Is a Japanese diet the key to slimming down?

By Debra Samuels, Globe Correspondent November 21, 2005

On the heels of the wildly popular ''French Women Don't Get Fat," we can now read why Japanese women don't get fat -- or old.

If only everyone would just eat and act like the Japanese, says Japanese-born Naomi Moriyama, we'd all be a lot better off. In ''Japanese Women Don't Get Fat or Old: Secrets from My Mother's Tokyo Kitchen," a memoir cum self-help manual cum recipe book coauthored with her American-born husband, William Doyle, Moriyama suggests that changing American eating habits could help create slimmer and more healthful lives. Dieting is not required.

Moriyama, a marketing consultant in New York, offers attractive recipes, advice on creating a Japanese kitchen, and some wisdom. She has evocative food memories of growing up in Japan, too. She compares American ice cream trucks in neighborhoods here to the Japanese vendors at home who bring their trucks to neighborhoods and roast sweet potatoes over hot stones.

Of the secrets in her mother's Japanese kitchen, one is that it is not enough to eat like a Japanese person: You must also behave like one. For instance, in Japan, people do not hop into their cars to run multiple unrelated errands. They benefit from the incidental exercise of walking and climbing hundreds of steps when taking trains and using one-speed bicycles to shop and to pick up their children at school.

There are plenty of food-related secrets, too. The most important may be the concept of ''hara hachi bunme" -- eating until you are 80 percent full. Portions are small and partially determined by plate size. Foods are eaten separately and enjoyed for their flavors as well as their eye appeal. Indeed, in Japan, everyone is a food stylist. Japanese women are exhorted by school principals to make sure the lunch they prepare for their children is well balanced and beautiful to behold.

Moriyama introduces the ''seven pillars of Japanese food" -- fish, vegetables, rice, soy, noodles, tea, and fruit. Deconstructing the Japanese diet, she explains each element in separate chapters, studded with mostly accessible recipes. These include history lessons, chatty anecdotes, references to ''samurai shopping lists," and details of husband Billy's Japanese food experiences and culinary skills. Actually, they are more distracting than appealing. The book needs to be slimmed down. By the time Moriyama gets to her final how-to chapter, with menus and a guide to the recipes, you are apt to have forgotten the food. Her penchant for detail, including measurements of plate size, is overwrought. When is the last time you shopped with a tape measure?

Still, her descriptions of Japanese ingredients are excellent. She reminds us that the Japanese diet is based on fish, rather than beef, with all the nutritional benefits (including less fat). We also get a good sense of the form and flavors of the food.

She admits to being inspired by ''French Women Don't Get Fat." Although both titles are catchy, Moriyama's is overstated. Alas, many Japanese women do get old and chubby. Japanese television is filled with infomercials for liquid diets, exercise machines, and undergarments that squeeze the life out of you. Japanese women are the longest-living in the world, but their daughters and granddaughters are getting bigger and heavier. The Japanese blame it on fast food and the Western diet. Eating disorders are on the rise.

Moriyama calls Japan a ''food Utopia" -- and that is an understatement. You can't walk 15 paces in Tokyo without passing a food establishment that looks and smells so enticing it is bound to separate you from any resolve. This evokes the concept of ''enryo" (restraint). As Moriyama points out, Japanese women eat sweets but do so in much smaller amounts than their Western counterparts. There is no premium on gluttony in Japan -- or elsewhere in Asia. Koreans speak of eating like a crane, which, due to the shape of its beak, can only pick at food. That way, you will grow old as gracefully as that elegant bird.

When I asked a Japanese friend who recently lost about 15 pounds how she did it, she held her hands close together to indicate small portion sizes. To start the day, she said, ''I went back to eating a Japanese breakfast of miso soup, rice, and fish or egg." Moriyama calls it a ''Japanese power breakfast." Maybe we should start there.

Debra Samuels lives and writes in Tokyo.


© Copyright 2006 The New York Times Company

It’s the little things that matter.

Are we doing it well or we can do it better.

Dont you get tired of doing the same things over and over again. Sometimes it is exhausting.

Find Your Pursuit

Expert advice on finding a fun, purposeful activity that motivates you.


Photography: David Martinez; Styling: Beth Katz; Hair & Makeup: Betten Chaston; Talent: Look

"We have been taught to believe everyone else's needs come first, so we're often uncomfortable pursuing interests for our own satisfaction," says Dale Atkins, Ph.D., a psychologist in New York City and author of Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life. "But nurturing yourself doesn't take away from the other people. It just makes you happier, and that has a ripple effect: You're more self-reliant, more fun to be around, more vital, engaged, and
focused on what you have rather than what you lack. "

With that in mind, we asked experts from psychologists to life coaches for advice on how to find an activity that will help make life feel more fulfilling. While there's no one-size-fits-all prescription--a working mother will need something different from an empty nester or recent retiree--finding a solution takes less effort than you might think.

1. Look for Inspiration
To decide on an activity that would make you happy, Kathleen Hall, founder and ceo of The Stress Institute and author of A Life in Balance: Nourishing the Four Roots of Happiness, suggests fast-forwarding 30 or 40 years.

"Think about what you always wanted to accomplish," she says. Did you want to be a teacher? A philanthropist? An athlete? A world traveler? "Write down all your ideas, because that's your first step toward action," Hall says.

Another source of inspiration can come from your childhood. "Think back to what you enjoyed doing when you were younger," suggests Alice Domar, Ph.D., director of the Domar Center for Complementary Healthcare and author of Self-Nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself as Effectively as You Care for Everyone Else. "If you loved ballet at age eight, chances are you'll still love to dance." Or maybe you always wanted to take flying lessons but didn't want to do it while your children were young; if your kids are older, now's your chance. The sky's the limit.

If a plan does not come to you immediately, be patient. "It can take time to adapt to the idea of thinking about what you need," Domar says. Let curiosity guide you; make a list of things you'd like to learn about, and start researching them.

2. Examine Your Options
Next, determine if your ideas are realistic. "Look at what will fit your lifestyle," says Gail McMeekin, a Boston-based life coach and author of The Power of Positive Choices. "Do you have five hours a day, or do you measure free time in minutes?"

If your life is already busy, look for ways to parlay an activity you already do into something more gratifying. For instance, if you exercise regularly but want to spend more time with friends, merge the two activities by exercising with friends. Or make that time even more meaningful by finding friends who want to sign up for a charitable fitness activity, like an aids walk.

Ask about opportunities at your workplace, too. "Many companies encourage employees to get involved in philanthropic work, and some give employees time off for volunteering," says Jason Willett, spokesperson for VolunteerMatch. Another easy-to-fit-in option: Some charitable organizations have opportunities for virtual volunteering--tasks you can do on your home computer. Many organizations need writers and Web site designers, for instance. If you have children, look for activities that you and your family can do together.

3. Consider Taking a RiskWhile it can be gratifying to use familiar skills, don't be afraid to venture into the unknown with a new activity, especially if you have time on your hands to experiment. VocationVacations.com lets you sample a new career. For a fee, you can try your hand at everything from baking to fashion designing under the guidance of a professional in the field. "Getting out of your comfort zone can be exhilarating," says Jan Cullinane, co-author of The New Retirement: The Ultimate Guide to the Rest of Your Life. "Adults sometimes become stuck in a rut because we think we have to be accomplished and competent at everything we do," she says. "But trying new things builds self-confidence because it shows you're capable of doing things you never dreamed you could do." Cullinane speaks from experience. "I'm in my 50s, and I just started playing tennis two years ago."

Think, too, about how a new hobby will complement your established activities. Volk says one of the things that appeals to her about knitting is the tangible reward for her effort--something she doesn't receive from implementing computer programs. At the end of the day, she produces something she can see and touch, not the ether of software codes.

Benefits Beyond Your Expectations
A new activity can bring unexpected possibilities--friendships, interests, and even career opportunities. "I know a woman who started training for a marathon at age 45 because she wanted to be more in touch with her body," Atkins says. "She not only completed the marathon, but now she is a fitness trainer. That one step led to so many other rewards."

Although adding another activity to an already busy schedule may seem like a recipe for overload, research has shown that people with multifaceted interests actually feel less stress than people whose lives are more narrowly focused. There are direct physical benefits, too. For example, several years ago, researchers from Washington University in St. Louis reported that adults who volunteer had higher measures of well-being than nonvolunteers--and the more hours of volunteering they put in, the bigger the boost. The happy, content feeling one experiences from helping others is so pervasive it even has a name: helper's high, a calm but energized feeling that may be the result of endorphins being released in the brain.

Make your new activity as much a part of your life as your job or your family, regardless of potential obstacles. "When something becomes a priority, you make it happen," Volk says. "I knit or crochet every night, either while I'm watching a movie with my kids or after they go to bed. If the kids are in bed, my husband reads to me while I knit. We pick a classic novel we've both wanted to read, so it ends up being time that's enriching in many ways."

Ginny Graves is a freelance writer in northern California. Her latest book, For Richer or Poorer: Keeping Your Marriage Happy When She's Making More Money, was recently published in paperback.

Six Relationship-Ending Dating Behaviors

These violations of trust will kill any relationship
--By David Wygant Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Jul 31, 2008

Finding the one to share a relationship with is a blessing. Once you've bonded with this special someone, keep in mind that respecting your partner's privacy and retaining trust are essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. If you cross certain behavioral boundaries that violate your partner's trust, you may cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
As a dating coach, I'm not usually a fan of hard and fast "rules" for relationships. I've, nevertheless, identified widespread behaviors which will likely end any relationship. So to help you ensure that you don't breach the "trust" boundary in your relationship, here are six detrimental dating behaviors that should always be avoided:


1. Prying into private info. If you suspect your partner of betrayal, does that give you the right to start reading your partner's email? To listen to his/her voicemail messages? To hack into his/her online profile? The answer to all of these is "no!"
You should never dig through your partner's personal emails or listen to your partner's voicemail messages.
You should never dig through your partner's personal emails or listen to your partner's voicemail messages. By doing this, you violate not only your partner's trust, but also the trust your partner has with anyone who left those voice messages and emails.


2. Lying for the greater good. Lying is never good in a relationship, although we've probably all been guilty of doing it. Lying to your partner in an effort to avoid hurting him/her or to avoid confrontation may seem like a wise decision. Regrettably, you will end up digging a deeper hole for yourself when that lie is exposed, which is almost always inevitable. When caught in this situation, you end up hurting your partner anyway, and whatever you were trying to protect your partner from -- by lying to them -- will be even worse because of your deception. I recommend honestly communicating with your partner from the get-go.


3. Pulling a "James Bond." You should never snoop in your partner's private things (drawers, wallet, filing cabinet, or private records -- such as bank or credit card statements). Furthermore, nothing justifies snooping. No matter what you have a "hunch" about, snooping through your partner's things should never be pursued to confirm or deny your hunch. Your partner's possessions and personal records should be kept private unless he/she gives you permission to look at them. Spying on your partner is one of the most blatant violations of your partner's trust and will achieve nothing except having your partner never trust you to be alone near his/her things ever again.


4. Designating yourself "Magnum P.I." Another ill-advised way some people try to verify suspected bad behavior by their partner is to take on the role of private investigator by attempting to "catch their partner in the act" of doing something. Whether this takes the form of searching for your partner's car by driving by his/her house, work, or gym or it takes the form of following your partner in your car, this is something you should never do. Even if you have a convincing hunch that your partner is hiding something from you, stalking is the wrong way to address it. If your partner finds out you've been "tailing him/her" in your car, he/she will no longer trust you.


5. Sending others to do your dirty work. Don't ever send a friend or anyone else to gather information for you about your partner or to spy on your partner for you. This means, don't send a friend to go hang out where you know or suspect your partner will be. Don't have your friend try to eavesdrop on your partner's conversations in places he/she goes. Don't ask your friends to use their cell phone to snap covert pictures of your partner. All of these favors from friends not only violate your partner's trust, but also reveal your total lack of trust in your partner.


6. Checking up constantly. One of the biggest ways to reveal that you don't trust your partner is to manifest that distrust with paranoid and obsessive behavior. While calling your partner regularly is quite normal, calling him/her incessantly to "check up" comes off as obsessive and will drive your partner away. If, for example, your partner is unable to answer his/her phone for a few hours and by the time he/she accesses it he/she discovers you've called 50 times, you not only come off as being paranoid and obsessive, but you clearly communicate to your partner that you distrust him/her. Also, when you panic every time 10 minutes go by without a reply from your partner by a phone call or an email, it sends the exact same message.
So even if you have some type of "intuition" that your partner is hiding something from you, it's better to engage in a confrontation with him/her openly rather than searching for answers secretly. Even if your partner doesn't respond to your attempts to talk about it the first, second, or third time, chances are that you'll eventually discuss it -- and the outcome of voicing your suspicions honestly with your partner will always be better than if your partner discovers you engaged in any of the behaviors I've talked about.
No matter how much love exists in your relationship, it cannot survive without trust.
No matter how much love exists in your relationship, it cannot survive without trust. Violating someone's trust will never take a relationship to a better place. In fact, by doing so, you may very well be single-handedly orchestrating the end of what could have been a fantastic relationship. Also, keep in mind that I didn't mention the most obvious relationship-ending behavior to avoid: cheating.

THROUGH A RAPIST'S EYE

Forwarded by Jim Paredes of Ateneo69.

Jim Paredes wrote: Katipunan , QC incident

Dear friends,

Many of you may not have heard of the incident that happened to a friend of my son last week at about 6:30 pm right in front of the thickly-populated area of BPI-Katipunan, near shoppersville. she parked her car right in front of BPI to make a withdrawal and to do some groceries.As she was getting into her car after doing her chores, a man suddenly appeared beside her and tried to bully her into moving to the passenger seat. when she pressed her car horn to call attention, he pushed her in the car and pinned her down with his elbow on her neck. it was a good thing that she had the presence of mind to continue to struggle and press on her car horn to catch attention(even if she had to use her foot to do this) Her assailant even tried to make people believe that it was a domestic matter by telling the crowd not to get involved as it was a "private matter". But with the onlookers multiplying by the second, her assailant finally gave up and ran. that was when she stood up and shouted for help. Thank God the guy got caught and is now under police custody.
Last saturday, during the inquest, she told me that what gave her the guts to fight her assailant was the article "THROUGH A RAPIST'S EYES" forwarded to our e-groups! about a week prior to her attack. I am re-forwarding the article (you can find it at the bottom of this (e-mail) for everyone's benefit. please tell your friends, family, and loved ones about this. It works. may i just add that to a certain extent, we have to get ourselves involved if we see violence being committed on anyone like calling on a security guard or a police officer even if it appears to be a domestic matter. It seems that a lot of attackers use that tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone, please be very, very careful.

THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO SHARE..FYI -

Through a rapist's eyes!
A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for! them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon.

So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:=20
1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now that you've seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ....I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm I must remember that" After reading, share it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) . b. If you! u are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Please share this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.

Jim Paredes
The Maverick


________________________________________________________________

Six Dating Behaviors That Scare Single Men Away

By David Wygant Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Jul 14, 2008

You're dating a guy, and it's the crucial first few weeks. You really like this guy, and you're wondering what you can do (or avoid doing) to keep this relationship going and not scare him away.
The truth is there are certain things that women can do that will scare men away. Don't sabotage a potentially great relationship that could have gone somewhere by scaring a man off right at the beginning.
Here are six dating behaviors guaranteed to scare men off that all women should avoid:
1. Trash-talking your ex. Don't talk negatively about an ex-boyfriend in front of a guy you're dating. I don't care if you're on your first date or on your 15th date with a guy, don't ever trash-talk your ex. Your ex is somebody you dated, invited into your life, and with whom you spent a lot of time. So don't talk negatively about your ex in any way, because what a guy thinks when you do this is that if he ever becomes your ex that you're going to trash-talk him the same way. So, when a man asks you about your ex, you can politely say, "We are no longer together. It was a great relationship while it lasted, and I learned a lot." That's it.
2. Paranoia Runs Rampant. Here you are dating a man you really like, and the first couple of weeks are going well. Then, that first boys' night out happens. In the beginning, you send him a text that says, "Have a great time tonight!" As the night progresses, however, seeds of doubt start forming in your mind about what he's doing, and you start to think "Is he cheating on me? Is he flirting with other women? Where is he right now?" So then, you lob another text in to him asking "What's going on? What are you doing right now?" Even though he tells you he's just hanging out with his friends, you proceed to make a major blunder:
You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away.
You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away. So when you are dating a man and he's out with his friends, respect his "guy time" -- it will make you the cool woman he's always wanted to find.
3. Trash-talking other women. A huge mistake many women make is trash-talking other women in front of the man they're dating. For example, you are out with him when a woman walks by wearing a skimpy short skirt. You say, "Look how promiscuous that woman looks! I can't believe she is going around in public like that!" What you are doing when you make comments like this to a guy you're dating is telling him that you're not confident in the way you look. It tells him that you don't love who you are and haven't embraced your own body. You are planting a seed of doubt in him, causing him to wonder if he he should date someone else who is more confident (and tolerant). Don't trash-talk other women. It makes you look really insecure.
4. Fishing for compliments. This is something that can drive a man crazy. Here is a typical scenario: The guy you're dating looks at you and says, "You really look beautiful tonight!" Ten minutes later, you look at him and ask, "How do I look tonight?" Stop fishing for compliments. Real compliments come from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we really mean it. If we don't give a compliment at the exact moment you desire it, just accept it and be OK with that.
5. Clingy and possessive. You don't need to do everything together. You're still getting to know him. If there are things he likes to do that simply don't interest you, be cool with it. You don't have to be joined at the hip. If you are going to a cocktail party together, you don't have to be next to him at every moment. If you see him speaking with some woman at the party, do not immediately run over and start grabbing his hand and giving him a big hug -- and certainly don't do this all night long. You are being clingy and possessive when you do this.
6. Pushing friends on him. Avoid pushing friends on us too soon. Example: A woman will hang out with a guy on the first or second date and say to him, "You have to meet my friends Jenna and Amy. You also have to meet my friends Phil and Anne; they're such a great couple, and you'll love them!" A man hears this and thinks, "I don't even know you yet. Can I get to know you for a month or two before I have to go meet all of your friends and be put on display as 'the boyfriend?'" We don't want to be "the boyfriend" right away. It's too much pressure. We want to get to know you slowly and learn what you're all about. Believe me, once we get to know you -- and like you -- we will be more willing to get to know all of your friends.
Following these tips will help you get past the first month of a new relationship with a man and avoid some of the major pitfalls that can end a new relationship before it even starts. Be the confident woman you really are so we have a chance to embrace you. Don't scare us off before we have a chance to get to know you!
More David Wygant

Dating coach, blogger and author David Wygant has been featured on more than 2,000 radio and television shows including Dateline, CBS Good Morning, and MTV. Get more sex and dating tips on David's interactive blog at davidwygant.com.