the flow that has passed will never pass again.

Enjoy every moment of life...

~~~

First I was dying to finish my high school and start college

And then I was dying to finish college and start working

Then I was dying to marry and have children.

And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough

so I could go back to work.

But then I was dying to retire. And now I'm dying.

And suddenly I realized I forgot to live.

Please don't let this happen to you.

Appreciate your current

situation and enjoy each day.

~~~

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

A very inspiring story for married couple.....continue praying for the LOVE you have....

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped infront of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of thecar in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; Iwent into business and tried to make more money. When the assets weresteadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was acivil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost atthe same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.?

I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea ofdivorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be somethingimpossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matterhow mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently, she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide somethingwhile talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking.

I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected tosee. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does,she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger.

So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling some what upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on mychest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a longtime. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She waspicking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a senseof pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got nofever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her untilI am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammedthe door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wifewhich was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Ease your burdens

Don't make life's difficulties even more difficult by filling your mind with resentment. Instead, ease your burdens by choosing to be truly thankful for them.

If you feel resentment starting to take hold, stop and consider this. There's nothing to be gained by bringing yourself down over what has already happened.

Use the occasion to remember all the things for which you can be thankful. Rise to the challenge of seeing the positive aspects that are surely there within any troubling situation.

Holding on to resentment will drain valuable energy away from you. Gratitude, on the other hand, can fill you with fresh, new positive energy.

Choose to see the value in your situation. Choose to look forward with confidence instead of looking backward with resentment.

Right now, there is much for which to be thankful. Focus on the positive possibilities, and find real joy in steadily bringing them to life.

-Ralph Marston

One hour a week

Our God is asking us to spend one hour a week with him. That is by hearing mass every Sunday.
If we have activities scheduled on a Sunday, He allows us to go to an antecipated mass on a Saturday.

Therefore we have no excuse not to hear the mass.

God does not discrimate on our social status, everybody should go to mass on Sundays.
Eucharistic celebration is the core of our faith.

tokwa't baboy

hubby and i had fun today. we did our usually workout at gym. and after that hubby took mo to this new restuarant. we ordered our favorite "tokwa't baboy" (its tofu with some fried pork dip in sauce). it was the best tokwa recipe i've ever tasted. i will surely come back here to have some more of this delicious food.

later that night, it was our videoke time. a bonding moments spend with our kids.

i was surprised to see my kids singing songs released even during my parents time!
oh well, this was a revelation they got talent in singing. isn't that great!

“God has given us a second chance at happiness.
I come today to give you my love,
to give you my heart and my hope for our future together.

I promise to bring you joy,
to be at home with your spirit and
to learn to love you more each day,
through all the days of our lives.

My love for you is endless and eternal.”

the girl going to Rosario

Last night, I was waiting for hubby to pick me in front of a car dealer store along C5 road. A girl, in her early 20s, stand beside me waiting for a jeepney to arrive. She asked me if there are some jeepneys or FX here that passes by Rosario.



Well I answered yes and that she can try the FX. There are a few jeepneys that goes to Rosario from where we are.



I noticed that whenever there are group of men passing in front of us, she would move closer to me. Well maybe she felt uncomfortable with the way these men loooked at her. She was wearing a very skimpy clothes and it was really an eye-catching.



I dont mind if she feel safe with me. It must be my sisterly-instinct again.



Some few minutes later, an FX came. I looked inside and I saw that there are still some vacant space for her. I told her to take the ride, its goin to pass by Rosario.



She smiled and thank me. I can see a sigh of relief from her face. I think she was afraid to be alone if I got my ride first and leave her behind.



I was also thankful that she took off first, before bien arrived. I would probably be thinking what could have happend to her if I left her behind. the guys where really feasting their eyes on her.

Drew Barrymore's Boot Camp Workout

By: Kathy Kaehler

Fitness professional Kathy Kaehler created a boot-camp-style workout for Drew Barrymore to help her get red carpet ready. You can find the complete workout in Kathy's new book, Kathy Kaehler's Celebrity Workouts. But we've got a few of her star moves right here. Use them at home, and you'll be fitter, stronger and ready for your close-up!

Crab Walk: You'll need about 20 to 30 feet of floor space for this drill. A long hallway is an ideal place to do it. Sit on the floor with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor, hands on the floor behind you, fingers pointing toward you. Lift your buttocks off the floor, using your hands and feet for support. Crab walk backward as fast as you can, keeping your butt lifted and your belly button pulled in, for 20 counts (1 count equals each time you move a hand). Turn around and return to starting position. Targets shoulders, triceps, buttocks, quadriceps, hamstrings, core muscles.

Kick-the-Tape Kickboxing: Take a piece of masking tape and put it on the wall at about waist level (stand with your side facing the wall). With your left leg slightly bent and your belly button pulled in, exhale as you kick your right leg directly to the side, leading with your right hip. Your right kneecap faces forward and your upper body leans slightly to the left as you kick. Watch your right foot to see how high you kick. Repeat the move, trying to kick your right foot on or above the tape each time. Start by doing 8 kicks with each leg, and gradually work up to 12. Targets inner and outer thighs, core muscles.

Waist Whittler: Holding a light dumbbell in your right hand, stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, arms by your sides, palms facing in. Keeping your chest lifted and belly button pulled in, raise your left hand and put it behind your head. With your back straight, lean to the right, lowering the dumbbell down your right leg as far as you can, until you feel a stretch on the side of your waist. Don't lean forward or back with your torso. (Imagine being stuck between two panes of glass as you do the move.) Lift back up to starting position. Do this 10 times, then switch sides and repeat. Targets abdominals (inner and outer obliques).

Excerpted from Kathy Kaehler's Celebrity Workouts by Kathy Kaehler. Copyright © 2005 by Kathy Kaehler. Excerpted by permission of Broadway Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Shape up! - Kathy Kaehler's exercise program - Brief Article
Fitness expert and celeb trainer Kathy Kaehler (Drew Barrymore's a client) has created this intense four-month plan to turn you into a stronger, sleeker, more energetic version of yourself by spring. Start with the December plan-then update each month. It's not easy, but you'll feel like a superstar! the plan 15- to 20-minute workout, 3 days a week get this A mat (or a fluffy towel), an empty wall, some masking tape, and a tennis ball warm up: To get your heart rate really pumping, walk (like you do when you're running really late) around your house (inside or outside, your choice) for 5 minutes (bonus points for climbing stairs). the workout These six moves will work your whole body (you may even be a little sore the first week). To prevent injury, always stretch for a few minutes both before and after you work out.

1 Start by doing 30 single-bounce jumping jacks. Remember the ones you used to do in third-grade gym class (in-out, in-out, in-out)? Like that.
2 Now stand against the wall. Slide down until your knees are in line with your ankles and level with your hips (like you're sitting). Hold for 60 seconds.
3 Slide back up, step away from the wall, and turn sideways. Jump up to stick some tape on the wall 2 feet above your head. Now turn sideways and jump up 20 times to smack it. Repeat on the other side.
4 Now face the wall (standing about 2 feet from it), and place your hands on the wall, shoulder-width apart. Lower yourself--like you're doing a push-up--then press back. Repeat 15 times. Now go back to the jumping jacks and repeat moves 1 through 4.

5 Great job! Now lie down on your mat with bent knees. Put the tennis ball between your knees, place your hands behind your head, and squeeze your knees and butt together. Repeat 25 times slowly (1 and 2 and 3), then 25 times quickly (1 'n' 2 'n' 3 'n'...).
6 Now continue the slow knee squeezes for another 25 reps, but each time you squeeze the tennis ball, lift your shoulder blades off the floor and do a stomach crunch (be sure not to arch your back).

chow, bella!

Nod off in your afternoon classes? To stay energized, eat a fruit or veggie in each of these colors (that's five total) throughout the day: yellow, red, green, orange, and purple.
january
the plan 25- to 30-minute workout, 3 to 4 days a week get this. Two 5-pound weights (at most sporting goods stores for about$14) and a sturdy chair Warm up Walk quickly around your house for about 5 minutes. The workout Do 1-4 (left), then 7-10 (below). Repeat 1-4, upping your reps from 25 to 30.

7 Grab the weights and sit tall in a chair (arms are by your side). Bend your arms, curl the weights to your shoulders, then slowly lower (this works your biceps). Repeat 15 times.
8 On the last rep of biceps curls, stop at your shoulders, face your palms forward, and push straight up. Bring the weights back to your shoulders and push up again (this works your shoulders). Repeat 15 times.
9 Put a pillow in your lap and lay your chest on it. Lift your arms into a T, then lower (this works your back). Repeat the arm moves 15 times.
10 Say bent over, pull your arms in next to your ribs, and bend your elbows. Extend your arms back (see above). Bend and extend (this works your triceps). Repeat 15 times.
Chow, bella! Sweet tooth screaming to be satisfied? Eat 100 sugary calories (a third of a chocolate bar)fora fix that's not too high in calories.
february
11 Lie down on your back on the mat and slide your hands under your hips. Pull your knees into your chest until your hips rise off your hands. Slowly lower your feet to the floor. Repeat 20 times.

the plan 45-to 60-minute workout, 4 to 5 days a week get this. A mat or a fluffy towel Warm up Walk quickly around your house for 5 minutes. the workout Replace move 1 with one of these: Walk 3 miles in under 45 minutes or ride a bike for 30 minutes. Then do moves 2-4, 7-10 (left), repeat both groups, and add 11-14 (below) to the end.
12 Place your hands behind your head. Extend your legs straight up (your toes are pointed at the ceiling) and crunch up until your shoulder blades come all the way off the ground. Slowly lower. Crunch 20 times.

13 Put your feet back down on the floor (hands behind your head, knees bent). Now exhale and crunch all the way to your knees (get a partner to help you hold down your feet--or slide them under a couch). Slowly inhale and lower. Repeat 20 times.
14 Place your left foot on your right knee, then crunch, twist, and try to touch your right elbow to your left knee--lower. Do this 20 times, then repeat on the other side.

Chow, bella!

march
Addicted to caffeine? Drink a glass of water for every cup of coffee or soda you consume. Too much caffeine will make your energy levels see-saw.

15 Tie the rope around your waist and fast-walk for 3 miles After each mile (about every 15 minutes), jump rope 200 times.
the plan 60- to 70-minute workout, 5 days a week (you can do it!) saget this A jump rope, a sturdy chair, and a mat (or a fluffy towel) warm up Walk quickly around your house for 5 minutes. the workout Do 15--18 (below), then 11--14(left), upping the reps from 20 to 30. Forget 1--10. From April on, use 1--18 to make new 60-minute plans, 3--5 days a week.

16 Now go sit on the chair with your hands next to your butt, fingers forward. Slide your butt off the chair and lower it until your elbows are level with your shoulders Come back up. Repeat 20 times.
17 Lie on a mat in front of the chair, put your heels on the seat, and lift your hips off the floor. Now squeeze your butt as tight as possible. Lower down. Repeat 25 times.
18 Getup, turn to face the chair, step up with one foot, then bring the second foot up beside it. Do 25--repeat on the other leg.

Chow, bella!
Can't wait another hour until dinner? Spread peanut butter on half of a small bagel (protein plus carbs is tilling and nutritious).

COPYRIGHT 2001 © Hearst Communications, Inc. All Rights ReservedCOPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group

hubby did the dishes

It has been four days since Monday that my hubby has been volunteering to do the dishes after dinner. Is it not so sweet! It is the examination week of my kids and I have to assist them with their studies. My hubby also spends time tutoring my kids with their studies. But after dinner, I think he would rather do the dishes instead of tutoring. I think he is watching the television after doing the dishes. Oh its ok, at least I don’t have to rush washing the dishes then tutoring the kids with their studies. It is so stressful.

And today is Friday a relax day for all of us.

IF YOU WERE TO REWRITE YOUR WEDDING VOWS

By H. Norman Wright,
"Quiet Times with Couples"

Imagine for a moment that your wedding to your partner is taking place
today. If you were to rewrite your wedding vows now, what would you commit
to and promise to do? Before you think of your own answers, consider these
that other couples have written.
* "My commitment to you is to listen to your concerns each day for the
purpose of having the kind of marriage we both want."
* "I realize that our love will change. I will work to maintain a high
level of romance, courtship, and love in our relationship.
* "I pledge myself to confront problems when they arise and not retreat
like a turtle into my shell."
* "I commit myself to you in times of joy and in times of problems. We
will tackle and share our problems together."
* "I promise that I will never be too busy to look at the flowers with
you."
* "I will respect your beliefs and capabilities which are different from
mine and will not attempt to make you into a revised edition of me."
* "I will be open and honest with you, and I desire you to be the same
with me."
* "I will reflect the Word of God in my relationship with you."
Which of these would you select for your marriage? Take a few moments
and write out some new and additional vows. Many couples do this each year
as they celebrate their wedding anniversary. It adds a new dimension to the
commitment of marriage. With all the interference and distractions we
encounter each day, we need lots of reminders to make our marriage a
priority for the glory of God.

"A faithful man shall abound with blessings" (Proverbs 28:20).

an email from bien dated 6.18.2002

Besides sex -- other reasons men cheat

*marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, it's estimated that one in 2.7 men will cheat -- and most of their wives will never know about it.

M. Gary Neuman tells Oprah Winfrey there are unobtrusive ways of finding out if a husband is cheating.
Gary documented these findings -- and many others -- in a groundbreaking new book. To write "The Truth About Cheating," Gary surveyed hundreds of faithful and cheating husbands to uncover the real reason some men stray.
Gary says his work as a marriage counselor inspired him to write this book. "For over 20 years, [I've been] living along with women, counseling, seeing the devastation and how overwhelming it is when they are cheated on and what it subsequently does to the children and the family," he says.
"You want to help children of divorce? I said, 'Well, let's get really down and dirty and find out what we can do to save marriages and make them better.'"
Although Gary discusses how wives of cheaters can factor into affairs, he says he wrote the book to empower women. Oprah.com: Is he cheating on you?
"It's not about blaming the wife. It can't be. I mean, cheating is ridiculous. It's wrong. And you can't justify it," Gary says. "My book is about one thing. It's really about empowering women. If I can give you knowledge that says that I could have proof that if you do certain things, you can lead your relationship to a better place, that will be much better for you as well because it's not just about stopping tragedy. It's about building a much more mutually beneficial relationship."
Top reason for cheating?
What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex.
"The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures," Gary says. "Men are very emotional beings. They just don't look like that. Or they don't seem like that. Or they don't tell you that."
Josh says he cheated on his wife, Jennifer, because he felt underappreciated at home and started feeling insecure. "That insecurity was really the catalyst," he says. "I didn't feel comfortable going to the one person in the world I should be going to, which is my wife." Oprah.com: The signs you could be missing
With daily worries like bills, children and chores, Gary says it's easy for couples to drift away from appreciating one another like they should. Gary says the other woman often makes the man feel better about himself.
"[She] makes them feel different. Makes them feel appreciated, admired," he says. "Men look strong, look powerful and capable. But on the inside, they're insecure like everybody else. They're searching and looking for somebody to build them up to make them feel valued."
Men have a winning mentality, Gary says. Just think about how the men in your life act while watching their favorite sports teams.
"They love to win," Gary says. "Does he have ownership in the team? It looks like that. But as long as they're in the game, even to the very end, they'll watch. Once it's a blowout and they know their team can't win, television goes off. And what a lot of men will say to me through this research is, 'I just felt like I couldn't win.' Now they might not have been great guys to live with, I'm not saying it's her fault, again. But if you want to secure your relationship and understand and have the knowledge of men, make them feel like they're winning with the things that they do for you."
Don't be afraid to praise your partner or tell him that you appreciate what he does, Gary says. "We get married because we want one person in the world to really think we're wonderful for doing all the things that we do. We all want the same thing," he says. "And the more we give it, the more we get it in return."
Is cheater choosing prettier women?
How often does a man cheat on his wife with a woman who's more attractive? Not as often as you may think. Gary found that 88 percent of the men surveyed said the other women were no better looking or in no better shape than their own wives. Oprah.com: The "other woman" speaks out
For the first five years of his marriage, AJ says things were rocky with his wife, Janet. "We got to the point where we were really living in separate parts of the house. I went downstairs every time I came home from work," he says. "So when somebody else took an interest in me and was interested in what I did, interested in my job, interested in what I wear -- you name it -- before I had the self-awareness to understand my vulnerabilities and take responsibility, I liked it -- even though it was the worst decision of my life."
Every couple will eventually face certain life changes, but Gary urges couples to think back about the interest they took in one another when they were first dating or newlyweds.
"Everybody deserves that. Everybody wants that," Gary says. "Because it's not about the sex, what everyone's been made to believe. Anybody, no matter how you look, can be admiring and kind and warm and give you that extra little pump and that extra kindness and hang on your words."
How often do men confess to cheating on before being caught?
Only 7 percent of men who strayed told their wives without being asked. Fifty-five percent of men in Gary's study have either not told their wives or lied after being confronted with hard evidence. "I kind of tell people, 'If you're going to wait for him to come tell you, go buy a lottery ticket, because you like playing against the odds,'" Gary says.
In 2004, Colleen discovered that her husband, Scott, was having an affair and says she caught him several times. The first time she says she caught Scott was on Father's Day when the other woman called the house.
"I was standing there right with him in the kitchen so I heard her, and she said, 'Are you okay? Are you okay? Hang in there,'" Colleen says. "He tried to tell me it was a dispatcher from work and that was very suspicious."
Colleen says Scott's affair was painful, but the lying was worse. "When you've been married for so long and you trust someone so much and they look you right in the eye and they're telling you a lie, it takes a lot to move past that," she says.
Gary says Colleen's desire to believe her husband is common. "The problem is that that's the moment where every woman has to look at her husband and say, simply, 'Look. The fact [is] that I think you may be cheating. I'll trust you at your word. I've got no choice. But there's something wrong with us.'" Gary says.
Although he felt connected to his wife, Scott says he started to feel insecure when Colleen's mother passed away.
"I felt powerless; I didn't feel able to talk with my wife," he says. "Looking back on it, I felt that it transferred onto our relationship when it really didn't. She was really looking for me to be that strong point and I kind of walked away from it because of the insecurities I was feeling and the challenges we were facing in our marriage at the time and my abilities to be able to love her as a husband."
Just as the little things are often signs that something is wrong, the little things can also help rebuild relationships, Gary says. For example, if a man tries to make breakfast and burns the toast, Gary suggests staying positive.
"[Men] want to feel like they're pleasing their wives... When you give him the message mainly that you screwed up, then believe it or not, it makes him feel insecure. [He thinks,] 'I can't win,'" Gary says. "Engender the good feeling of the trying and the effort that he's made. That's where the love really is."
Katherine calls in to ask Gary about her suspicions that her husband cheated on her.
"One night I saw his phone on the counter and I looked at it, and it somehow came right to this picture of him naked and aroused from the waist down... I asked him about it. He denied anything. He said he took the picture to send to me, which I know is a big fat lie because I wouldn't approve. And so that was one thing. And then I've also seen e-mails from women from Russia, wanting him to be their lovers."
Katherine says she has tried tracking him with a GPS unit and installing spyware on his computer, but he found both and disabled them. Gary says Katherine should try getting him to submit to a lie detector test.
"Obviously we all think here that he's up to no good," Gary says. "The question, Katherine, that you have to face, and this is hard for a woman: Do you want to know?"
Gary says the truth can be very difficult for women to face because it could be the end of their marriage and the beginning of a painful divorce. Gary says the cheater's lying is really the ultimate betrayal.
"I say to men, look, do yourself a bigger favor, be honest with your wife when you're just beginning to get interested in somebody else. Sit down with your wife and say, 'Listen. Something is wrong,'" Gary says.
If you suspect your husband is cheating, Gary says there are unobtrusive ways of investigating, such as looking at cell phone records or computer histories, or try using an automobile GPS tracking device if necessary. But first, find out if GPS tracking is legal in your state.
Brian and Anne say they never thought they would have to deal with an affair in their marriage. Anne says Brian was never gone in the evenings, they were emotionally connected, and they had sex every night. Yet Brian was secretly having an affair on his lunch hour at work.
"I was always under the belief that affairs happened to people in either bad marriages or where there's no sex going on. And because we had both of those things, I was really unaware of how easily I could slip into an affair," Brian says.
Brian says he started having his affair with a person who at first was just a friend. "And then you develop some sort of a connection with them through some sort of common interest," he says. "I didn't choose to go have an affair. It just sort of happened."
Gary says Brian is right that most men meet the person they have an affair with in one of two places -- at work or through a hobby. "It begins as an emotional relationship. There's a friendship that develops. It's not just looking for the sex," Gary says. "We all have this picture of cheaters as the bad guys. They're horrible, rotten, not nice. No, they can be nice people who get lost, who do the wrong thing -- and they can be your husband."
From "The Oprah Winfrey Show" © 2008
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All About Marriage

10 Reasons You're Not Losing That Weight

If losing weight were simple, Spanx would be just a screen name in an S&M chat room.

But dieting is complicated: There are even ways to screw up without realizing it. For instance, who would ever think that working out in the a.m. or cranking the AC might be the reason you're not slimming down? Luckily, once you've identified these flubs, fixing them is nowhere near as hard as pulling on a pair of control-top hose.

Roadblock number 1: Always a go-getter, you work out at 6 a.m.
What's wrong with that? Morning workouts are great—if you go to bed at 10 p.m. In a recent study in the American Journal of Epidemiology, women who slept seven or more hours a night were less likely to put on weight than women who didn't. Those who slept only 6 hours a night were 12 percent more likely to gain substantial weight—33 pounds on average over the course of 16 years! (Women who slept a measly five hours had a 32 percent chance of gaining 30 or more pounds.) Other studies have linked lack of sleep to a higher BMI and have found that it negatively affects levels of the appetite-regulating hormones ghrelin and leptin.

Detour: Don't sacrifice your snooze time—not even for an extra-long run. And quality matters more than quantity, so taking a siesta later won't help. "In a 20-minute power nap you don't get into the deep-sleep stage," says Donna Taliaferro, Ph.D., associate professor of nursing at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who conducts research on sleep and circadian rhythms. "You need to go through the cycles of sleep over a few hours to get the restorative rest that allows your body to work properly." Bottom line: You're better off sleeping through your workout every other day than stumbling to a sunrise Pilates class on too few z's.
By Nancy Gottesman, Women's Health

Roadblock number 2: You're a teetotaler (or a sot!).
What's wrong with that? Alcohol may not be the diet kryptonite you thought it was. Recent research showed that those who have a single drink a couple times a week have a lower risk of becoming obese than either teetotalers or heavy drinkers. Those who consume more than four drinks daily, on the other hand, boost their odds of obesity by 46 percent.

Detour: Go ahead and have a drink; just avoid belly-busters like a 245-calorie piña colada. Instead, raise a glass of heart-smart merlot (123 calories per 5 ounces), Bud Light (110 calories per 12 ounces), champagne (88 calories per 4 ounces), or sake (39 calories per ounce). Or mix a 100-calorie cocktail, like vodka and diet tonic or tequila and club soda. "Just make sure you drink it with some healthy food, such as raw veggies with low-fat dip or whole-wheat pita and hummus," advises Dawn Jackson Blatner, R.D., a spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association. Eating slows the rise of alcohol in your blood—and cuts the odds you'll drunk-order the deep-fried mozzarella sticks.

Roadblock number 3: You crank the AC.
What's wrong with that? Al Gore wants you to lay off the thermostat to save the planet. Here's how it can save (the shape of) your own ass, too: In a study published in Physiology & Behavior, researchers found that exposure to temperatures above the "thermoneutral zone"—the artificial climate we create with clothes, heating, or air conditioning—decreases our appetite and food intake. "At a slightly uncomfortable 81 degrees, the women in the study experienced a 20 percent decrease in appetite and ate 10 percent less than at 72 degrees," says lead author Margriet S. Westerterp-Plantenga, Ph.D., a professor of food-intake regulation in the department of human biology at Maastricht University in the Netherlands.

Detour: Instead of cranking the air conditioner every time you feel a little warm, learn to endure slightly steamier conditions. Hitting the "off" button is well worth a little discomfort if it helps you lose the saddlebags.

Roadblock number 4: You log extra miles on the treadmill to make up for giant meals.
What's wrong with that? When it comes to dieting, success isn't 90 percent perspiration. You can't achieve lasting weight loss via exercise alone. But a new study in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism found that dieting can shrink your fat zones just as effectively as dieting plus exercise.

Detour: If you try the diet-only approach, you need a clear idea of how much you should be eating. Multiply your weight by 10, then add your weight again to that sum: That gives you the number of calories you need to maintain your current weight without activity. For example, 135 pounds x 10 = 1,350 + 135 = 1,485 calories. Eat more than that regularly, and your "loose-fit" pants won't anymore; eat less, and your muffin top will start melting away. But not so fast—before you burn your gym membership, read on about sarcopenia.

Roadblock number 5: You ignore sarcopenia.
What's wrong with that? Sarcopenia, in case you weren't paying attention to your medical TV dramas, is age-related muscle loss—and it can start in your 30s. If you don't take action now, you could begin to lose as much as 1 to 2 percent of your muscle mass by the time you hit 50. Less muscle means you burn fewer calories and store more of them as fat.

Detour: The key to stopping muscle meltdown is to strengthen your back, shoulders, arms, and thighs. "When you increase lean muscle mass, you burn more calories, even when you're sitting down doing nothing," says Amy Campbell, M.S., R.D., education program manager for health care services at the Joslin Diabetes Center of the Harvard Medical School. Find a strength workout in "Secrets of the Nation's Top Trainers" and start sculpting at least twice a week. And keep it up after you reach your goal weight: Studies show that if you don't exercise regularly (60 minutes of moderate physical activity a day), the pounds can creep back on.

Roadblock number 6: You're shooting for a realistic size 6 instead of a near-impossible 2.
What's wrong with that? We know size 2 jeans look like they were made for a 10-year-old, but, according to a study of 1,801 people published in the International Journal of Obesity, women who set unrealistically high weight-loss goals dropped more weight in 24 months than those who kept their expectations low.

Detour: The study authors concluded that having an optimistic goal motivated women to lose more weight. And the participants who failed to reach their magic number did not quit trying to drop the weight. Could aiming for Sienna Miller's figure really help you reach your goal weight healthfully? "If you're a driven person and a lofty goal motivates you," says Blatner, "it can work."

Roadblock number 7: Ever since the recent headlines, you've been popping M&Ms like they're Advil.
What's wrong with that? You've heard the news: Cocoa can lower blood pressure; reduce the risk of heart attack, stroke, diabetes, and dementia; and possibly even prevent cancer. But the research isn't as delicious as it seems. The cocoa-bean products used in the studies are a far cry from the highly processed chocolate candy you find on the shelves of your local store. "Milk chocolate contains about 150 calories and 10 grams of fat per ounce," says Campbell.

Detour: The key here is small doses. Dark chocolate, which retains more of the bean during processing, generally has slightly less fat and fewer calories than milk chocolate—plus, it's richer, so less goes a longer way. We like CocoaVia's Crispy Chocolate Bar (90 calories, 5 g. fat) or Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Stick (60 calories, 3.5 g. fat). If dark doesn't do it for you, opt for low-cal choices such as a half-cup of Breyers French Chocolate Double Churn Fat Free Ice Cream (90 calories, 0 g. fat).

Roadblock number 8: You think "water-rich diet" means more trips to the cooler.
What's wrong with that? Water in your glass is good, but water in your food can have serious slimming power. In a new American Journal of Clinical Nutrition study, obese women ages 20 to 60 were told to either reduce their fat intake or increase their intake of water-rich foods, such as fruits and veggies. Although they ate more, women in the water-rich group chose foods that were more filling—yet had fewer calories—so they still lost 33 percent more weight in the first 6 months than the women in the reduced-fat group.

Detour: Fill up on food that's high in H2O. Some good choices in addition to fruits and veggies: broth-based, low-sodium soups; oatmeal and other whole grains; and beans. For other filling options, consult The Volumetrics Eating Plan: Techniques and Recipes for Feeling Full on Fewer Calories, by Barbara Rolls, Ph.D. (Harper Paperbacks, 2007).

Roadblock number 9: You give up junk food today but put off joining a gym until January.
What's wrong with that? Tackling one goal at a time is supposed to help you succeed. But new research published in the Archives of Internal Medicine bucks that conventional wisdom. In a study of more than 200 people who smoked, had high blood pressure, and weren't extremely active, one group was asked to quit the butts, cut back on dietary sodium, and increase physical activity all at once. Another group addressed one bad habit at a time. The group that tackled all their problems simultaneously had the higher success rate after 18 months.

Detour: Combining your goals may work for the same reason job negotiations do: When you ask for everything, you're more likely to get something. Put this thinking to the test by creating a healthy eating and exercise plan and throwing all your energy into following both.

Roadblock number 10: You never think about potassium.
What's wrong with that? A recent Canadian study concluded that getting more potassium might help lower your weight and blood pressure. Levels measured in study participants were proportional to their diet and weight. "That makes sense," says Blatner. "The richest sources of potassium are beans, vegetables, and fruit, so the person with high potassium levels is consuming a lot of these foods, which are low in calories and are the most filling."

Detour: You should aim for 4,700 milligrams of potassium each day. Supplements may help you hit that target, but doctors don't recommend them for everyone. Try filling up on white beans (1 cup: 1,000 mg. potassium), winter squash (1 cup: 494 mg.), spinach (1 cup: 840 mg.), baked potato with skin (926 mg.), yogurt (1 cup: 600 mg.), halibut (4 ounces: 566 mg.), and orange juice (1 cup: 473 mg.).

URL: http://health.msn.com/weight-loss/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=100213228

7 Diet Mistakes You Can Avoid

No matter if you are trying to lose weight, maintain your weight, or just eat healthier this year, the concept of diet will emerge at some point.
New diets are coming out all the time and some are better than others, but too often we sabotage a new eating plan or healthy eating choice. This year, be aware of these seven common diet mistakes and steer clear of them.

Setting unrealistic goals. When you set goals for a diet, make sure those goals are achievable. Don't try to do everything at once and then expect to suddenly weigh what you did in high school. An example of an attainable goal might be to eat two snacks of fresh fruit every day and three servings of vegetables between lunch and dinner.

Eating only one time each day. I often hear that people, in order to "save" calories, are skipping breakfast and lunch and only eating dinner. Let me tell you: This plan will save you no calories and can squelch your metabolism in the bargain. Eating three meals a day is important to your general health.

Thinking short-term only. This is why people lose and then regain weight so quickly. A change in diet isn't meant to be just for a few months; it should become a lifelong habit. Think long-term changes.

Underestimating your food portions. We are all guilty of this. Research shows that, when recalling foods consumed, most people under-report the amounts they ate. You may think that you only are having one cup of cereal — but use a measuring cup just to be sure.

Making your diet plan too restrictive. When starting a diet, people usually err on the side of caution and eat too little — a practice they aren't able to maintain long-term. Also, a diet never means excluding major food groups like whole grains, fruits, or dairy.

Not having a support system. When working on eating healthier, the more support you have the better. Tell others around you about your goals and let them know how they can best help you.
Forgetting about exercise. People often ask me, "Which one is more important, diet or exercise?" I reply, "Do you want your airplane to have one wing or two?" Diet and exercise need to be done together — don't forget to exercise regularly.

© 2007 Johns Hopkins University. All Rights Reserved. This article from Johns Hopkins University is provided as a service by Yahoo. All materials are produced independently by Johns Hopkins University, which is solely responsible for its content.